January 12, 2012

Always Spit

I wasn't gonna update because unlike last week where I felt all productive, this week I felt dead inside. Yesterday I realized it was cuz I was so fucking bored...and I was bored cuz I wasn't drinking. Sorry, but I think drinking wine at night by myself is really fun and not drinking regularly has sucked the fun outta my life. So I bought a bottle of wine (that I plan on uncorking after I write this paragraph) and then a random person from Germany commented which inspired me to write today, so here I am. Hello random German person! *waves furiously*

*Pours wine* 

So, with the inspiration flooding in, I decided to write about something that is constantly plaguing my mind,and by plaguing my mind, I mean seriously grossing me out. I am talking about male bodily fluids, specifically, ejaculate. Ugh.   
I love this ad. It's Puma. I think the clothes are cute. The splooj on the leg is effing disgusting.  And why did the girl spit it out on her leg? Or did it drip out of her mouth sideways onto her leg? Gross.
First, I must mention that ANY male bodily fluids gross me out...and it's a burden cuz I enjoy boinking men but that exposes me to most of kinds of fluids...sweat, splooj, spit. The only thing absent is pee-pee and let me tell you, watching boys of any age pee in the toilet gives me great anxiety. The force at which it comes out, the way it bubbles up, the always-dark-yellow-color, and the potential of it splashing everywhere makes my palms sweat. I even have nightmares where I'm watching little boys pee and their pee sprays everywhere, hitting me. *shudders*

Second, in one of my previous, more widely-read blogs, I wrote a looooong (and awesome) rant against men...blowing loads in women's mouths. It was quite popular and caused some controversy. Some dumb Vietnamese or Chinese girl from UGA even posted it on an RSX forum that she frequented and alllllll these dudes went off on ME. Then the hoe posted a picture of me on there (as though my looks mattered) where all hell broke loose with the dudes bashing me saying I was ugly and dumb...but geez...Allz I was saying was that if men are so adamant about cumming in our mouths and having us swallow their disgusting spermies, then they should subject themselves to tasting their own juices to see what the fuck we have to endure. And then let's see if they think it's "easy." Fuck those type of men. Yes, I still feel heavily against the expectation that women should either spit or swallow. In fact, that was one of the greatest entries I ever wrote and I've tried to unearth my the_c_u_n_t xanga so I can find that exact entry and print it out and cuddle with it.

Anyways, the hatred for sperm-in-mouth was reinvigorated after I watched the movie Friends With Benefits with my Jew over winter break. Observe this scene:

Stop at mark 2:53

If you decided to watch the scene, you'll see that Justin Timberlake sneezed right as he came and it is implied that Mila Kunis swallowed his grossness...to which my Jew replied, "she's a dirty girl." From that point, I was committed to hating the movie because a) I was grossed out b) He said it as though he was impressed and he wished I would do that c) I got jealous cuz of that, and d) the movie sucked. 

At this point, you can guess that I am DEFINITELY not a swallow-er. In fact, I fucking hate the fact that men just EXPECT us to let them ejaculate in our mouths and get all offended if we don't. It's like they don't think it's fucking disgusting and we should slurp it up like it's fro-yo or something. Let me tell you, IT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING. Any hoe that says "oh... I like it...it's sweet" is a lying cunt-fuck. Yes, two horribly vulgar cuss words combined into one. That's how strongly I feel about it.

I mean, I didn't even let that junk near my mouth up until about boyfriend #3. His argument was that blowjobs aren't worth even receiving if you can't finish with a bang. I thought it would be a complete waste of a bj because if I am going to go through all the trouble of "teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses," then I might as well let him finish with a bang and deliver a bj that he will remember for the rest of his life. Plus, the guys I usually go all out for are the ones that fully reciprocate and I don't imagine that licking vagina is a walk in the park either. 

So, that is the line that I have drawn. I always joke on here that I have good bj skills...and I really think I do. But mark my words. I will NEVER swallow and you should NEVER expect me to either. You get what you get and you don't pitch a fit, is what I tell you toddlers. You are lucky enough I let you deposit your specimen into my mouth. I know it would turn you on if I acted like I enjoyed it. I know a lot of girls do... but they are ACTING. While they may look like this: 

they are actually thinking this: 

Or at least quality girls do. I can't imagine any respectable girl who would rave about how much she enjoys gargling splooj. 

OMG... this entry did NOT go like I wanted to...it's all over the place. The point is, you will NEVER find me swallowing. I don't fake it. But, I won't lie. I have swallowed before. TWICE...once by accident. In fact, the once by accident is what I originally wanted to write about (which might also be the reason why I hate it so much) but my bedtime is near so that will have to wait. I have a field trip tomorrow and I'm too tired to make it how I wanted it to be. I'm probably going to erase it.

And the German person asked whether I am still working out (yes: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/queenoffatkiller) and whether I was still drinking. I am tonight, but I am still working on my alcoholism (which is going swimmingly....three points for Iroar). 

Good night. Baltimore Aquarium tomorrow.   


  1. damn Ira, this is one of your more quality posts. First, you jump off the wagon and start slogging down wine like a bad bitch would, and second you rant about cumming in girls mouths. Honestly, I couldn't agree with you more. Shit is nasty as fuck. I'm totally turned off by bitches who swallow cum. Ugh. it's like, bitch you just swallowed my cum, go brush your teeth twice and use some mouthwash before you speak to me. The worst is the cum swapping hoes. Immediate Boner Killer. I don't wanna see you spit sperm into another persons mouth, ugh, but I'd watch you squirt :) Luckily I never get off from b.j's so it's not really a worry ( only once, from a black chick) but that's a diferent story. I'd much rather be in a nice warm vagOven when it's time to blow old faithful. the sensations are ridiculous. I wanna convulse, not watch my load get slurped up like vanilla pudding. anyways, i'm loving all these updates. Sobriety is boredom, i agree, especially at night. cheers!

  2. Guten Morgen!
    I´m really flattered to get mentioned in one of your posts! :-)
    Because of you, I´ve registered at tumblr to be a follower of yours. haha
    Sometimes, when I read your blog, I think I am reading my own thoughts. Especially when it is about parties and drinking... you should start to post what exactly you´re drinking...although that might not be the intention of your blogging....