Deeper DooDoo

Siggggggh. So, I've been let back into my internship/student teaching as of Monday this past week. However, two of those days I had to take off again because.... I had to deal with a fucking bench warrant in DC. So remember this incident:

Incident #1

And remember how I thought they had just let me sleep if off because the officers let me go that same night without anyone bailing me out and without giving me any papers or telling me a court date? And how I called all the necessary people on Monday to see whether I had been officially charged with anything and the people I talked to told me I was nowhere in their system and there was no record of my arrest? Turns out that was WRONG.

When I went to go meet my public defender on Tuesday, and I told her about incident #1, she looked it up and told me about the warrant. I had to immediately go to the humongous police station/court house in DC and 'turn myself in.' That day, I stood in front of a judge while a lady whom I NEVER met quickly asked me why I didn't show up for court and I had to whisper to her in 10 seconds (while standing in front of 10 court room officials) how I had no idea I even had been officially charged. I was released on a 'pretrial' basis where I had to take a drug test (which I miraculously passed) and do all this other crazy shit. 

The ONLY upside to this is that I am having my faith restored in the justice system, at least in DC. First, because I'm fucking broke and living off of financial aid, I've been appointed a private lawyer, not a public defender who, when I got into contact with him, knew all about my case and gave me the necessary information on how to best represent myself to the courts. Second, I was court-ordered to undergo an alcohol treatment evaluation where instead of being sent to jail (if I do get sentenced), I was evaluated whether I could receive 'treatment' or get 'rehabilitated' for what caused my problem in the first place. The person who evaluated me told me had my other charges in MD shown up in my federal records (it hasn't yet because their systems need to be updated), I would have been court-ordered to enter into an inpatient rehab facility for 30-60 days...though all funded by the government. Even though I'm on the wrong end, I was very impressed with the way DC deals with alcoholic idiots such as myself. 

But other than that, I'm screwed. I feel like I'm getting raped. Double-penetration rape. Sorry for being insensitive to any rape victims out there...but GODDAMN. Can't I catch a fucking break?! I mean, I totally deserve what I got in MD, but having another assault charge in DC? That's like overkill. 

So, I've decided to go the private lawyer route in MD instead of getting a public defender. Anybody have $5,000 they want to give me? 

FML.    

I have to erase this soon because I don't want everybody to know that I'm freaking public enemy #1. I'm just updating you people...that if I disappear after May 15, it's cuz I'm in prison. =(  Great... just when my brother is about to be released. My poor parents. 

Eff you

Treatment Programs

Length of Stay

Cost

Inpatient Treatment / Residential Day Treatment	30 days 60 days 90 days	$32,0001,2 $45,0001,2 $55,0001,2
Licensed Professionals	30 days 60 days 90 days	$32,0001,2 $45,0001,2 $55,0001,2
Young Adult Track (age 18–25)	90 days 120 days	$61,0002,5 $70,0002,5
Pain Management Track	45 days	$45,0001,2
Outpatient	8 weeks	$4,9601,3

Look at how much it costs for the alcoholics centers. Goddamn...no wonder there are so many people with addictions in this world. Who the fuck can afford this?! And what the fuck do they do that's so miraculous that it should cost $55,000 for 3 months? That's like a 5 series BMW. Stupid fucking healthcare system in America. I don't vote but if some issue were like this on the menu, I would. Who the hell gets all this money? It enrages me.

Sugar Mommas

That website I've been scouring over the past week also has a 'sugar mommy' option. They are the exact same things as sugar daddies except they are aging rich women. Of course the market for sugar mommies (jeebus that is a lameass name) is not even an eighth as strong as the market for SDs. Don't you know, in our wonderful American society, aging women are equivalent to....Dangit, I can't think of a clever analogy. But they're not appreciated at all especially when it comes to their sexuality. I think at 30, a woman's sexuality starts to sour...maybe even at 25. I mean, MILF porn starts with women around that age. Seriously?! 25?!??! I think that's a big reason why men have such strong feelings of hatred towards Sex and the City. Older women having casual sex and living a single, 'bachelor-esque' life?!?! OH THE HORROR. Fuck you society.

Oh it makes me so angry. 

I mean, there may be a very small percentage of men who want an older woman. But overall, most young men view aging women with this look on their faces: 

that guy has nice pillowly lips. 

Guy #2 I met from that site was 42. He said a woman his age reminds him of his mom and that sleeping with one was gross. 42?! Really?! That's younger than Samantha from SATC.

Really? Does your mom look like that? STFU.

Okay... before my entry turns into another direction, the REAL reason why I bring this up is that if I were around 45 years old, single, and had lots and lots of money, I'd definitely be a sugar mommy. Because, let's face it, it's already difficult for me to find hot young guys to bone me (pussies). It would be triple-y difficult for me at that age. So, I'd have to throw money at the situation. 

These would be my criteria: 18-30, Black...or mixed. Very nice muscular build, 6'0+ . Good dresser. Intelligent. (As I'm conducting my experiments with a wide assortment of men, I'm finding that just with physical looks, my ultimate preference is what I just described (and the upcumming. Puhahhaa)

In fact, I have two real-life men in mind that the 29-year-old Iroar would pay for sex because they are certainly unattainable. Any guy that looks like these men, and they wouldn't willingly have sex with me, I would pay for... just because they are so.... beautiful. Now I understand why men are willing to pay 'hot' women for sex. 

I met this guy at MJQ about 4 years ago. Yes, he actually exists. But he approached ME there and gave me his business card (he's an artist). Man...that's like the best compliment I ever got that a guy that looks like this would be interested in me. And you should see his face. He is better-looking than Tyson Beckford. I'm getting overwhelmed just thinking about it. *fans self and crotch*

BUTTTTTTT....and this is God's CRUELEST JOKE, he is a devout Muslim...which, I believe, means he is celibate, or (I just looked it up) he doesn't have premarital sex. Why would you do this GOD?!?!?! It makes me want to NEVER believe in you. And Adonis #1, why would you dangle yourself in front of me and then snatch it away?! So mean. 

So hell yeah. If I had $10,000 to spare (which is the highest amount I think men pay for a woman), I would definitely pay that to have sex with him. And he can just lay there if he wants. I would do allll the work.  

GOD I hope he never reads this.  

  

And Adonis #2. 

This is Mel. He's half-Korean (and half-black), which restores my hope for hot Korean guys. He's actually my friend.... a friend I tried very very hard to seduce and was unsuccessful. He lives in California and unlike Adonis #1, he can have sex. He just doesn't want to have it with me. *sob noise* He has very strict personal beliefs concerning casual sex. Like the girl he's looking for is the antithesis of me concerning her views on sex, if that makes any sense, which makes him inaccessible. Oh Mel.......

So, if I were to ever get rich on my own accord, I would certainly be a sugar mommy. I would only pay for the creme of the crop though, like these two gentlemen. Maybe that's why I don't have any qualms with the whole 'paying for the younger hotter person,' and a mutually-benefitting relationship. It makes sense...possibly even MORE sense for a sugar mommy. I guarantee it's much easier for older rich men to find young and wild and FREE vagina than it is for older rich women to find a FREE young penis. That sounds gross. HAHAHAHA. 

Hm....but when I'm 45, these guys will also be 45. Maybe they'll have loosened up a little and then I can seize my chance. 

I pray. *crosses fingers* 

4.13

Another day at home. Can't say I'm complaining today. I plan on watching Hunger Games at 11:55 (by myself). My sister keeps telling me that I remind her of Katniss, a big compliment if you ask me. I'm going to check it out to see whether that's true.

I've found out that HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) is the most effective workout for me. It is doubly awesome because it can involve both strength-training and cardio, so you knock out two birds with one stone, and the longest session is like 20 minutes long. I usually do a HIIT workout and a strength-training sesh. Sometimes I do two HIITs all under an hour. I've seen the most results from starting HIITs...way more than p90x. I swear, p90x should only advertise to men. Women NEED more cardio.

Here are most recent of my progress:

I'm really proud of my legs. My arse can still use some help. I don't know if it'll ever get to how I want it. Stupid being Asian. 

Okay. I'm going to get ready for my Hunger Games. Woot woot.

**Edit. I decided to stop talking about my SD stories on here. After thinking about it, maybe it is something I should not be broadcasting to the world...especially for the privacy of potential SDs. But if something absolutely hilarious, marvelous, crazy happens, I'll write about it.

Oh...and if I do disappear, then the site is seeking arrangements. Just in case. Hahaha. No, it's a pretty legit site. 

I don't even know what to say.....

Yesterday, SOMEBODY texted me and said my blog was boring because I hadn't updated. Well, excuuuuuuuse me. This past weekend I was in Atlanta (just got back last night.) And the weekend before that I was in jail. Yes, again. But this time for 3 nights and this time, I got charged/processed/fucked.

So here's the story.

Two Fridays ago, I had planned on having a calm night staying in and sipping my weekend vodka drank with Anna. I worked out on the roof and as I was working out, my friend Peter texted me saying he was going to come over because the weather was nice and we could drink on the roof overlooking Ikea. Then as I was doing mountain climbers, I had the genius idea of just walking to the bar (since I skimped on cardio) and having a couple of drinks, coming back around 11 so I could go to sleep at a decent hour to do work the next day.

I get ready and wear some clean white booty shorts, a slutty pink lacy top, and this blue/white sweater thing that looks like a flappy vagina. Oh and my Sperrys since we are walking to the bar.

Everything was going so well. Peter even said, "You are being boring tonight" because I was so calm. I was working very hard at stifling the Iroar-demon. I even made a friend...a very pretty Nicaraguan girl whose boyfriend I accidentally called gay. But we were having a gay old time and had plans to cheeba together some time. Having that conversation is probably the last thing I remember clearly.

Apparently, a little after that, I got kicked out of the bar. (The bar in the most recent post where that white girl tried to beat me up). I don't know why I got kicked out but I'm pretty sure I exchanged some words with the bouncer after he told me to leave.

Then I ran outside and started knocking over the trashcans outside the bar. I remember feeling genuinely angry about getting kicked out. I was in the tasmanian devil stage. I had left my purse in the bar so I told Peter to retrieve it. By the time he came out with it, he said I was yelling at a group of white people calling them "white trash mother fuckers." Over and over again. I don't know what these white people did to me but they were on the patio behind these bars that I couldn't get over so I think I tried to attack them THROUGH the gate. I remember someone throwing a drink on me (but Peter doesn't). I might have imagined that. But they were definitely needling my anger, which is a completely natural response of immature college students. (I was 100% the provoker, I realize that. But I doubt a group of middle-aged adults would have even responded if some drunken idiot was yelling racial epitaphs at them for no reason). This enraged me even more.

Then a police officer materialized out of nowhere. According to the police report (which I will post shortly) he heard me yelling while he was driving by so he stopped to see what was going on. Peter said he saw the police man approaching so he tried to put me in a full-body hold and drag me to the cab which he had hailed during my tirade. I'm sorry but Peter barely tops out at 5'6 and I'm pretty sure I weigh more than him. So he was no match for an adrenaline/alcohol-pumped me. Plus, I elbowed him in the face and he fell down. I yelled at the police officer telling him to "stay away you white devil." Well, here is the police officer's side:

He wasn't even white! He was Latino. Oops. And 'several officers' my ass. There were 7 cop cars that came to assist. Goddamn. I'm just one skinny Asian girl.

So after all that, he charged me with:

Second Degree Assault on a Police Officer
Second Degree Assault
among 3 others....which didn't stick.

The first one is a felony.

I was carted off to a Hyattsville jail where (and this is what I kinda remember) I then harassed a black cop. He tried to put me in a cell with three other women. I grabbed the toilet paper off the disgusting cell toilet and threw it at him. Then I yelled, "You're the reason why there are so many black men in prison. How does it feel to lock up your own kind?!" I also called him ugly and fat. I think he beat me up because next morning, I had a HUGE bruise on my right bicep (which I didn't even notice until I went to the 2nd jail). He handcuffed me so tight that my wrists and ankles were swollen. He handcuffed my wrists to a chain around my waist and then handcuffed me to a bench where I stayed immobile for like 3 hours til I saw the commissioner. Then I stayed in another stinky cell until 9 am.

At that point, I thought I was going to be able to go home. Then the female police officer told me I was going to another jail where I could get bonded out. When I got to the 2nd place, I had to walk in a room filled with crazy men and women in my booty white shorts. I felt so... exposed. I felt like EVERYONE was staring at me (which they were). I changed into that orange prisoner garb...and then I stayed in that room on a chair for... 12 FUCKING hours, not knowing what the hell was going on. When I finally asked the guard, they said that we were supposed to find a bondsman and get our bond paid...otherwise, we'd stay in jail until our bond hearing.

Well, my bond didn't go through til Monday fucking morning. So I stayed in the jail cell for 2 nights with CUH-RAZY women who would yell through the night and then be dead-set on watching Joel Osteen in the morning. But I'm guessing it was a pretty typical jail experience so I won't talk about it much except that I ate foods that probably shortened my life by a year.

I got out at Monday noon. I came out SMILING because I was SO happy to get out of there.

And that's what happened.

This is one of 209348093284 bruises I got from getting manhandled by the popo.

I mean, obviously, I know I'm fucked. I need to get a lawyer pronto and I'm expecting to spend thousands of dollars on this. But I'm not angry at anyone except myself. I'm very defeated against this drinking problem. I don't know what to do. In Atlanta, I got a lot of support. But that support won't push me to stop. I think I'll take Karleen's advice and do baby steps. I can't do the cold turkey thing because there's so many reasons tied into why I do what I do. It sounds very trivial the way I'm explaining it but trust me, I'm doing a lot of thinking about this issue...behind the scenes...revisiting issues that I thought I had worked through.

And I have to do allllll of this while being crazy fucking busy with schoolwork. I could so easily freak out right now but I'm not.

My court date is May 7th.