ATL ho

I'm goin' goin', back to back, to ATL ATL....this Friday... Yes! I be there for two weeks. So there might be a slight chance I will not update cuz I'll be toooooo busy getting boned by my Jewish bf and hanging out with my sisters. Woot woot.

I am DETERMINED to learn the Dougie. It's the most difficult dance that black people have come up with yet.

It occurred to me that my 2nd graders are all experts at doing the Dougie. I swear... you turn on some music for some white kids, they'll jump up and down like a buncha lame-os.  You put some music on for some black kids, they teyyyyyyyy it up! It is so cute and funny and impressive at the same time.

Why I love the Japanties.

The Japanese are always one steppahead of everyone else. Americans should get on board...with their fatasses. Speaking of fatass, I didn't workout today. Instead, I slept 2 hours. Something is wrong with my body. God I hope I'm not preggos...or am about to die because of this infection in my tooth. *knock on wood*

Pinterest

I am such a space cadet. I wrote this last night but put it in my old blog. I thought it hadn't saved and was cursing blogspot last night. I'm the dumb one.
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I've developed a new fascination. And that is with Pinterest.

It's totally a girl's thing. I have yet to stumble upon a man that holds an account with Pinterest. The only acceptable men that can be on Pinterest are gay men....or those uber-feminine odd men that watch Sex and the City and like celebrity gossip.

Pinterest gives me hope that women are as creative as the pins they put out because I'm pretty sure women are behind making the pins. I consider myself to be pretty interesting but I would never be clever or creative enough as the people who make the pins.

The category I find the most fun is the Fitness pin. These womens' bodies make me feel like I'm not working out hard enough. Man, them bitches in the links are FIT. I don't necessarily like those SUPER toned girls. Like girls with huge bulky muscles. No thanks. 

Yeah..um. No Thanks.

I like lonnnnnnng, liiiiiiiiiiithe bodies.

After Pinterest, my new goal is to get rid of my fucking stomach flab. I used to think it was impossible to do after the age of 26. Or after you've had a baby. But I know it's possible from what I've seen on Pinterest. It just takes much more hard work and dedication than I thought. Particularly dedication to working out 5+ times/week and cutting out carbs and alcohol. I wonder if I could get rid of my pooch if I stopped drinking. Dustin (my personal trainer male friend) certainly thinks so. 

See? Ugh. Flab flab go away!

I took a 2-week break of not working out over Thanksgiving break. I'll have to take another long break for X-mas break where I hope to be in ATL on December 16 for 2.5 weeks. Siiiiiiigh. I want to hurry and get onnnnnnn it! 

Sorry. I'm kinda leBUZZED. 

Me prior to to the two-week hiatus. 

Get onnnnnnnnnn it!

Oh! One thing I wanted to mention is that while I adore Pinterest, it is awfully white-girlish. We need more diversity up in there. I'm too dumb to come up with innovative pins. Someone else come up with 'em! 

Superficialness.

Hyori has a boyfriend.

Just like I thought. He wouldn't be the hottest Korean boy in the world. TOP is...and I will always love KangTa..even though he looks like a fairy boy.

Some charlatan doctor in some state injected cement into womens' butts to make them voluptuous. Here is one of her patients:

The question is...why the FUCK would you want your backside to be that big? You would NEVER find clothes to fit you, you look like a freak, it looks fucking ridiculous. Imagine what that would look like naked. *shudders* I mean, I know what it feels like to have a 'flat ass.' I'm Asian. But, I've since been doing squats and now, my ass appeals to some non-black men...but still, even if I had absolutely ZERO ass, I would never get implants. Ew. Click on picture to read the story.

OH... I just watched the entire story. The person pictured is the trans-gendered woman who was doing the injecting. The video says "it is uncertain whether _______ injected herself with the substances..." Uh... of course she did. What man is naturally shaped like that??!?!? Dumb newspeople.

I guess that's all the popNews I had to share. I thought there was more, but I feel fat right now because I ate two pieces of apple pie in my post-smoke haze and my belly feels like it's hanging over my waistband.

Oh. I guess I will share Rihanna's video.

This video makes me want to do drugs. One thing that bothers me about Rihanna is that she tries to portray this image of herself that she's crazy and lives this crazy alternative lifestyle. I HIGHLY doubt she's even half as crazy as she makes herself out to be in her music videos. Rihanna is vanilla...like a Barbados Katy Perry. I think I've said that before.

It also disturbs me that young girls see this video where this drug&sex lifestyle is glamorized. I mean, it's okay if you are an adult who feels the desire to have crazy sex and do drugs after watching this video and makes a responsible decision to do so. But I can see this video influencing a dumb young person who doesn't know the meaning of responsible irresponsible sex and drug use vs. irresponsible irresponsible sex and drug use. Make sense?? Makes sense to me.

Like her style though. SOMETIMES.

Finally, as I sit here bra-less, I can feel the undersides of my boobies droop onto my rib-cage. How depressing. Standing straight up, my boobs are still nice and perky...but slouching, there is definite boob undersides and rib contact. It greatly reminds me of the following scene:

What do you know? Cameron is 28 in this scene. Whoa.. she's flat. 

I want an American flag bikini!!!!

Fuck You DC.

It's official. I fucking hate the night life in DC. I don't think I've ever had an irrational hatred towards a non-living thing as I do now (well, maybe tattoos). But I am going to boycott going out in DC from now on unless it's for a truly special event like where all the boring people in Maryland I know go out and I would feel left out (ie: Halloween).

I've been MIA cuz I've been on vacay. Now it's almost over.... my mom and sisters have left and after I chug this coffee, I'm whisking away to do my errands. Good thing my jewish boyfriend gave me a ton of green so that the rest of this semester in this boringass state will be bearable. Thanks Michael.

Anyways, back to the DC thing. On Friday night, Sawa coerced all of us into going out with a male-prospect and some other Koreans. Shock. I haven't hung out with a new group of Koreans in a LOOOOOOOOONG time. The Koreans were okay. Cool, even. It's such a breath of fresh air when you meet Koreans that aren't like the ghetto Koreans in ATL. You know, Koreans with ambition...like I read about in my articles at school.

The places we went to were LAME, EXPENSIVE, AND CROWDED. That is a combination that I am 200% going to hate. All of us spent like $100 through the night. WHAT. THE. FUCK. The places we went to were charging $20/head (which we didn't pay for) PLUS the drinks were between $10-12.... I felt like I was stepping on everybody's shoes, and after some point, I stop caring whether I push people out of my way which makes confrontations unavoidable.

In at least one of the bars that I've gone to in a night out in DC, I've overspent and gotten kicked out. I NEVER EVER get kicked out in ATL and I put on the same antics there as I do here, if not more. Here, even if I walked around topless and guys were queuing to get into a place because of my exposed titties, I'd STILL get kicked out. It's like nobody here gets rambunctious. And I'm a girl...a non-ugly non-fat one at that. Who do they think they are kicking me out?????

O~kay. I'm sure MOST of it is my fault. I just hate going out to a place, spending $10-12 for a crappy drink, being surrounded my lame yuppies, and then getting kicked out. Plus having to endure a ride on the METRO and/or spending $40 on a cab.

I have to get my drinking under control.

And I am NOT going out in DC again. I'd rather go to a college bar. The white kids are much more tolerable at UMD than at UGA. *Barf*

Durrrrty Penties

A thought just entered my mind so I decided to jot it down here so y'all can make sure that I'm not dead. I've actually been fucking busy with school and teaching. Ugh. Hates it. But I'm going home to Atlanta this weekend (so excited!) and have somewhat of a full week off. So before I start on my lesson planning and grading and creating powerpoints, here is my fleeting thought....actually it's a thought I've thought before but just never shared.

I've always wondered how much girls get paid for selling their dirty panties. If it's more than $100, where the heck can I sign up? If a dirty pervert will buy me some super cute underwear and wanted me to wear them non-stop for a couple of days and get them all grody, I would totally do it. ESPECIALLY if I never have to show him my face or I have to see his picture. Shoot. If he gave me $150, I'd send him a naked pic sans face. That's awesome money! Imagine if you wore three pairs of underwear a week and dirtied them up, that's like $450/week. Considering I have to live off of $500 until next year (which isn't gonna happen) that kind of money flow would make me cream my pants.

The reason why this thought flitted through my mind was cuz I realized that I haven't showered since Sunday when I washed my hair. I don't feel dirty at all. I changed my underwear once since then and while I was peeing (just now) I realized my underwear right now would be a perfect candidate to make the big bucks from.

But then I googled dirty underwear and ICK...... NASTY! Other girls must discharge a hurricane to be makin' that mess.

Therefore, I just leave you this picture, which isn't me. So don't get too excited. 

ARG

This is why white people should spank their chil'ren. Some of their reactions are UNACCEPTABLE and so fucking brattish and disrespectful. When the hell did it become so looked-down-upon to spank your kids? You know what, sometimes they DESERVE it.

The only acceptable reaction is those last kids. They are AWESOME. I'm going to do this exact prank to my future children and see if my kids respond like those last kids did. If they do, that'll be a testament to whether I raise my kids right. Fuck the rest of them.

Hollow-weenie

As a functioning alcoholic (I finally accepted that term after being in denial about it for a loooong time), events like Halloween make me anxious. First, it's a time when everyONE goes out. It's like New Years Eve....all those boring married people and lame couples who never go out, go out.  It's an opportunity for girls who normally dress boring to wear something slutty and act crazy. No ma'am. Compound this with the fact that everything will be crowded and more expensive than usual AND it's supposed to snow on the East Cizzoast. Fuck. So,

Wasting $ on costumes + Drunken stupid sloots (m&f) + Expensive Drinks + Cold =

I fucking hate Halloween (and New Years Eve)

 White girls 
*rolls eyes*

I am a huge party pooper.. I don't deny it. 

Being that I am an alcoholic, I am unable to control my alcohol intake. No matter WHAT limits I set for myself and how many people I promise that I won't get sloppy drunk, I ALWAYS end up drinking more than 6 drinks and spending around $40-70, and then not knowing how I got home. WITH.OUT.FAIL. It blows. 

Going out, in general, makes me nervous because I know what's going to happen (refer to previous paragraph) and then I don't know what's going to happen (ie: I might die). And the scary thing is, I can't control it. 

As of yesterday, I was going to NOT go out, get drunk by myself, and babysit my friend's daughter (put that biatch to sleep at 9pm) and write on here. But I have decided to go. I think I would be the ONLY person NOT going out and that kinda makes me feel left out. Plus, all the boring people I know here are all going out. JK Marylanders.

Phong said that if I put myself in a strong mental state of setting limits, I won't get out of control. I've done this several times and failed. However, I've also gone out and only drank 3 drinks without setting limits. Because I want to not beat on Anna (which is what happened last weekend), I will set limits and to set them more in stone, I'm putting them on here. 

• I will drink (oh god... mental battle)... 5 drinks AT MOST. I know that doesn't sound like a limit..but 5 is where I'm good. 
• I will only spend $20. 
• I will NOT buy strangers drinks.
• To combat my possibly belligerent behavior, I will smoke. But that puts me to sleep...so,
• I will also NOT fall asleep at the bar.

I think that's good. Anna forced me to dress like a crayon like her and the girls. She even forced me to make my own costume last night throwing sewing needles and felt at me. But I don't think I'll wear it. I might wear my Addidas track suit with a sexy bra underneath (shoot... I don't do p90x for nuffin') instead cuz it's supposed to be 40 degrees tonight and maybe snowing. Fuck being cold. I'm not a dumb 21-year old anymore.

I'll report back tomorrow night.
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Well, I stuck to my $20 limit. That was pretty easy to do because I didn't bring anything else with me 'cept the cash.

I didn't stick to the 5 drink-limit. Or maybe I did. Either way, I got sloshed and sloppy and today I've got bruises on my knees from falling down everywhere. Plus I got kicked out of a bar because I cut in line for the bathroom (in front of my FRIEND, mind you) and the bouncer carried me out while I grabbed onto things to prevent him from doing so. Then I opened my eyes and I was home sans my ID. I've found it since then.

I know I said I was going to wear my track suit but I ended up wearing my Victoria's Secret corset I got at the thrift store (gross, I know..but I'm pretty sure it was only worn once...most likely for a sexcapade...ew) and just put on a skirt and said I was a sexcretary. Meh. It was an outfit I would've worn out anyways.

Overall, FUN NIGHT! What I remember of it.

BBK

Oops. I was supposed to proceed on ranting about my intense dislike for men who suck in bed. And I realized I had to heavily edit what I wrote yesterday cuz I re-read it and...redundant! But it's too late for that because I have a goal to sleep by 12 am.

The reason for the BBK title is that my FlipMode GradSchool Male Friend finally came through with some greenery and it is called BBK with the K standing for Kush. I don't know why people name weed. If it's of a certain class, it's all the same. There's three levels. Dank, mids, and schwag. No thanks on the mids or schwag.  But in the dank category everything smokes the same. I guess I do not have the skills to see the difference between weed types. Yes some might smell different and taste different...but it all comes to the same end. Blaaaaaaaaaaazed. Thank you.

I realized, I'm only 2.5 months into p90x. I thought I had done three whole months (skippin' some days/weeks). I did my 11th week of leg-day today. I definitely see a difference at this point...though not as remarkable as what I see in the infomercials.

WahooOoooooOoo~! I've noticed thorough my sitemeter that a lot of you come on here cuz my blog comes up when googling the following:

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    Search Engine google.com 

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You get the point.

So....tired.

My Future Husband

As people on my newsfeed on fbook are getting engaged and attending weddings, as others are popping out babies, and as my bestest friend got married the past weekend, I can't help but wonder to myself....how the FUCK are these people ready to  make that big of a commitment when I'm not even CLOSE to doing so? Seriously.

I do NOT think these people are any more mature than I am. In fact, I think I am further along in the path of life than a lot of folks who are settling down and procreating.  However, I just can't IMAGINE being tied down to one person much less having a baby at this point in my life.

I know every time I display my non-readiness for marriage, people probably think I'm just in denial or am concealing the fact that I really DO want to get married. It's not the case, trust me. I know perfectly well on how to have a life-long healthy relationship and of producing a child and raising it better than most any adult my age I know. But right now, even at age 28, I'm just not...ready.

The things I DO know are that I want to get married after 30. I want to have at least three children (I would LOVE 4) and my cut-off for birthing my own child  is 38. If I do not have 3 children by then, I will adopt...and the adopted shall be black children. My ideal situation would be to marry and make babies with a (studly) gay man but since he's gay, I would have the life-long freedom of having lovers outside our "marriage." Think when Carrie was considering marrying Stanford. But that probably won't happen. The point is, I know EXACTLY what I want....it's just NOT NOW. *shudders*

So.... I will now make a list of the qualities my future husband MUST have.

• He must be rich- I'm sorry but I fucking hate being poor. I've been poor my ENTIRE LIFE. I have seen what opportunities (from having $$) can afford you and the difference having money can make in having an easy life. I know money doesn't buy happiness---blah blah blah. But that statement is for stupid rich people who don't know what it's like to value the real things in life. The sole reason why I need a rich husband ($100,000+/year) is to provide my future children with an awesome life...filled with opportunities and choices that I didn't have growing up. Since I am 95% sure that half of my future children will be adopted and since I want to give as many children the chance to have a better life (via starting an orphanage)...and since I will never get rich as a teacher, the money needs to come from somewhere. Cuz it ain't coming from me. My future husband needs to provide for the family EVEN THOUGH I'll be making my own money... It's FOR OUR CHILDREN. If we end up divorcing, I won't be takin' yo shit cuz I'll always make mine. I'm sorry for the dramatic use of CAPS. I'm kinda drunk. 
• He must be smarter than me- ie: he must be the leader. Feminist, I may be. But I will never be content with a dude who doesn't take control of a situation and/or doesn't make me look up to him because of his life-knowledge. My favorite boyfriends have been the ones that taught me things I didn't know or led me to become a better, wiser person. Book-smarts don't mean shit to me.  You have to be able to always know what to do and maneuver yourself in a dignified way in ANY given situation. 'Nuff said.

And that's all I ask for...two bullet points. Like I said, I know EXACTLY what I want.. it's just not now. Amen

This entry is solely a reaction to my best friend getting married. I fucking hate it. But congratulations Gina. Aishibal. *rolls eyes*

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Oh! Nearing my third month of p90x, I've captured a picture where I actually look buff. But I'm flexing in it, mind you....and I'll be updating with a slew of pics that I took shows progress and needed improvements. 

I need to figure out a way to take more appealing pictures. And yes, the pose I'm doing is totally manly and lesbertarin-ish. I look more feminine I promise...especially naked.

No editing here. I'm tipsy and need to sleep. Good night asshats. <----the most PRETENTIOUS diss ever. What is an asshat anyways? LAME.

Lil Gurrs

Whoa. It's been some minutes since I last updated. You can blame my strict 10:30 pm bedtime, all my homework-happy female professors, and Michael's 6-day visit.

Some developments: I have prohibited myself from going out in this city withOUT the company of Anna&Phong. Because when I go out by myself, horribly dangerous things happen. I relapsed on my #1 goal (which I will not state but you should know about if you have been an avid Iroar follower for the past six months) and suffice it to say, I might have committed a felony especially if my license plate was written down two weekend nights ago. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Anyways, I just wanted to update with the following videos and a little blurb on my thoughts about them.

Can't say much about this except it's fucking awesome and cute. People are complaining about the fact that she's singing about Nicki Minaj's panties dropping and all the entrepreneur niggas and the moguls... but shit. Get over it. This little girl is at MOST 6 years old. She doesn't know what the eff she's saying. She does a helluva good job rapping and singing. And that blonde child is fucking hilarious! This entire video is perfection for me. I've watched it multiple times already.

Next. I'm torn when I see videos such as these:

I appreciate dancing so much because I know grown-ass women who can't dance like these girls do. Dancing is a skill. Especially for little white girls in America. Do you know how much dedication that would take? Most little American kids aren't pushed....they just dabble in shit. They're not like Asian parents who basically force their children at knife-point to be the next Mozart. No...white suburban parents are content at having their children do some kicks in "karate" class and call it a day. To dance like these little girls do, that must take true commitment in this day and age in good ole upper-middle-class Amurrica. I'm sorry...am I generalizing too much? I don't care.


But I'm torn because while I think these little girls are teeeeeeeearing it up and that they dance really well and their outfits are oh so stripper-adorable, I can't help but cringe when I think about the child molesters in this world who are getting a rise (in their pants) at the dancing. It would be perfectly okay in a 'vacuum,' but damn.

On an unrelated note, I'm a firm believer in the idea that one NEEDS to know the experience of having sex in order to REALLY dance truly well sexily. There are dance moves that require prior knowledge.  As exemplified in this video:

Although this is a one-man show. That girl sucks. But damn that black man knows how to move. This is the first video that turned me on where the participants are clothed. Woooooooo!

As far as those 7 year old girls are concerned though.... they are dancing to the best of their abilities because (hopefully) none of them has the prior knowledge of sexual activity yet (God I hope not.) Remember when Britney proclaimed she was a virgin, yet she was dancing like this:

Bitch was lyyyyyyyying! There's no way in HAILS a person who has never experienced grinding up on a cockadoodle can move like that.

I love dancing so much. If I resent ONE thing...it's the fact that my family was so poor growing up that the only extracurricular activities my parents were willing to pay for was piano and tae-kwon-do...so Asian. When I bear children, I'm DEFINITELY going to put my daughter in dance lessons. It's a great way to remain skinny....and it's just an asset to have.

However, it's such a sad thing that you have to be trepidatious about the fact that some pervert is going to get turned on with your daughter dancing. I understand that some people MIGHT think it's inappropriate for young girls to be dancing so suggestively. But I GUARANTEE that 99% of those little girls have NO idea that what they're doing is turning on some disgusting pervert. They are just having fun dancing. It's a sad world we live in when little girls (& boys...but for other reasons) can't do what they want because of things that are out of their control.

Stupid child molesters.

Anyways, since it's the night of youtube vids, I leave you with Miss A's latest video....that I love...but it's unnecessarily long.

GooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOooooo Miss A!!!
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**edit: Oh schnap. I was wrong. That little Super Bass girl just turned 8. Whoa weird. She looks so small! I guess in Britain-land 8 year olds are regular-sized whereas in SuperSized America, 8 year olds look almost like teenagers.

I must also mention, as noted by my sole commentator, I forgot a critical point that connects those little girls dancing suggestively vs Britney's sex-dancing. Yes those little girls are indeed dancing very suggestively. However, they're quite stiff in their movements whereas Britney and that lovely black couple are dead-on with their bodily movements as far as sex-grinding is concerned because in order to grind your hips in that real genuine sort of way, you would have to know (in real-life) how to move your hips during sex joyride, Again, this is coming from my very limited knowledge of 'professional' dancing. I would hope that I NEVER see those 7 year olds TRULY grinding. Although they dance really well, it looks like they are just mimicking what they've been taught by an older person so they don't really know the meaning behind their sexual moves..hence the stiffness.

Does that make sense? Again, just my opinion. And really, it's not that big of a deal. I feel like a loser. Gonna go eat some breakfast now!

Monday Night Football & Types of Porn I Watch

Starting last week, my roommates implemented a "Monday Night Football Night" which I partake in only because I can drink socially as opposed to drinking by myself. So here I am sippin' my wine, 'watching' football. Since I consider watching male sports a huge waste of my time, I decided to do something constructive on Monday nights, which is to update my blog. Wahoo! So I shall make Monday nights TMI Night so I will at LEAST be updating once a week. Smoley Oley.

As I was brainstorming what to write for tonight, I figured I would just write what I've been meaning to write about for a long time. Types of porn I watch.

I am an avid porn watcher...not that I have it playing in the background for background noise. Porn for me serves one purpose as it does for most girls. But I do watch it if I have ample amounts of free alone time..and lately, my porn sessions are lasting longer than 20 minutes which isn't good. I normally like to get in and get out. So I'm a little alarmed that now I'm watching porn like a guy watches porn. Hm.

But anyways, like I am with my choice of alcohol, clothes-purchasing, and male-choosing, I am very picky with the porn I watch. Since I love to make lists, I think I can deduce the categories of porn I love to 5. So without further adieu, here they are.

1. Asian Girls- Here I'm purely talking about Asian-American porn. This is my least favorite category because Asian girls are so cheesy and overly vocal but I watch it because the Asian girls are usually banging white/non-Asian guys. And I can relate. I heard the porn people prefer (alliteration!) is representative of their real-life sex life. So I watch Asian girls only because it's related to my life. My favorite Asian-American porn stars are Lucy Thai and Lily Thai. 

2.  Lesbian-Because the majority of porn turns women into double-stuffed sex objects, I enjoy watching 'lesbians' because I know when women do each other, it's much more pleasurable for them than a guy ramming his penis into a woman's throat, yahoo, or butthole. If men want to be good in bed, they should just observe and learn from the tactics 'lesbians' use in porn. I like 'lesbians.' 

3. 3somes- Everyone knows I'm obsessed with 3-somes meaning I would like to have one in theory but it'll probably never happen because I doubt I'll ever find two guys in one setting that are worthy of banging. But I don't like watching MMF because it looks more painful than anything. FFM is better because there's usually a lot of #2 going on. 

4. 18-year olds- Okay.. in my defense.. it's not like I get turned on by high-school aged girls. In fact, I usually want to beat up most teenaged girls because they're so stupid. But with 18 year olds, you can be guaranteed they won't have gross fake-tits, botoxed faces, or a misshapen blown-out vagina. I highly doubt most '18-year olds' are actually 18 so that's somewhat of a comfort. So the 'teenage' porn category will assure you somewhat of an attractive female. I can't watch ugly people have sex.

Mhmmmm... PeePee..

5. Japanese/Squirt/Sybian- These are more 'fetish' porn that I watch out of curiosity and fascination than anything else. First, Japanese people are fucking weird perverts. The crazy sexual preferences that Japanese people have prove that they are smarter and more evolved than any other race. Squirt porn is guaranteed that the woman has been pleasured....but it's kind of gross. Yet I'm oddly jealous of their ability to....succeed each round. Sybians are cool because the girl gets off yet she doesn't have to bang anyone new...just a dildo-wielding probe machine. If I were in any kind of porn, it'd be one with a sybian.

I'm going to sleep now. Not editing. I'm leBUZZED and tired. Goooooood night. 

Why I'm the best girlfriend/female companion

Because most men aren't inclined to initiate things with me (for whatever reasons), I've always been the one to start a relationship...sexual, long-term, whatever. I mean, why would you want to wait around for the guy you like to approach you...if he ever even does? Isn't it a lot less time-consuming and less nail-biting if you get him drunk, take him home/have your way with him, then in the morning, woo him with your awesome personality and bj skills to where he will ALWAYS come back to you until you say "no mas?" I thought so.

I understand there are some men who aren't comfortable with my unconventional approach to "dating." In fact, my advances have straight-up been rejected and I won't lie...I get abashed for a moment. I am a girl human after all. But I always get reassured because, I know, if those men had given me a true chance, they would've been under the Iroar spell faster than you can say 'smoley-oley.'

So this entry is dedicated to those men who missed out on the funness that is me (I write this with a particular Blasian named Melvin in mind) and 10 reasons on why I'm the best girlfriend/f-buddy in the world:

1. I don't play games- This is not 100% fool-proof because girls, by nature, are cunning and manipulative. I'm just as non game-playing as a girl can get. If I'm upset, you'll know. If I want you to do something, I'll tell you. I always hear girls say "I have too much pride to yadda yadda yadda." These are always the girls who are avid game-players. STFU. Having too much pride in anything isn't good...especially in relationships.  
2. I don't nag- I'm a complainer fo sho...but there is a huge difference between complaining about life things in general (which I do) and directing that complaining at someone until he wants to die. Girls are professional naggers and it gets worse when they become wives or moms. The truth is, guys ALWAYS do shit that is worthy of nagging. Most cases, it's things they DON'T do that make you want to nag. But nagging won't accomplish anything except make him want to run to a stripper. As my boyfriend, you can play as many video games as you want...smoke as much weed...go out drinking with 'your boys.' As long as you have goals and are being productive and doing successful man-things, I won't say anything.   
3. You can do whatever you want - this is piggy-backing on #2 (hehe...piggy-backing). I don't know why girls are always telling their boyfriends 'you can't do this,' 'you can't go there.' SHUT UP. Just let them do whatever they want. As mentioned in #2, as my boyfriend, you can do anything you want. Just don't fuck another girl or go to weird massage parlors. I understand that there are douchebags that shouldn't be trusted. But why would you date guys like that? I don't so letting a guy roam free is nary a problem for me.  
4. I won't ever get fat- Getting into a relationship is proven to make couples gain weight...and it's true. I've watched my married friends get fatter and fatter. Ick. Some people are deathly afraid of flying, I'm deathly afraid of gaining weight. I can guarantee that no matter how old I get or how many babies I pop out, I will always keep my body in shape. To be fair though, why is it always the girls getting ragged on for gaining weight? It's not like men stay in the best shape either. At least when a girl gains weight, their bewbs and ass get bigger, which is a good thing as long as you aren't floppy. When a guy gains weight, it's just....gross. Bulgy love handles and that oddly firm beer-belly? No thank you. Guys should get dumped for gaining just like girls do. 
5. I will never be opposed to having sex-I never understood frigid women. Why are you saying no to sex? That's like saying no to tickling a baby...or whatever makes you extremely happy. I'm always DTF. In my previous relationships, if we stopped having sex, that was all your doing. If you initiate it or ask for it and we aren't in questionable surroundings, I will 95% of the time say yes. 5% rejection comes from if I haven't showered or feel dirty at which point, I'm doing you a favor. 
6. You won't ever have to shower me with gifts or 'wine and dine me'-I'm morally opposed to flowers, teddy bears, chocolate, and diamonds. Flowers are a pain to clean up after they die, and teddy bears are only for three year-olds. Gifting them to a grown women is a waste of fabric and stuffing. Giving chocolate is asking for me to get fat. Diamonds are stupid. I hate going out to eat so I'm perfectly content with Friday night date nights (or any date night) only consisting of watching a family-friendly movie, eating a dinner we cooked together, getting sloshed on vodka and baked on weed , and having raunchy sex. I don't base how much my boyfriend loves me on how much $ he spends on me. If my boyfriend wants to do something nice for me, do the dishes, leave the toilet seat down, and don't pee all over the bathroom...make the bed, take the trash out... Do shit that I don't want to do. Oh...But if it's my birthday or Christmas, I do expect gifts. I'll give you a list of things I want. And you give me a list of things you want.
7. $ expenditures will always be 50/50- Or at worst, 65/35...especially if a bf makes more money than me. As long as I'm mobile, I will be working...or at least have my own $ to spend. I cringe when I see those couples where the man pays for everything. As a man, I would NOT date a bitch who wants everything paid for. Who u think u is? Crowned princess of Arabia? Personally, I feel really uncomfortable having someone spend too much $ on me. I understand there are guys who genuinely want to 'take care of you.' but if you, as a man, are overly insistent on paying for shit (ie: Asian men), something is wrong with you. PS. This changes if I marry you. Bearing children necessitates a situation where the dude SHOULD pay for most things..cuz I don't see a desk comin' out your vagina. 
8. I will never go psycho-bitch on you-Carrie Underwood ruined her boyfriend's souped up 4-wheel drive. Left Eye burned her boyfriend's house down. Psycho bitches kill their boyfriends/husbands/mistresses. Sorry but no man is worth being incarcerated over...unless he kills a family member or molests my future children. Keying a car, blowing up a phone, throwing things, fucking your best friend... Meh. That's psycho-bitch behavior that you'll never find me doing. This is where a good kind of 'pride' comes in. Although I've thrown things in the past but only because he threw something at me. 
9. I'll give you your space- My sister is convinced that I'm "needy" because when I have a boyfriend, a lot of my time is spent with him. She's in the camp that plays games (or she used to be) so she thinks girls should pretend they're not into the guy by not texting or calling them or asking to hang out with them when in reality, they're the ones that are obsessing over the guy in the time they're not together. In a relationship, it's a-o-normal for the participants to spend a great deal of time together especially at the onset. However, as time goes on, space is needed, especially by the males. A lot of females don't understand this and take it as a dis when the guy asks for time away. Also, a lot of girls ALWAYS want to be in the guy's presence even when he is with his dude-friends. EW. Hanging out with a bunch of dudes, watching them watch sports or play video games is a reason for me to want to kill myself. Go do your own thing, I'll go workout and lay in bed watching Youtube and porn. I love and value my Iroar solo time. So contrary to popular belief, I am not needy. It's not MY fault the guy always wants to hang out with me. Hehehe. 
10.  When it's over, it's over-I'm a connoisseur of break-ups...meaning, I deal with it very well. If you break up with me, I won't go #8. Chances are, I'm already deciding which guy I want to bang next so peace out. We'll be cordial though. 

There you have it. I know I come off as arrogant and like "I'm the cool girlfriend because blah blah blah." All I'm saying is essentially that anyone can date anyone and that there is a lot of unnecessary bullshit in many relationships. In my personal situation, there are lots of dudes who think I'm "not their type" (ahem Melvin ahem) because I don't do things in a conventional way or what have you... but a good girlfriend is a good girlfriend. I'm always in a relationship and from all the relationships I've been in, I've learned how to be an awesome, low-maintenance/low-drama girlfriend that most mentally healthy men would appreciate. So, in actuality, I am your type.. you just don't know it.. biatch! *flaps arms*

Oh. As a post script, I must say (and past men can attest to this) that the drinking-Iroar is not the same as what I mentioned up there.  I have 10 great girlfriend qualities but the one huge downside of dating me is dating the drunk Iroar. Sorry...but not everyone is perfect. =)

 Who wouldn't wanna date me?

My teeth

At times, I thank god or whomever is responsible for making me that I'm not fat, pimply, or have any other weird deformities. In fact, I'm about 95% happy about everything on my body. But where does that 5% of dislike come from? The 5% that made me utterly self-conscious as a youngster to where I prayed every day to God (when I believed in him) to change this part... the target of adolescent ridicule...made my self-esteem shrink....Yes.. it is my fucking teeth. I hate them. I mean, for the most part, I've accepted them in my path to maturity. But I still hate them.

I know one of the first things some people notice on other people is their teeth and smile. Well, I'm sure for me, it's a blazing pink elephant in the room when I meet those type of people for the first time. I wonder if they think "damn...that girl would be hot if she didn't have those teeth." Because I think like that when I meet people with an overtly ugly feature like an extra large nose or a bunch of pimples...or that strange kermit-the-frog-voice some people have. Ugh. Just in case you think I don't know my teeth are fugz, I KNOW. I just pretend they're not ugly but trust me, when I look at them long and deep in the mirror, I get a little..sad. =(

So the reason why my teeth look like they do is because when  I was younger, I was an avid tongue-thruster... like lesbertarians would be proud of me. When my adult teeth were growing in, this was the height of my tongue-thrusting habit. The constant pressure expelled from the thrusting pushed my growing teeth out. I lost my left front tooth first so given that that tooth had more time to be pushed out, it is more buck than the right one. Compound this with the fact that there are weird white calcium deposits on my teeth along with stains probably from wine/coffee, my front teeth are just hideous. *shudders* I've also had two root canals and one almost-root canal so that I have 3 molars that are capped in gold (cuz I iz gangsta) and numerous fillings that are the black kind because I am too poor to get the white fillings. And yesterday, after inspecting my teeth, I realized one of my other molars are growing brown. *sigh*

I haven't gone to the dentist in 6 years people!!! It's like I've given up. When I was 14, my dad FINALLY took me to an orthodontist who said I would have to wear braces for 3 years and a headgear at night. Plus, it would cost about 3gs for the entire process and this was at a time when my dad was claiming bankruptcy. I didn't want to burden him. Plus, I thought braces were fucking hideous. So I turned them down.

Sigh.... the things I would do for white beautiful straight teeth. I'm going to make a list of things I would do to have a dazzling smile overnight (because I ain't waiting years to get straight teeth.)

• Drink a cup of (my own) urine.
• Not drink alcohol for a month. 
• Have sex with a really ugly obese man (with no STDs). Or two.
• Chop off the toes of one foot.
• Be bald for 6 months.
• Be celibate for.... a year. Okay, 6 months...but does that mean I can have alcohol? 
• Not eat carbs for a month (I effing love carbs). 
• Hike the Appalachian trail
• Gain 20 pounds.

Basically a lot of things that make me want to otherwise shoot myself.

Anyone willing to buy me a complete set of veneers if I were to do any of those? Ugly men who I'd never sleep with have an advantage because I'd bang you if you offered me $$ for some dazzlers.  

That's like one of the main reasons why I need to marry a rich man. I WILL have straight teeth for once in my life. Yes I will. Even though I despise fake-ness and cosmetic procedures, this is one area where I will make an exception because it just does not. make. sense. why it fucking takes 3 years to straighten teeth. Or why anything related to teeth-work costs a fucking arm and a leg. 

 

 

Guess Whoooooo?

Because I am already cutting into my 8 hours of slumber, I am merely posting this picture to inform you that I had a surprise visitor this weekend. Yaaaaaay!

Now do you regret finding out about my blog, MCerters? Puhahahahaha.

Good nighty-roo. 

p90x Schmee90x

Hullo Iroar-ers. My 10pm bedtime has been detrimental to my updating. I've also been incredibly nervous about starting my internship because I am adamant about NOT re-living the horrors of not being able to classroom manage (something I expurrienced in Korea and caused me great stress to where my period was thrown off track which almost NEVER happens). So far, it's been going O~KAY. My #1 goal is to learn to create a very rule-abiding but laid-back classroom with a strong sense of community and respect for one another and especially for me...so much so that I can quell disruptive behavior with one look. I know, high standards. But you must have high standards to have the best classroom. But enough about work. Let's discuss my progress with p90x.

Because I do not like the cardio in the p90x program, I've been doing the strength-training programs of p90x interspersed with cardio from Insanity. I truly do NOT understand how people undergo such monumental changes within their bodies with p90x. Yes it's extreme, but I don't think it's SO extreme that you expurrience this:

Her bewbs are DEEEEEEEEESGUSTING!! If I paid for a boob job and it came out looking like that, I would just rip them off and throw them at my doctor.

 She's aiite. Gotta love Asian girls who work out because so many Asian girls are skinny-fat...they're thin but they're so mah-lang-mah-lang (jiggly). Her tattoo needs to go though...needs to go. 

This girl's body is bangin'...the '9 months later one.' Actually, her hips are wider than I would like...but the change is so radical that it deserves a compliment. Kudos. 

That's the same homegirl as up there..and she looks much better here. I would love if my body looked like that. She looks Vietnamese. *makes stinky face*

Anyways, you get the drift. It seems like p90x boasts that it can change one's body from being gross and floppy to basically having no body fat. And I'd have to disagree. 

I don't know if I'm not putting in 100% effort or if it's because I drink 5 bottles a wine a week or because I eat so many carbs, but I haven't had THAT much change happen to my body. And I've been doing my routine for about 2 months now. PLUS, I do a lot more cardio than the 'lean' p90x schedule calls for. NOT COOL. 

Even though I eat a lot of carbs, I actually eat pretty damn healthy. I RARELY eat red meat... probably like once a week if that. I mainly eat tofu, chicken or fish. I eat TONS of vegetables. I eat a lot of them raw. I also eat fruit of course. When I DO splurge, it's only on pizza...or wings and that's ONLY on the weekends. I NEVER snack. I probably consume about 2,000 cal/day and most are in the form of something so healthy that fat people would rather not eat than eat what I eat. 

So I'm a little confused as to why my body is not morphing into Britney Spears's pre-KFed days or Jennifer Aniston's circa Friends Seasons 7+. Sighhhhhhhhhhh. 

I think I look worse after. Maybe it's because I blew it up and it looks distorted. I dunno.

I shall still continue my combination-style Insanity and p90x workout. I think every fat person should do Insanity...but not obese people because they'll probably die. 

Michael

...Jackson.

Friday night! I'm youtubing. I thought it interesting that 4 different black male comedians made fun of Michael Jackson at one point during their comedy routine lives. I love stand-up comedy. I like: all the comedians I'm showing on this post, Margaret Cho, Anjelah Johnson, Ellen, Tosh (is he a comedian?) Joel McHale... I know there are more but I can't think of 'em.

Which one do you think is the best?

 

I'm not sure. I'm a little tipsy to make that decision right now. I liked all of them though. I think my favorite entertainers are: women pop dancers/singers, kpop stupid boy/girl bands, black males.

I'll decide tomorrow.

BoyFwiend

I haven't updated for the last two weeks because my Man-person (the Jew, from Atlanta) was visiting me and I didn't have time to update because I was too busy frolicking around DC and made a trip to NYC for my friend Boah's wedding.

Being that I've been so non-committal and because I wanted to maximize the potential for boning other men, I refrained from calling the Jew my boyfriend for a long time. In January, we started out as straight-up f-buddies. But as my f-buddies pattern goes, he fell in love with my charm and awesome body/bj-skills (jk jk) so that we were seeing each other almost every night before I left for Maryland. And since I had no prospects for getting some boning in MD (actually, I did and I told these people that I had to keep delaying our trysts because of him), he was my main contact and sense of male security, which, for some reason, I always have. Hm....

So, during his visit here, we solidified the decision that we are boyfriend/girlfriend. That title gives me the heebie jeebies and I'm still a little iffy about it, but I kind of like it at the same time because I'll be less inclined to go out and get horribly drunk and do horribly obnoxious and wreckless things. Also and more importantly, every romp in the sack with him that is not a quickie is successful and he's just so eager to please me and is so very sweet and enamored with me that I can't help but say that he DEFINITELY earned his way into becoming my boyfriend...a truly coveted position. Jk Jk.

Thus, Michael, you are boyfriend #5. Congratulations. *shakes hands*

His foot is so long. It looks like an oar. I heart his Jewishness. That's like 1/2 the reason why I like him.

Fortunately, for you perverts out there who's been sending me comments about the pictures I've been posting and also requesting private pics (uh...not gonna happen...unless you give me money. I'm broke!), Mike doesn't care about what I write or post on here. The generalization that Jewish guys are extremely laid back is very true. So, this blog won't be censored any more than before. =)

Welcome back Iroar.

Hello 2nd Graders!

Who wants to see my introduction video for my 2nd grade class??? In two weeks, I'll start my internship (ie: student teaching) at my Title 1, 95% black elementary school. Woot woot. This means that I'll be going to sleep at an ungodly hour and waking up at an ungodly hour. Fuck my life now.

 

Isn't it so cute? Lol. Jk. It's totally lame. And totally inappropriate especially with the content and other pictures on this blog. Oh wellz. What can you do.

Oh. I'll be having a visitor for the next 2 weeks. During that time, I probably won't be updating because I'll be too busy iroar-handling a penis. Wahoooooooo!

Testical Tuesday!

I had a teacher in high school who referred to Tuesdays as Testical Tuesdays. She also used to call us "Scrotum Face." Her exams were called "Testes" and colored pencils were "clitoris pencils." She also claimed that she could perfectly imitate a barking dog, but the only way she could achieve this was to get down on all fours. So she would crouch behind her desk and yap like a dog ...pretty convincingly. That's the reason behind why I titled this "Testical Tuesday."  Mrs. Herbert...you da Bizzomb.

So, the other night, I spent a great deal of time writing on here, ranting about how annoying and dumb Vietnamese girls were, especially since I worked at a nail salon for 2 days and I was SURROUNDED by the most annoying kinds of Viet girls. (This does not include my friends Anna, Tina, Kim, Kristen, and Liz). However, after I had written 5 paragraphs, I thought that this world didn't need anymore unnecessary hatred. So, I will surmise my thoughts into the following:

• The way in which Anjelah Johnson portrays workers at Vietnamese nail salons is EXACTLY on target!!! This reinforces my belief that stereotypes exist for a reason..because they're TRUE. 

• It seems like 75% of Viet girls have fake tits. Fucking disgusting. What is the point of mounting huge boobs on a chest and body of a 7 year old child? Which leads me to....
• White guys who date Viet girls are 100% going to be the dumb ones who only date them because they are Asian, ie: ASIAN FETISH.
• If I were a white guy, and I heard the accent in which fobby Viet girls speak English, my dick would fall off.

The end. Sorry. I just had to get that off my chest. But I love Anna, Kim, Tina, Liz, and Binh! But I even went so far as to make a collage of stupid Viet girls...I will post that just so I didn't waste any time:

I am seeing results from my Nazi-style working outtings. Now, my workout consists of p90x AND Insanity. Call me a gangster. Or call me a person with no friends. I don't care!!! My body's getting Rippppppped!

Woot woot. I don't know how to take pictures of myself withOUT my iphone. I wish I were more vain to make my body look (artificially) better. But I no know how. Therefore, these will have to suffice. Good night. I'm tipsy.

30 Day Challenge: Days 7 & 8

Day 07-A picture of your most treasured item  

I tried to make it look all fancy schmancy by photographing my nameplate necklace on Instagram (which I don't understand). 

This necklace was about $200 and is 14K gold and made by my favorite people: Jews! Every time I would watch Sex and the City and dumb&annoying Carrie would wear this, I would just stare at it in adoration. I absolutely LOVE gold...and script. I don't understand peoples' obsession with diamonds. When I get engaged, my luckyass man won't ever have to get me a diamond engagement ring. Just give me those gold bangles that Indian women wear. Like a BUNCH. 

It's apparent that God's chosen people made this necklace because I've worn it on crazy, drunken nights during crazy sexcapades or just general thrashing around, and it NEVER broke, got bent, or lost. *knock on wood* I love this necklace so much.

 

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

Anything that happens to my sisters is infinitely funnier than anything that happens to regular boring people. This picture is particularly hilarious because a) nobody knows what was going on in Sawa's head when this picture was taken and b) everyone thinks Sawa is all classy, polished, demure, blah blah blah. In actuality, she's a goofyass gross person that totally doesn't behave 'prettily' behind closed Jeon doors. This picture captures this pretty well...not perfectly, but well. I laugh every time I look at this picture. 

Starting Week 3 of P90X

I'm beginning to see the difference. This not-having-friends and not-having-a-job is working out very well for my body. Goooooo Iroar!

30 Day Challenge: Days 5 & 6

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

Uh..... stupid and evidence that this survey was written by a teenager. First of all, I'm 28 years old. I have a katrillion memories stored up in this noggin of mine. Being that I'm a happy person, there are numerous memories that I would say are favorable. Therefore, I cannot answer this question with just one memory.

Although, my most satisfying memory was definitely beating up this girl and then engaging in an all-girl brawl thereby making myself known to the 'mean girls' bullies back then as a badass and not to fuck with the likes of me.

But like I said. I have probably a vaster collection of memories than the average bear because I write every little thing I did in a day in my planner. You might think it's interesting but it's painfully boring. For a sample, I just now took a picture of two days. Excuse my handwriting.

That planner is a Molskine. I'm still undecided whether this brand of notebooks/journals are worth their extravagant price.

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Sad...but true. It's a powerful thing to be a rich white man in this world...but it's even MORE powerful to be a rich, white, skinny, beautiful female in this world because you can seduce any dumb rich white man. This is whom I would want to trade a day with if I didn't have to exert any energy.

THIS is whom I would've traded a day with had she been in her prime.

Being a pop-star....being on stage, dancing and lip-syncing while legions of fans and gay men worship me for having minimal talent while making oodles of money... that is what I want to expurrience.

Also, maybe her:

Because she has her own private orphanage as her children and she's able to maintain it because she's rich and does all these charitable works though she has minimal talent but she's beautiful enough to exploit it to her advantage so that everyone thinks she is a good person. I like long sentences. Plus, she gets unlimited banging access to:

I dunno what it IS about Brad Pitt. I know I've said I've replaced him as my #1 with Adam Samberg...but when I think of the word "hot male," Adam Samberg's goofy face doesn't pop into my head... BRAD PITT does...without hesitation. I would do him even if he had AIDS.

So, I guess you can see a common theme here. I would love to be a rich, white, beautiful, over-rated girl. Just to see what it feels like. Then I'd wanna revert back to the cool non-white mess that is me...but keep the rich part. Because, no lie. If I had 20 million dollars, I would be 2340982348% happy. I'm happy now...but money would make me happier ie: stress-free.

Sorry for the rambling. And for not editing this. I'm fucking tired and need to pee and kinda tipsy.

Good night.