I told meself that if I had another bad night of drinking, I would mosey along to a Smart Recovery meeting because I didn't like AA. Friday night was that night. I don't remember most of what made the night so bad. But I did get kicked out of yet another bar, but this wasn't a nice kick-out like the previous ones. I was actually roughhoused where two meaty bouncers had to put me in a body-hold and carry me out. And I waited in an alleyway crying for 20 minutes until I found Anna. I don't know the reason why I got kicked out...but apparently I kicked one of the bouncers in the butt. I think that might have done it. Then on the way home on the Metro, I peed in a sink in the bathroom. That is the thing that horrifies me the most because that means I put my naked rear-end on some type of porcelain surface in a public bathroom. *shudders*
So I really am going to try and go to at least one meeting to see what it is like and whether it could be of any help to me. The meeting closest in location and time is held in Catholic church, which doesn't seem promising but still. *sigh*
I'll update later tonight.
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Starting tomorrow, I am at my elementary school 5/week meaning my bedtime is at 9:50 every day and it blows a cock. Plus my courses have started and I intend on going to these damn Smart Recovery meetings assuming I'll like the first one so I don't know what this means for my poor bloggy blog.... I haven't touched my tumblr since two weeks ago cuz nobody reads it anyways. No motivation.
I only worked out three times last week because my Jew was here for the first part of the week and Fridays, I never seem to want to workout. I think half of my drinking problem stems from my perspective of the weekend and how it should be dedicated to getting schwasted and getting crazy cuz the weekdays suck ass.
I feel super self-conscious when I reveal to people that I am going to attend meetings because it seems too extreme for my actual 'problem.' An alcoholic brings to mind a pathetic, wallowing, depressed person that hates life and I am definitely not that. I think I am just very regimented and my routine happens to include drinking...but then how can I explain the fact that I can't control how much I drink, especially in social situations?
I sit here and battle out all these thoughts in my head and every time I try to justify the reasons how much I drink and why I act the way I do when I am drunk, I just come up with excuses which means I'm in denial again...or am I?
Gosh it's just so confusing. Arg.
Anyways, here is how I'm lookin' at the end of January. I am proud of my progress. Woohoo!
I've gotta figure out how to take better pictures.
I aimed not to drink during the weekday...but I'll admit it. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with all that is going on so I succumbed. Starting next week, I'll be going to my internship (student teaching at the ghetto school) 5 days a week, which means I'll have to wake up at 5:50 am every day. And soon, I'll be in full-on teaching mode where my skillz will be put to the test. Plus, I have to take graduate school classes AND do research crap. AND look for jobs. The job is not the biggest stress. I must say, I'm a little freaked out about the full-on teaching SOLELY because I have such issues dealing with my misbehaving students...and guess what? They are all boys. In fact, thinking back, the ONLY problems I've had with students are found in MALES. I don't get along with men now, I don't get along with little boys either. The problematic girls, piece of cake. We get along... we're like homegirls. But problematic boys, goddamn, I have such issues dealing with them. I swear, the only dudes I can really get along with, I have to be either fucking or they have to be gay. Love you E!
But anyways, so I've jumped on the wagon for now... is it called bandwagon? So far, the past two weekends have been somewhat of a success concerning my alcoholism. Other than the almost-burning-down-the-house incident, I've been okay...dare I say, proud of myself? If I get out of hand again though, I'm going to try the SMART Recovery program.
Here is my current progress with my working-outtings.
I'm flexing...but I'm really beginning to see a difference. I still have a stubborn small tire around my belly but it has gotten noticeably smaller, meaning I can't grab as much of it as before.
Before I go to sleep, what do you think of this chick?
Another white rapper that my quasi-male friend forced me to watch after I displayed my linking toward Kreayshawn. He claimed she (IGGY AZALEA) is much better. I'm split-minded. Allz I know is, she'd be MUCH hotter if she were toned. Your slimness ain't gonna last as you get older homegirl. Lift them weights.
Over the break, my sister Sawa and I were chilling in her very small bedroom and while she was browsing the Internet, she asked me if I had ever heard of an alpha female. Now, I know alllllll about the alpha male (my brother is one) and the thought of one makes me crinkle my nose. Typically, alpha males and I do not get along as I do not get along with MOST men. But in the event that I do hook up with an alpha male, I have lots of chemistry with in the sack-a-roo. But no, I had not heard of an alpha female and when my sister told me that she thought I was an alpha female, I shunned the thought....that is, until she read me the characteristics. Then I was like "whoa... whoa... that's me, that's me, and yup, that's me." At the end of the list, I felt very honored to have her deem me as an alpha female. Even though it's a little arrogant to think that I am an alpha badass bitch, it doesn't matter because I really think I am and I take great pride in it. So here is the list of characteristics followed by my commentary on why 9 out of 10 of these traits hold true for me.
What I think of when I think of an alpha female
1) Independence The Alpha Female is fiercely independent and can take care of herself. She will not beg you for a diamond in order to impress her friends and family. She does not want to be tied down to anyone… unless it’s her HERO who has the courage to man up in the relationship and take the lead. She has no time for someone that she needs to mother.
Definitely true...especially now with my feelings of being non-committal. While I always have a boy (or several) I am talking to, none of them truly have me unless they are the leader in the relationship, which is very rare sadly. And fuck diamonds. Give me some bamboo solid gold earrings.
2) Uniqueness The Alpha Female has her own style… she is uniquely herself and is guided by her own rhythm. She follows the voice of her feelings – though she doesn’t neglect her sense of reason. She may even outright reject one or more social conventions – marriage, religion, government… nothing means more to her than HER ideas… she’s the top of the food chain in her world.
Uh.... Do I even have to explain this one?
3) Strength While she happily takes a more submissive role when dealing with a true MAN, she can hold her own in the boardroom or on the street. She commands the respect of other people and is selective about who she invites into her life. She has a pleasing personality. She is warm and friendly, but also strong when necessary.
I am bored with 99% of people I come across, hence the selective part. And yes, I do command respect, especially as a female. Garnering respect as a woman is a huge feat, especially respect from men. But I will never clamor for respect from men. They just better do it. Assholes.
4) Magnetism She is dynamic, has presence and doesn’t blend in with the crowd. She’s charismatic and can work a room. You feel like she’s drawing you and everyone else into her web.
I can be very charismatic....to the people I want to woo. Most people, I don't give a flying poop about so I don't even attempt to get to know them so I appear like an unfriendly bitch. But if I want you to be in my inner circle, I will definitely draw you into my web of wonders. Few people have been there and I must say, it is a special place.
5) Self-Expression: Physical and Verbal The Alpha Female is articulate and speaks with her mouth as well as with her eyes. She knows what she wants/feels/needs and she easily expresses those things. She lets you know how much she adores you or despises you… and sometimes, if she chooses… you can’t read her at all.
Uh.... this blog, evidence #1. I cannot hide a look of disgust if I see the following: fake-looking bitches, tribal tattoos, any big ugly tattoos, obese people, people who are wearing clothing inappropriate for their bodies, hipsters, Jehovah's Witnesses, people who can't dress, ugly girls with hot guys, ugly people in general, meat-heads, white trash, FOBs, typical Vietnamese girls, sorority/fraternity-esque ppl, anyone under the age of 24, etc...the list goes on and on. Yes, I'm judgmental but who cares. Oh. I RARELY lie but in the event that I do, it's very difficult to tell that I'm lying. Can't read me bitches *flaps arms*
6) Assertiveness This woman won’t be pushed around. She stands up for herself – quickly and succinctly putting people in their place if they try to disrespect her. The good news is that unlike other women, she’s easy-going and doesn’t throw tantrums, whine, bitch or nag. Her sense of reason doesn’t allow her to act like a child.
You know what, this trait might be the only one that doesn't define me. I can be assertive....but only when drunk. I am VERY non-confrontational. I will stick up for what I believe in...but I won't outright be combative with people. I hate drama so I have the ability to get along with mostly everyone, especially in situations where I HAVE to be around people that might be disagreeable (ie: work). It's funny cuz I am assertive when drunk and easygoing when I'm sober...I don't throw tantrums or nag, though I definitely bitch. But when I'm drunk, I do all of the above...but only to the men who I am boinking. *sigh*
7) Confidence Ms. Alpha Female is comfortable with herself. She loves her body and her brain and she works them out regularly. She knows her own value and sees that she’s beautiful from the inside out. She won’t settle for less than the absolute BEST in everything from men to career contracts.
I love myself. I am my own favorite person and my own best friend. I teem with confidence because I constructed it myself. If I listened to others' opinions of me, it would NOT be so strong. But it is hard-won though it is not blind. That's all I've gotta say about that. If you disagree, you're wrong. Jk. It's cuz you don't understand what's going on in my noggin. And no, I won't ever settle cuz I deserve the best. Dayum I sound conceited.
8) Playfulness This woman knows how to have FUN… especially with men. She is walking entertainment. She has a sense of humor and smiles and laughs at anything (including herself when appropriate). She sees the positive side of life and enjoys playing in it. She is the perfect complement to the sexy Alpha Male. And although she has no desire to be “caught”, her fun attitude that puts you at ease definitely makes her a “catch”.
You have to be my boyfriend or entranced in my web to fully understand my appeal. If you're not, then you probably think I'm a whackjob. Whatevs. *shrugs*
9) Je Ne Sais Quoi – Something Interesting Mademoiselle Alpha Femme gives good conversation. She has many layers to her essence and more to talk about than Desperate Housewives or what “some girl said to me.” She has opinions, interests and passions which make her whole face light up when she speaks of them. You could talk to her all night without a dull moment.
If I like you, I will never be dull to you. Unless I'm sleeping.
10) Ambition-The Ambitious Alpha Chick is actively pursuing a dream or goal and is unconcerned with you making enough money to “provide for her”… she’s building her own empire.
I always say I'm going to marry a rich guy, and I must to live out my dream of adopting several children. But that's ONLY because my aspirations have a cap on how much income they generate. It's not my fucking fault that teachers or any career associated with bettering childrens' lives have low salaries. Personally, I think the intent behind my career choice is worth way more than a fucking businessman or any other retarded career that is waaaaay overpaid (ie: athletes, popstars, etc).
10.5.) Sex Appeal All of the above alpha female characteristics make her sexy, but she has even more. She wears the things that make her look like a pretty woman. She moves her body in ways that make you think of sex. She flirts with you (in her own signature way). She’s your girly childhood buddy that you go on adventures with who often morphs into the vixen who gives you adventures in the bedroom. Her femininity makes you feel like a man. When you’re around her, you feel craziness rise in your body.
I appeal to only a certain kind of man...that is if I've chosen you to see this side of me. Just ask Michael (my Jewish boyfriend.)
Again, I know this post makes me appear like an arrogant asshole. But I really don't care. I know who I am and I'm super flattered that my sister considers me an alpha female. I'm proud of myself and I think I'm da bomb. If you don't, that's your problem. Oh. And I don't befriend other women who don't have these characteristics. "Basic bitches." Woot woot.
P.S. I'm a little buzzed. Hey, I don't have anything to do tomorrow! I was PRETTY responsible this past weekend (what is a weekend without drinking?) However, on Friday night, I went to the local college bar where I got pretty sloshed, came home and popped a pizza in the oven for a little drunk-eating. Then I passed out. I woke up 5 hours later and realized the oven was still on, which resulted in this:
Goddamn I get so freaking lucky. My house could've burnt down, but all the pizza did was shrivel up into this charred circular mess. Lordy lord.
I wasn't gonna update because unlike last week where I felt all productive, this week I felt dead inside. Yesterday I realized it was cuz I was so fucking bored...and I was bored cuz I wasn't drinking. Sorry, but I think drinking wine at night by myself is really fun and not drinking regularly has sucked the fun outta my life. So I bought a bottle of wine (that I plan on uncorking after I write this paragraph) and then a random person from Germany commented which inspired me to write today, so here I am. Hello random German person! *waves furiously*
*Pours wine*
So, with the inspiration flooding in, I decided to write about something that is constantly plaguing my mind,and by plaguing my mind, I mean seriously grossing me out. I am talking about male bodily fluids, specifically, ejaculate. Ugh.
I love this ad. It's Puma. I think the clothes are cute. The splooj on the leg is effing disgusting. And why did the girl spit it out on her leg? Or did it drip out of her mouth sideways onto her leg? Gross.
First, I must mention that ANY male bodily fluids gross me out...and it's a burden cuz I enjoy boinking men but that exposes me to most of kinds of fluids...sweat, splooj, spit. The only thing absent is pee-pee and let me tell you, watching boys of any age pee in the toilet gives me great anxiety. The force at which it comes out, the way it bubbles up, the always-dark-yellow-color, and the potential of it splashing everywhere makes my palms sweat. I even have nightmares where I'm watching little boys pee and their pee sprays everywhere, hitting me. *shudders*
Second, in one of my previous, more widely-read blogs, I wrote a looooong (and awesome) rant against men...blowing loads in women's mouths. It was quite popular and caused some controversy. Some dumb Vietnamese or Chinese girl from UGA even posted it on an RSX forum that she frequented and alllllll these dudes went off on ME. Then the hoe posted a picture of me on there (as though my looks mattered) where all hell broke loose with the dudes bashing me saying I was ugly and dumb...but geez...Allz I was saying was that if men are so adamant about cumming in our mouths and having us swallow their disgusting spermies, then they should subject themselves to tasting their own juices to see what the fuck we have to endure. And then let's see if they think it's "easy." Fuck those type of men. Yes, I still feel heavily against the expectation that women should either spit or swallow. In fact, that was one of the greatest entries I ever wrote and I've tried to unearth my the_c_u_n_t xanga so I can find that exact entry and print it out and cuddle with it.
Anyways, the hatred for sperm-in-mouth was reinvigorated after I watched the movie Friends With Benefits with my Jew over winter break. Observe this scene:
Stop at mark 2:53
If you decided to watch the scene, you'll see that Justin Timberlake sneezed right as he came and it is implied that Mila Kunis swallowed his grossness...to which my Jew replied, "she's a dirty girl." From that point, I was committed to hating the movie because a) I was grossed out b) He said it as though he was impressed and he wished I would do that c) I got jealous cuz of that, and d) the movie sucked.
At this point, you can guess that I am DEFINITELY not a swallow-er. In fact, I fucking hate the fact that men just EXPECT us to let them ejaculate in our mouths and get all offended if we don't. It's like they don't think it's fucking disgusting and we should slurp it up like it's fro-yo or something. Let me tell you, IT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING. Any hoe that says "oh... I like it...it's sweet" is a lying cunt-fuck. Yes, two horribly vulgar cuss words combined into one. That's how strongly I feel about it.
I mean, I didn't even let that junk near my mouth up until about boyfriend #3. His argument was that blowjobs aren't worth even receiving if you can't finish with a bang. I thought it would be a complete waste of a bj because if I am going to go through all the trouble of "teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses," then I might as well let him finish with a bang and deliver a bj that he will remember for the rest of his life. Plus, the guys I usually go all out for are the ones that fully reciprocate and I don't imagine that licking vagina is a walk in the park either.
So, that is the line that I have drawn. I always joke on here that I have good bj skills...and I really think I do. But mark my words. I will NEVER swallow and you should NEVER expect me to either. You get what you get and you don't pitch a fit, is what I tell you toddlers. You are lucky enough I let you deposit your specimen into my mouth. I know it would turn you on if I acted like I enjoyed it. I know a lot of girls do... but they are ACTING. While they may look like this:
they are actually thinking this:
Or at least quality girls do. I can't imagine any respectable girl who would rave about how much she enjoys gargling splooj.
OMG... this entry did NOT go like I wanted to...it's all over the place. The point is, you will NEVER find me swallowing. I don't fake it. But, I won't lie. I have swallowed before. TWICE...once by accident. In fact, the once by accident is what I originally wanted to write about (which might also be the reason why I hate it so much) but my bedtime is near so that will have to wait. I have a field trip tomorrow and I'm too tired to make it how I wanted it to be. I'm probably going to erase it.
And the German person asked whether I am still working out (yes: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/queenoffatkiller) and whether I was still drinking. I am tonight, but I am still working on my alcoholism (which is going swimmingly....three points for Iroar).
Good night. Baltimore Aquarium tomorrow.
January 11, 2012
MY LIFE IS SO BORING.............................................................
Just spent the past two hours looking up everything Kreayshawn.
All I've gotta say is...wowwwwww... very interesting. I wish I were 22 again and could get away with dressing/acting like that.
It sucks getting older.
Gooooooooo Kreayshawn! You are hilarious...and awesome...and dress soooooo cute! We need more girls like this. I'm a fan...even though she's a zygote. I got the swag and it's pumpin' out my ovaries. She sho does...and she's a white girl!!! FINALLLLLLY. A non-boring white girl. *jumps up and down*
Gangsta.
The more interviews I watch of her, the more she appeals to me. I mean, it is obvious that she is very young, but she has similar views to mine. She reminds me a lot of how I was when I was her age (gosh that sounds patronizing) but I was not as extreme, though now that I look back, I wish I had been more extreme. I'm such not a risk-taker... I'm a pussy and I'm also not as creative. Ohmg.. I am admitting that a white girl is more flavorful than me! What has this world commmmmme to?
Kreayshawn, can I join your White Girl Mob? I'll be the ajumma!!
I can see my body getting more toned. It sounds narcissistic, but I watch myself working out and I inspire myself by doing so. My sister was going through my pictures on my phone, and she noticed how most of the pictures are of me posing in my workout gear. I told her I'm my own thispiration. But it's not like I'm like "Dayummmm! My body's hottttt!" (O~kay.. I do a little....but I know the reality of the situation.. I'm a butter-face, I'm okay with that). But more so, I'm looking at those pictures because they make me want to workout more to get more toned.
I can't help but think that while I may look strong, my muscles are completely useless. I don't use them for anything except to look good. I wish I could fight like Ashley Judd in Kiss the Girls ie: kick a potential rapist's ass. When I get some $$, I want to take a martial arts class for real...or a dance class, but I would feel so dumb. Gotta get over it.
The reason I write this is because of this woman: Jenyne Butterfly. I don't know much about her at all. I just know she is an awesome pole dancer. I wonder if she's an actual stripper. Even though I think strippers are among the scum of the earth, I can't help but admire this girl's body and how fucking strong she is. I bet most guys can't do it. Do you know how fucking hard females have to workout to achieve that strength?!??!?!
Observe...but skip to the 1:23 mark for the real action. The first part is completely retarded. I guarantee you will say "holy shittttt" or "whoa" throughout. I did.
Goddamn. She is goooooooood. I'm jealous.
No drinking tonight!!! That's four nights in a row bitches...though this weekend I will drink. I know I said I would hold off for a week, but what's the point of a weekend if you don't slizzard?...though my goal is not to get slizzard...just warm and fuzzy.
I posted on my tumblr. It's about drinking water...kinda boring, but I might as well put it on here. Sober night #3. Gooooood job. Plus, you get to see me quasi-fat.
One of the main (and easiest) ways to stay healthy is to drink water. I don't know how the hell I survived prior to discovering how integral water was (is) to being healthy. I remember all throughout middle and high school, I constantly had a decaying taste in my mouth because I was so hungry and thirsty all the time. Gross huh?
My friend vaGINA turned me onto the wonders of water in college. We would toke in her car and she insisted that I chug the gallon of water that was always on the floor of her passenger's side. She's a little naggy so I yielded but from that point on, you would NEVER find me without a water bottle.
I drink at least two 32 oz of water a day. If you don't know, that's about two of those Nalgene water bottles that white people carry around. Any less, my pee will be dark yellow. cloudy and smelly. *shudders*
When I first started drinking lots of water. I could not stop peeing. I doubt I drank as much as I do now, but over time, I think my body got used to it. Throughout the day, drinking 64 oz of water, I only pee about 4-7 times (also depending on whether I drink coffee or not). So it's not like I'm always on the loo. It's totally doable...plus it feels so damn refreshing...especially a glass of ice water...especially a glass of ice water while doing cardio. For some reason, when I drink tepid water during an intense cardio workout, I feel like barfing.
Here are the reasons why I think water is so fucking important. I might gank some 'facts' from other sources as I run out of my own reasons... I will cite these.
Water prevents headaches- Whenever you get a headache for no reason, like you're not hungover or about to start your period, you're probably hungry or dehydrated. Drink water.
Putting water into your body is kind of like when you flush the toilet after taking a shit- it flushes all the gunky shit out of your body. What do you think shit and piss is? Waste....that water greatly aids in getting rid of. Is that grammatically correct? Meh.
On that note, a lot of foods have a lot of sodium in them... you wouldn't even know. Unfortunately, Asian foods have a lot of sodium... American food, generally being unhealthy and processed, has lots of sodium in there too. Drink water... it'll flush it out. Think about when you eat an entire bowl of pho or can of chicken soup. You get thirsty within the hour right? That's cuz the sodium is sucking all the water from your body and doing some crazy shit with it. Drink water...flush it out. You know how you go swimming in the ocean and your lips feel fucking weird? That's cuz the salt sucked up all the moisture in your lips and now it's like grandma's lips. Drink water.
People wonder why my skin is so clear--a characteristic I can boast about that. I rarely have pimples or back-ne. I feel like that's because water stabilizes the oils or whatever makes you break out everywhere. Obviously I'm lacking research in this but I really think drinking water makes your skin clear and supple. Fuck Proactiv.
Water cures hangovers. Want my remedy for hangovers? I'm a connoisseur of battling them. You drink your alcoholic drink alongside a cup of water allllll night long. If you binge, you wake up around 7, down two tylenols and a huge glass of water, sleep two or more hours, wake up and drink water throughout the day. Voila... hangover gone by 2pm. (This is assuming you've drank A LOTTTTTT). It also helps if you eat something greasy but delicious. Sorry, but munching on carrots and cabbage is the last thing you want to eat when you're hungover.
Water helps you feel full so you don't end up stuffing your face. Whenever I'm eating, I'm drinking throughout my meal. My relatives, being Korean and overly superstitious, say that it's bad for you to drink water intermittently during your email. Disagree. Drinking before and during makes you full. It might not be optimal for digestion...who knows? If you want to avoid over-eating, drink water.
If you drink water all the the time, you won't have any space or desire to drink healthy's nemesis #1.... CARBONATED/JUICY BEVERAGES. Ohmg...this morning, I caught a snippet of a morning talk show where the DJs were talking to a girl who was addicted to Diet Coke. I could just imagine this bitch, all fat, leaning on her desk with her can of soda next to her, on the phone, hankering for her next cigarette. If you ever come across people who are addicted to diet sodas (particularly girls who drink them), they are usually fat and lead unhealthy lives. Diet sodas taste so artificial to me...like if those hoes from The Hills were able to get reborn as a drink, they would be Diet Coke...with their fake, syrupy voices. Gross. God, I sound so negative. But I fucking hate sodas, flavored water, blah blah blah. JUST DRINK WATER.
Okay.. I could write more, but I feel like I've ranted enough. My fingertips are freezing, my bedtime is encroaching, and I have to go over the read aloud I'm doing tomorrow for my asshole students.
Good night!
DRINK WATER.
Oh! The reason I wrote this post tonight is because I ate an entire bowl of pho, drinking all its contents because it was homemade and does not contain MSG so I trust it. I also drank two big glasses of water. At the end of it all, I had a huge water baby in my stomach. I took a picture of it because it literally looks like I'm in my second trimester. It's scary.
Remember that commercial for the water baby toy? It's my water baby!
I'm so proud of myself because having an actual day off with no homework or no lesson planning, I've actually been able to do stuff. Since I'm not a social person, my idea of fun is toking in my car and then going to run errands. The drive is half the fun. It has to be a solo activity. Even cooking while listening to music can be pleasurable, as I hate cooking. I'm such a boring person. Maybe I'm so productive because I'm proud of not for drinking last night and having no plans to drink tonight either.
Part of my productive day is eating healthy. Long vacations are relaxing but I eat like a fat girl. So even though I fucking did not want to return back to MD and re-start my reality, I did kind of want to return to eating healthy and exercising. Today I will do cardio (bleh) and p90x? Here's to hoping!
My sitemeter reveals that most of my visitors come here to view "before and after p90x bodies." So, to all you probably fat people who are trying to become healthier, this is how you should eat if you want to lose weight (and kudos to you in taking the first step! Fat is gross).
I think this is the first time I ever took a picture of my meal. As you can see, I do not believe in presentation. Throw the shit into a bowl.
That is a half-slab of tofu atop some greens/spinach, grape tomatoes and sliced mushrooms with half an avocado. I just sauteed the tofu in very little Hoisin sauce (trust me...very little goes a long way) and that omits the need for salad dressing (the culprit to faux-healthy salads). Notice, the only thing I'm drinking is water. That's all you need. Fuck flavored water, that Crystal Light shit and diet sodas (the WORST). JUST. DRINK. WATER.
It wasn't the best meal but I feel it was pretty balanced in terms of fat, carbs, protein. In case you are wondering where the carbs are in this meal, there aren't any because I ate a bagel for breakfast.
Ew. That might be the most boring thing I ever wrote about. But look what else my sitemeter turned up that tickled my fancy:
Obviously I enlarged and colored the asian anal search words. Hahahahahaha...what perverted administrator or teacher is searching for asian anal while on the job?? I can't even go on Facebook at my school.
Speaking of anal, I'm gonna go watch some porn now...not anal porn cuz that's guh-ross. It's been a loooooooong time. Write later tonight! Gooooooo no-drinking Iroar!
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The productivity continues.
I did it! I made the TUMBLR and so far, I've not drank anything. I don't even want to. I feel weird.
But just in case you are too lazy or technologically inept to find my About Me, I shall copy and paste for you.
THE QUEEN
For now, I won’t state my true identity but I shall in the near future.
I am 28 years old, female, graduate student in Maryland studying elementary education. That’s right, I’ll be your child’s future teacher.
I am a fat-tist.
Now, fat, to me, can be used interchangeably with several words, primarily,unhealthy. You can be skinny and unhealthy (like models who snort cocaine and eat two peas/day). But if you have jiggly fat on your body, I don’t care WHAT you say, you are not as healthy as you can be. And, you most likely look kinda gross…naked.
When I use ‘fat’ to describe anything on this blog, it means that you are unsightly. But guess what? YOU have the power to not to jiggle and look gross. You just have to get off your ass, eat healthy, drink water, think positively, and sleep a lot. It’s that simple. I’ll help you.
By healthy, I mean fit and toned. In shape… physically/mentally healthy. If you are skinny and jiggly, you are not healthy. In fact, you are worse than fat-jiggly people because how can you be skinny AND jiggly? That just makes no sense. So get off your ass and exercise.
WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ME:
I do not have any certifications or rewards in physical fitness. However, I am 5’9, weigh 135 and I’ve maintained this weight ever since I was 21. I rarely fluctuate. Fluctuating is bad for you. Look it up. That said, I think I know what works. At least for me.
Working out is my hobby. It’s my ONLY hobby(see bullet 5). Granted, I don’t spend oodles of time researching shit; however, within the 8 years I’ve been working out and eating healthily, I’ve accrued a bit of knowledge on different kinds of workouts/foods that’ll help you have an awesome body. I’m old. Listen to me.
Being that I’m old, I am experiencing the slowing of one’s digestive system. It sucks. A lot of the ‘fitness inspiration’ sites I’ve seen are made by fucking teenagers and early 20 year olds. Those bitches are naturally skinny. They should not be ‘thinspirations.’ At that age, you have no excuse!
On that note, most other fitness inspiration healthy food bullshit pages are fucking boring. At least I can make fitness funny…or if you don’t find it funny, interesting.
I have not been majorly sick in 203948808234 years…and I’m a teacher. I am SURROUNDED by disease-infested children ALL DAY LONG. Yet, I NEVER get sick. That’s a sign that I know how to be healthy because a rock-hard immune system is a sign of being healthy. Look it up.
I believe 90% of the population can be healthy if they wanted to be. I am VERY skeptical of those idiots that say they have something wrong with their pituitary gland. Give me a doctor’s note…otherwise, you’re just lazy.
I am surrounded by unhealthy fat people. I live in America. 63% of us are overweight or obese. That’s fucking disgusting. Having a very keen eye for unhealthy behaviors, I know exactly what makes a person unable to lose weight in a healthy manner. I want to point it out, but that annoys people. So I’ll just write it on here.
I may bitch about being healthy… but I do have a downfall. I am an alcoholicand have been one for five years. It took me five years to admit it and I still question whether I truly am. But for my own safety and the safety of others, I am trying to improve my alcoholism. I will NEVER be a teetotaler, but I do have to get it in control. The more people take interest in this site, the more likely I will be to update and abstain from alcohol. The birth of this Tumblr is the second day of my being sober…and by sober, I mean not drinking. I smoke weed. Smoking weed, to me, is a part of my mental health.
WHY (perhaps) YOU SHOULD NOT LISTEN TO ME:
I do not like to eat. If I had to omit a necessity in life, food would be it. I think it’s a waste of time and money…but I have to survive so I do it. Most fat people are fat because their feelings are tied to food. I don’t get it, but apparently it is a huge reason for people being fat. But hey, we all have our addictions. If you are one of those emotional eaters, you probably cannot relate to me like I cannot relate to you. I have no empathy for emotional eaters. Would you rather stuff your face and be fat AND sad? Or would you rather NOT stuff your face, be healthy, and feel better about yourself cuz you’re not jiggling everywhere? That said, it’s easier for me to be healthy because I don’t like to eat. I’m biased. If I offer recipes or food ideas, they probably won’t be the richest kinds of foods, garnished and delicately placed on an extravagant plate so that you can also enjoy looking at what you’re eating. Fuck that. If, however, you want to eat food that doesn’t clog your arteries and aren’t processed with questionable chemicals, then I can help you.
I’m Asian so I’m genetically more unlikely to gain weight than white/black/brown people. Sorry, we got the longer end of the stick in that area. If it makes you feel better though, I’m lacking an ass being Asian. So again, I cannot relate to you people who are ‘genetically predisposed’ to being fat. But as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t believe most people who say that.
Apparently, I tend to piss people off because of the generalizations I make. Whatevs. If you don’t like it, buck off mate.
There’s only (really) two reasons why you shouldn’t listen to me. The pros outweigh the cons. You do the math and read me… if not for practical ways to be healthy, at least for entertainment.
<3 you. Bye.
I decided it to be anonymous for now because people are annoyingly hostile towards fat-tists.
Let's see if I follow through with this. I felt surprisingly impassioned whilst writing the (very long) blurb.
Even though I don't really make New Years Resolutions anymore, I am going to make some efforts in improving some faulty areas within my life. First, is my hygiene. Ideally, I'd like to wash my hair every other week. That doesn't work out so well most of the time. I usually end up going three weeks without washing it. Last year, I vowed to clean my ears more often, a resolution which I've proudly kept. I think better hygiene will be a reasonable goal.
Second, I will try to lessen my drinking. I know, beating a dead horse. Helen told me that she remedied some of her drinking problems by not drinking for a solid week. She said after she achieved this, she knew she could control her drinking. I have not not drank for a solid week for the past five years. I haven't even gone without a drink for two days. Therefore, not drinking for a week is a huge feat for me. I was going to start the week-long hiatus tomorrow night and imbibe (hehe) tonight, but I've felt nauseous all day so I guess it starts today. This is also realizing that in the midst of me being a broke a$$ and Michael calling to my attention that I spend most of my money on booze and going out, I calculated just how much I spend on alcohol and realized that it comes out to about $400/month. Fuck. What a waste of money!!!! If I bitch about spending more than $10 on a meal, then it should be even more illogical that I spend so much on something I piss out. But then again, alcohol makes life way more fun whereas food makes my life more burdensome.
I guess it's back to smoking copious amounts of green.
On that note, I'm going to take a shower. It's so damn cold. I think I might start a tumblr for my 'working out' progress. Maybe my dreaded little tire on my belly will disappear if I decrease my alcohol intake.
