How to (safely) take naked pictures

I just took a shower after my home workout. I normally NEVER shower after I workout because I hate showering. But I just sweated SO much. I tell ya. I've been working out at the gym for the past 6 years. And never have I sweated as much on cardio machines as I do in the p90x and Insanity home workouts...except in spinning. I love spinning. But I've figured out my home workout routine!!! I picked up the free elliptical last night. I tried out the Insanity cardio series. OMFG. That junk is way more difficult than p90x. I couldn't get through it. I think if a fat, out-of-shape person did it, they would have a heart attack on the floor within 20 minutes. Mark my words. Insanity is FUCKING insane. After I figured out I wasn't a sadomasochist, I stopped the Insanity tehehe!) and reverted back to p90x and did the shoulders/arms workout. IT. WAS. AWESOME. Okay...well as fun as you can get with working out. So my home workout routine will consist of: p90x, elliptical, and days I want to torture myself (like today: I ate 4 pieces of pizza last night at 11pm), I'll throw in some Insanity. The end.

 I know... no remarkable changes... i just wanted to post this as a prelude to what I'm writing about.

So last night, after I picked up the elliptical, trudged home after sitting in fucking traffic for 30 minutes of my 80 minute ride in the humongous truck I had rented for $100 to bring home my "free" elliptical, I'm sipping on my nightly wine. I'm sippin' and sippin' and flippin' through Facebook at 1am... and BAM!!!

I see some VERY, scandalous, naked, spread-eagle, vaginal/tittied/jizzed-on pictures of one of my Facebook friends on my NEWSFEED.

Fucking misogynist pervert. Arnold, not me.

Naturally, I thought "surely, this couldn't be. Nobody in their right mind would post these extremely scandalous photos on a public forum  It must be a pornstar or something." And since I'm naturally drawn to naked, sexual, pornographic pictures like a moth is drawn to a flame, I clicked on them.

Holy shitballs. They WERE pictures of my friend.

Okay.. so the chick isn't "my friend" per se. Rather, she is one of my sister's best childhood friends. But she is a fixture at our family Thanksgiving/Xmas dinners...so really, she is part of our 'extended' family. However, I know her well enough to text her regularly. So of course, I whipped out my phone and started texting away.

I wrote: "Uh..why are there naked pictures of you on fbook?!?!?" And she wrote back: "Hacked. I'm fucked." 

I don't really know what 'hacked' entails..but somebody (presumably a guy and presumably out of spite) had posted these pics and tagged her for the entire world to see.

To stress the extremity of these photos, I shall describe them for you one by one. (I looked at them a thousand times. What can I say? I'm a perv!)

Pictures number 1 & 2 showed a very close up dorsal view. On her back, there were pearly streaks and little droplets of jizzum. Obviously, she had just gotten banged and a guy shot his wad on her back and, hopefully with her permission, snapped two photos of it. The good thing was, her face wasn't in the picture.

Pictures number 3 & 4, she was wearing nothing but some (really cute) over-the-knee boots. She was posing in front of a mirrored closet (those things are so ugly) so she had taken a picture of her reflection where she was spreading her legs a little with her boobs covered by her hair, and the subsequent one, spread-eagled with uncovered boobies. Her face was showing in these. As was her vagina.

Picture number 5 was of her backside with her yahoo showing, albeit it had been taken far away, in a position on the couch that beckons to one's mind that one gross sex scene in that movie "Juice" where all you see is a big black booty bouncing up and down. (That's the ONLY scene I remember and once, I got super high after eating some weed brownies and spent hours trying to find it, to no avail *sad face*).

Picture number 6 was the most modest and "tastefully" done with just her belly/bra area showing...no face.

These pics wouldn't be so bad if they were privately held between two people...but damn, imagine having these on YOUR facebook on YOUR newsfeed.

I mean, I'm Queen of TMI, but if that had happened to me, I would be MORT.UH.FIED. I don't know what I would do.

Luckily, she had gotten it all worked out and the pictures disappeared by morning...and luckily, the pictures were posted at 1am on a Friday night when nobody but losers (like me) are on Facebook.

But hotdamn!!! The people who saw them, their minds must be going willlllld! And so was the right-clicking 'save' function. Poor "________."

"there there...it'll all blow over."

So, let's get to the meat and potatoes of this entry.

I take scandalous pictures all the time for all the men in my life. I think it's really fun to get a little tipsy, put on some sexy lingerie, and take a buncha pictures in various poses...especially if you have a Mac where the camera counts down from 3, and it's like 3-2-1..CLICK!! You feel like a Victoria's Secret model...although if you are fat, that's kinda gross. It really is fun. You should try it. It's probably for my own narcissism that I do it... Meh.

But, HELLO! The sole rule is:

DON'T INCLUDE YOUR FACE....EVER!!!

You can take pictures of your face because, hopefully, when a sexy picture is requested by a guy, they also want some nice ones of your face...it's sweet because then you know they don't just think of you as a piece of meat. But SEND THEM SEPARATELY. Because in the body pictures, it's okay if you are a piece of meat because nobody has to know it was you!! Your head's not there!!! Genius!!!

So, unless there is some super secret way you can hack into and figure out someone's IP number and match up the numbers on the sent pictures and blah blah blah, you are safe!

That's it. OH! Some other pointers for taking good sexy pictures is to do it in dim light, always do it at a downward or straight-front angle (NEVER UPWARDS!!), lean some part of your body in, bend arms and legs....you'll look really hot. It helps if you aren't cellulitey and/or fat either. If some part of your body is gross, don't take a picture of it!!!

And for the record, I NEVER take any pictures of my cookuh...maybe just the top part where you just see the coin-slot...nothing internal.  In fact, most of my sexy pictures are kind of innocent. I just think it's really trashy to take pornographic pictures...If there's one thing I'm not and aspire not to be is trashiness. Showing anything more than tits and ass is gross, in my opinion. I would feel REALLY objectified like that.

Examples...and just to show off:

See? These are me.....or are they? Nobody can ever prove it! But I'm telling you it is..because I don't lie. Lying is for fucking losers.

And if you were one of the recipients of these photos, good for you! You must've done something right...or at least fulfilled one of my quotas.

Fudgepacker

I shall be updating weekendly because I have no friends here and surprisingly, the amount of schoolwork dwindles when you have 3-day weekends with no job or social life. Hey. I'm not complaining. As long as I have food to eat, reefer to chief, wine to drink, porn/Friends/SAT&C/HGTV to watch, I'm a happy camper.

Ten minutes ago, I just finished my first trial of p90x. I pondered and pondered how I am supposed to workout while I'm here since YMCA is 6 miles away but 6 miles here could = 60 minutes of traffic. There's no way in fuckland that I am spending an hour in traffic to workout. Also, the Camden assholes across the way denied me the right to workout in their crappy gym, even if I paid a membership. I wish I could fight the desk-girl there. I'd bitch-slap her with her stupid dorky emo glasses. Walking/running around the neighborhood could result in me getting run-overed or raped so that's out of the question. I'm supposed to be picking up an elliptical today, which I still might do. But I just might continue this p90x routine. I'm not a big fan of the way it makes girls' bodies look. I want the Jennifer Aniston/skinny Jessica Simpson body...not the boxy, man-muscled Jessica Biel body.

I guess Jessica Alba's body is cool too. But she's more... curvy. I like tight and toned. I know boys like the curvy type. But they can kiss my ass.

The girls who come outta p90x end up looking like this.

Jessica Biel looks like she'd be SOOOOOO boring to talk to. Plus her voice is gross. When I think of a hot vanilla white girl, I think of her. No wonder Justin Timberlake cheated on her. Justin's got a lottttta flava for a whiteboy. But he's not do-able for me. His chipmunk voice and wide head is a deal-breaker. He'd be just a cool guy to hang out with. But Jessica Vanilla does look good here:

The conclusion of p90x is: I shall do it combined with the elliptical I will get. The toolbox trainer on p90x says to take pictures of one's progress so here's my day #1:

 

Shut up. I haven't worked out in a MONTH. So, it'll get better. Gooooooo Iroar!!!! I'm excited. I have some men I want to seduce. But they don't live here. Must get into tip-top figure before I start the Iroar seduction program on their doomed asses. 

Sum Gurlzzzz

Even though most girls annoy the bejezuz out of me, they are also my #1 source of entertainment (along with watching kids say and do stupid things). You will never find me watching dudes in music videos (unless it's frou-frou Kpop boy bands... but they're like girls anyways so they don't count). I don't like male singers or entertainers. I basically don't like anything with only males in it.

So my all-time favorite girls are BoA, Kim Yuna, Beyonce, Britney, Lady Gaga, basically any platinum-blonde girls who can sing/dance. But here are some unimportant girls that (for now) entertain me.

This went viral about 2 months ago. When I first saw it, BEFORE I saw it, I read a comment that said that this girl was annoying and made stupid facial expressions. So that made me biased and when I first watched it, I thought she was pretty annoying so I stopped after the first "yellow bottle chick" part. (I don't know what she's saying). But after people kept posting it, I decided to give it another chance. While I thought it was annoying (yet again), I couldn't get her voice or her exaggerated facial expressions outta my head. Soon, I had watched it ten times and it grew on me. Next thing you know, I downloaded the song and I listen to it all the time.

I really think the beauty of this cover is the fact that she's a pin-uppy lookin' white girl who raps a ghetto song (very well_. In fact, this group called KARMIN does a lot of covers...most of them are lame and cheesy (but well done). They're talented, no doubt. The girl and the guy are dating...and I think that guy is hot. I LOVE guys who have shaved brown hair and look... like teenage boys. *sigh* I think their cover is 2098234 times better than the original song, which I think is an ear-sore.


I just found out about this girl today via gawker while doing my Saturday morning ritual (waking up around 9 and looking up time-wasting youtube videos for 3 hours). Honestly, I think she's funny...as funny as a hot vanilla white girl can get. But she's also not THAT funny. And 75% of the reason why she's somewhat popular is because she milks the cool, not-dumb, hot girl image. Her name is Jenna Marbles.

As you can see, funny...but at many-a-times, LAME. Half the joy is watching a hot girl make ugly faces...and also it's comforting that not ALL hot white girls talk with that suicide-rendering, fucking highschool-girl voice. Ohmg. I can NEVER take a girl who talks like that seriously. That's why I can't watch the Kardashians for too long.

She's also a go-go dancer. Stomachs like hers always confuse me. They're like well-defined, yet there's a layer of flab that is defined as well.... weird. I guess that's the inevitable flab that develops after you turn 25 where we can never be flabless again. *sigh*



Next up is this girl whom I have NO idea who she is. I just stumbled upon her picture from one of my ex-lover's page. (If you look skanky, albeit have a nice body, in your fbook pic, I will probably click on it if I'm that bored).

So I probably don't have the rights to steal this girl's picture and put it on here especially considering I don't know her and considering the fact that I know people who know her and she probably lives within 5 miles of my house in Atlanta...but I could give 2 flying fucks. I'm just putting it on here because, well, I think she's fucking SO pretty. And I'm VERY hard to please in terms of a girl's prettiness meaning...I normally don't think any female stranger is just, OUTRIGHT beautiful. But this girl is just.... undeniably beautiful in my eyes...like movie star pretty. Perfect face, perfect body. So she can't get mad at me for saying that, at least.

Gosh. I absolutely adore long, lithe, flab-less bodies...yet she has a butt. I'm so jealous. If she wanted to, this girl could be like the ENTIRE package. I wish I was in this package. I would RULE the world. (And YES, I feel like a COMPLETE creepster jacking a stranger's photos and putting it on here and talking in great-length about it).

HOWEVER, the reason why I wanted to also talk about this girl is that I also wanted to display my hatred for gross, clowny, silicone fake melon tits and how they can completely mar a person who is (was) very beautiful NATURALLY.  

I can't believe this girl would do this to herself. I FUCKING hate beach-ball fake tits and this is the reason why. You have this wonderful piece of art...and it's like someone takes a shit on it. It just DOES NOT make sense to me....which can only make me conclude that this girl is merely a pretty package. She's too dumb and asleep to see how she's portraying herself. Combine this with the fact that she works at HOOTERS. Shoot me now. Hooters bitches are the dumbest whores around. If you're going to whore yourself out, go all the way and either be a stripper or a high-class escort. It's such a waste of beauty. So maybe this girl should get mad at me for writing this. Its like my bestie (Erin) said (because they, apparently, went to the same private catholic school): "Her parents must be pissed that they spent all this money on her private education and she turned into a Hooters girl." 

I love Erin. Fuck fake tits.

I have a fascination with white girls.... well, it's a fascination and a revulsion, both at the same time.

Hello.

Welcome to my new blog and my new stage in life....as a grad student and as an 'anonymous blogger.' *rolls eyes* It seems very unlike me to have to go undercover and censor some of my life, but it's just something you have to do as a 'community worker.' It's all so stupid because being a teacher isn't even that special or badass of a job. But since we deal with sensitive things (like your asshole children) we have to upkeep somewhat of a 'nice' and 'responsible' image. I mean, we don't want to turn out like this lady:

Homegirl was a 'hooker' in the past. C'mon. She wasn't a 'hooker.' That's just the media trying to demonize her. She was probably a high-class escort. Now she's getting all this heat because she didn't keep quite so mum about her past profession. I'm a little torn about this issue because, honestly, I wouldn't exactly be jumping up-and-down if I found out my child's teacher was a sex-worker. Well, if we're going to go there, I would be even more disturbed if she were a stripper. Strippers seem like they're way more emotionally fucked up than a 'hooker.' At least a 'hooker' knows that sex is a straight-up transaction whereas a stripper just seems desperate for male attention. And they're gross and trashy. But yeah. It's a little hypocritical for me to say I would be disturbed if she were my child's teacher since I'm all advocating the "it doesn't matter about your personal life as long as you're a good teacher" idea. I don't know. It's all so confusing. But my bottom line: if this lady were an awesome teacher then I wouldn't care if she had sex for money. Just wash your hands before touching my child. I don't want my kid to have someone's grody dick-germs on her.

So the past week was a week of uncomfortableness!!!! I don't know when I became so socially retarded but somewhere in the past 6 years I wasn't in school, I lost all ability to have 'small-talk' and also to speak as though I'm an educated person. Fuck. People in my class probably think I'm a bumbling, socially retarded idiot. Whatever. I'm just here to get my master's...and learn from good teachers so I can get the eff outta here and start my travels.

I also had to answer a buncha interview-esque questions in the process of applying and entering grad school. One thing I despise about the professional world (among a million things) is how fake you have to be during interviews and answering of questions. One time, while I was interviewing for an after-school position at a public elementary school, the principal asked me "What do you like to do in your spare time?" I answered: "I like to hang out with my boyfriend and friends." When I told adults about this, they head-palmed themselves and said "You were supposed to say you like to read books and do crossword puzzles!!!!" as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Well, excuuuuuuuuuuse me if I answered truthfully. I mean, I like to read books and do crossword puzzles but I like to fuck my boyfriend and get drunk with my girlfriends 1000% more. So shoot me.

Now I know how to answer interview questions. But, just for fun, let's see how I would REALLY answer interview questions if the world was ruled by Iroar and not a buncha fake 'professional' assholes.

• "Why University of Maryland's Mcert program?"
• Because it's the cheapest and shortest way I can get my fucking masters. Also I only need 2 prerequisites to get in whereas in other schools I need like 209234 other retarded classes that I don't need to teach 6 year olds. 
• "This is a very intensive program. How do you plan to deal with the stress?"
• Drink half a bottle of wine a day and regularly chief on some reefer. 

• "Do you consider yourself a risk taker?"
• Hell no! I'm trying to be a teacher.. The only risk there is is being punched by a belligerent parent, at which point I will fully defend myself and cut a ho.  

• "If a student said she thought you were the worst teacher she ever had, how would you react and what would you say?"
• *kicks him* 'Well you're the dumbest student I've ever had. Fail!!!!

•  "Have you ever considered publishing a book?"
• Yes. But it would be about sex..and basically other TMI things that you wouldn't want your child's teacher to ever express. 

• "If a student came to you and said, "None of the other students like me," what would you tell him/her?"
• That's because you're ugly or you smell or you're bad at sports. Grow some cojones and either make them like you or be your own best friend because they all suck anyways.

• "Are you an empathetic person?"
• Definitely not.

• "Do you believe you should build rapport with students?"
• What the hell is a rapport?

• "Are you patient?"
• Hell no. Every day is a test on whether I can get through without hitting a child. 

• 
  "What do you want to be doing in 5 years?"
• Hopefully not this.

• "How would you handle making a difficult phone call to a parent?"
• "Click!"

Okay okay. All of those are exaggerations except the first two questions..because those are the only questions I remember and actually wanted to answer like that. The truth is, I really do love children. I would rather be around a bunch of (non-spoiled) kids than a bunch of boring adults. But are my intentions to be a teacher 100% because I think teaching is wonderful and I really want to be a teacher? Probbbbably not. It was just the most logical way I could travel the world and make money. 

You'll probably see the number of updates go up cuz I procrastinate so damn much and I would rather be doing ANYTHING than writing a paper. I HATE writing papers.  

30 Day Challenge-Days 3&4

Since I've found someone to take my geometry course for me, and since I've been holed up in a hotel for the past few days, I've decided to do 2 days in 1. Besides, they're super easy assignments...but I'm pretty sure I'll complicate things because I go off on tangents a lot and am a pretty long-winded person. 

  

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Yeah... This is super easy. 

I didn't start watching Friends when it first came out. I usually shun extremely mainstream, popular things at first... probably because I don't want to be like everyone else. *sigh* I know I'm lame. I'm not even sure how I came to (obsessively) watch this show. But I know I've seen every episode at least 3-10 times. I used to hate Rachel, but now she's one of my favorite characters. If I were a 'friend,' I'd be a straight-up combination style 33.3%  of Ross, Monica, and Phoebe.

If you've ever uttered the sentence "I don't think 

Friends is funny," you and I will never see eye-to-eye.

Sex & the City

Again, when this show first came out, I was very against it because I thought it was anti-feminist. (I was a huge feminist at the time). I thought all they talked was men. But the show is built upon the idea of  sex..and with women, sex is with men...unless you're a carpet-muncher, and with sexing men come relationships. Inevitable. After I accepted that, I started watching this show, non-stop. I like it purely to entertain my girly side. I will never take info from it and apply it to my relationships...except Samantha's motto: "women are for friendship, men are for fucking." 

If I were a SATC character, I would be 50/50 Samantha and Miranda. Carrie is annoying as shit. 

Day 04-A picture of last night

How about pictureSSSS?? I can't stick to short entries...so what makes you think I can stick to just one picture to describe last night...though my night was pretty 'lame' by society's standards, I had a great time. Enter...the private behind-the-door scenes of Iroar's night life.

I assume night means post-6'oclock. Right about that time, I was napping with this person after our 2nd session of the day. In fact, the entire night included this person as most of my nights in the past 4 months have.

 my Jew.

After waking up, we cheeba'ed...then we went to meet up with his mother to acquire my title for my new old car. As you know, I'm leaving for Maryland on Wednesday, and I had to hurriedly buy a car. I'm a lazy, procrastinating person... and I always figure something will fall into my lap...and it ALWAYS does. I hate American cars with a passion... but lo and behold, through the Jew's very trustworthy mother, I get an American car... an OLDSMOBILE.  A CUTLASS. A CHAMPAGNE Oldsmobile Cutlass. I canNOT get away from that car color. 

 So oogly. It looks like a snapping turtle. But you can't beat an everything's-working, leather, '99, 83k miles car that only cost $2500.

After, we went to dinner at a yummy BBQ joint: 

I freaking love BBQ and I must've consumed 1,000 calories at 9 pm but without much of a guilty conscience...ooooh the benefits of being a girl who can eat whatever she wants and not turn into a heifer. Yeah! I'm boasting! It's the reward I get for being a butterface. Lol.

We stopped by the ghetto roswell rd Kroger to get condoms, breakfast bars, and rolling papers.  

At his place, one of his friends came by...and it's funny because his friend was Korean. The Jew said he had never hung out with any "oriental" girls before he met me and the one "oriental" dude-friend he has is Korean. It's also funny cuz I thought I knew all the Korean people my age but I didn't know him. I know, as a non-Korean, you would find that ludicrous..but back circa '95-00, there were like a handful of Koreans and we ALL went to church and even though one claimed to be white-washed, we STILL knew each and every one. Anyways, we smoked some more and I started acting all 'weird, awkward high." Luckily, he left not too shortly after.

I drank one glass of wine, laid in bed watching the Jew pack/clean his room and as he rolled me 10 j's for my next month in Maryland (more importantly, the drive up there)

 

Then we banged and I passed out. I've been very tired lately. 

And that was Iroar's night of 5/28/2011.  

30 Day Challenge-Day 2

I feel like a gay emo teenager doing this damn photo challenge and am actually a little annoyed that I started this in the first place. But it's amazing how when you have something important to do (ie: finish my online prerequisite geometry course by July), you procrastinate by finding something completely unimportant to do (ie: this blog) just to put off the important thing. *sigh*    

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Shibalsshang. I cannot figure out how to rotate this so sideways you will stay. In case you didn't know, that shapeless lump with the sparse hair is me, and the toadstool in the dress is my sister, Sawa.

 

So recently in a wine-fueled conversation, my sister told me I was her best friend and my anus almost turned inside out clenching itself (ie: heebie jeebies.) And I thought "ew... sisters are NOT best friends." Then later, I realized that I HAVE been close to this biatch and we HAVE grown up together side-by-side and experienced life together. So though we are not 'best friends' per se, she is the person I've been closest to for the longest time. We did, however, have ONE falling out where we were estranged for half a year. This is what happened: 

 

In sophomore year of college, I lived in Chateau Club apartments ie: ghettoville, with my girlfriends and my sister. At the time, I had a red Honda Civic that I had saved up for and bought with my OWN money. I was very fond and protective of that car. Actually, I was just an extremely anal person at the time and I lived my life as though I was in the military (I would plan my day hour by hour and stick to my regimen religiously). 

 

Sawa, on the other hand, was and still is a scatter-brained pinhead and lives life like the tasmanian devil from Looney Tunes.

Yes...with that facial expression, sawa plows through life.

During the semester we lived together, I was getting fed up with our messy room, a messy kitchen, and my stuff going missing (compliments of Sawa)..and I would DEFINITELY hate when she borrowed my car. Apparently, my uptightness was also pissing off Sawa but she's an extremely patient person so she never said anything.

One night, while I was locked in Liz's room discussing how cool we were, Sawa took out my precious Civic without telling me...just snuck that bitch out, right under my nose. She and Esther took the car and picked up some other UGA girls and got the car stuck on some curb. When I got the call about it, I was fucking PISSED OFF. In my anal mind, her getting the car stuck equated to her totaling the car. After some burly men helped unstick the car, Esther and Sara and the other girls we didn't know that well came back and trepidatiously entered the apartment where, of course, I was waiting, pacing around furiously (and Liz was trembling in the corner).

Right when Sawa came through the door, I ran up to her and screamed "Why the FUCK are you taking my car without telling me?!?! And you fucking get it stuck..." I was like a crazy banshee.

Like that...but way uglier. 

Then my voice cracked and I started crying/screaming. Then I gave Sawa a hard shove. Sawa picked up the nearest thing she could find, which was a glass bell jar, and hurled it at me. Having lightening-quick reflexes, I was already running away when she reared her arm back. But the glass jar hit my back shoulder blade. She came running at me like a linebacker but I was ready for her. 

I stood..waiting.

Then....slo-mo, this ensued.

Sara's the one getting knocked back. *that's right, bitch*

She hit the ground and started kicking her combat-shoes-ridden feet at me like she was pedaling a bicycle. I was on the top throwing punches at her head. 

Karleen, who was locked in her room probably drinking beers while Anthony watched, came running out screaming "Nooooooo!!!! Stop it!" She tried to wedge herself in between us but her 5'1 ass wasn't gonna stand in the way. I literally picked her up and threw her to the side leaving nothing but her long, black hair streaking across. 

Then I continued to pummel Sara as hard as I could while she kicked me, mostly in my groin area. 

All the bystanders (and for some reason, there was a lot of people there, mostly strangers) and all of them were like : 

Then the fighting stopped. I don't know how it stopped but it was alluva sudden. Sara ran out of the apartment into Esther's room and cried all night. Liz and I holed up in my room and talked about everything that had unfolded. I didn't cry but I felt extremely bad for whooping her ass (hehe) I don't know where the other girls went off to...Karleen probably resumed her drinking and spam-eating with Anthony.  

The next morning, I brought her (free) donuts from Starbucks and I heard that when she received them (I didn't give it to her personally), she started bawling again. 

I don't think we talked for the next week, but gradually, we started being normal again, although we didn't mention our fist fight for a good six months. But I did get a scolding from my parents and my uncle for "뚜두려페ing" (beating up) my older sister.

From that point on, Sawa refused to live with me while I was so anal. Luckily, right around that time is when my intense reefer smoking and alcoholism began and I loosened up like 209384029384%. And now Sawa loves me. She calls herself my "biggest fan." I guess some ass-beating helps set a person skraight. JK. 

(Don't think I'm a total monster. Sara's been pounding on me since I was just a baby...and has beat me up several times as a teenager. This fight was our last major fist-fight. We have grown since then!! Except for the time she threw two cans of tuna in my face in Korea). 

The end.  

30 Day Challenge-Day 1

In order to encourage myself on getting on here and writing more nonsense, I decided to do this 30 day challenge you see on fbook, on blogspot. Woot woot! I don't think fbook can handle the uncensored iroar... And, I highly doubt I will finish so don't get too excited. 

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts

1. When I was younger, my brother and I used to plug our noses like this.

2. Out of all my siblings, my brother and I are have the most animosity between each other. Actually, the animosity is directed one way (him -----> me). But I guess I can see why. One time, I slammed a video game controller on his head because he beat me in Super Mario Bros. Another time, I pissed him off so bad, he called 911...and then he got a spanking. And another time, I chased him down some stairs and beat him up because he wouldn't stop singing along to Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise." My reason? I said he wasn't cool enough to sing the song. No wonder he hates me. 

3. I do not watch movies, read novels, watch t.v. shows or appreciate any types of art or weird music. I don't like things so-called creative people created. I just don't give a damn. 

4. Actually, the only 2 tv shows I've watched since I was 18 is Friends and Sex and the City. And I can quote a quip (or 9) from every episode. 

5. I hate going out to eat. Not just hate, I ABHOR it. In fact, we are supposed to be having a girls' night out tonight complete with dinner at Shoya and I am dreading going (the dinner part). I hate paying (a lot) for food. If a meal is more than $12 (including tip), I hate it no matter how good it tastes. All 'fancy' restaurant food tastes exactly the same to me--like salt and butter. I will NOT attend a birthday dinner for even my closest friends, unless it is at Jason's Deli, Chick-fil-A, pho, or Mellow Mushroom.

6. I've never been on a real date before. Like the whole "Do you wanna go out some time... I'll pick u up at 8" and a 'getting to know you' dinner/movie never happened with me... This is because: 

7. I am always the chooser of the male I want. And when I decide I want him, I usually bed him within the week of making  my decision so there is no 'getting to know you' dinner. I call it the "buy now; ask questions later" tactic. This tactic bodes well for me.

8. My life goal is to open and maintain an orphanage. 

9. I've never shaved my armpits. 

10. I've written down everything I do, everyday, in a planner, for the past 15 years. I have about 20 planners filled with what time I got up, what I ate, what I spent money on, how many times I've had sex (stars = 1 session, 1/2 star for oral sessions, stars with happy faces for if I...was satisfied), how many drinks I've had, and what time I go to sleep. 

That's why my memory is infallible. Whenever someone questions me about anything that happened in the past, I have a record of it so nobody can argue with me about past daily-going-ons.  

The end. 

Sorry so boring.