July 26, 2011

Testical Tuesday!

I had a teacher in high school who referred to Tuesdays as Testical Tuesdays. She also used to call us "Scrotum Face." Her exams were called "Testes" and colored pencils were "clitoris pencils." She also claimed that she could perfectly imitate a barking dog, but the only way she could achieve this was to get down on all fours. So she would crouch behind her desk and yap like a dog ...pretty convincingly. That's the reason behind why I titled this "Testical Tuesday."  Mrs. Herbert...you da Bizzomb.

So, the other night, I spent a great deal of time writing on here, ranting about how annoying and dumb Vietnamese girls were, especially since I worked at a nail salon for 2 days and I was SURROUNDED by the most annoying kinds of Viet girls. (This does not include my friends Anna, Tina, Kim, Kristen, and Liz). However, after I had written 5 paragraphs, I thought that this world didn't need anymore unnecessary hatred. So, I will surmise my thoughts into the following:

  • The way in which Anjelah Johnson portrays workers at Vietnamese nail salons is EXACTLY on target!!! This reinforces my belief that stereotypes exist for a reason..because they're TRUE. 
  • It seems like 75% of Viet girls have fake tits. Fucking disgusting. What is the point of mounting huge boobs on a chest and body of a 7 year old child? Which leads me to....
  • White guys who date Viet girls are 100% going to be the dumb ones who only date them because they are Asian, ie: ASIAN FETISH.
  • If I were a white guy, and I heard the accent in which fobby Viet girls speak English, my dick would fall off.
The end. Sorry. I just had to get that off my chest. But I love Anna, Kim, Tina, Liz, and Binh! But I even went so far as to make a collage of stupid Viet girls...I will post that just so I didn't waste any time:

I am seeing results from my Nazi-style working outtings. Now, my workout consists of p90x AND Insanity. Call me a gangster. Or call me a person with no friends. I don't care!!! My body's getting Rippppppped!

Woot woot. I don't know how to take pictures of myself withOUT my iphone. I wish I were more vain to make my body look (artificially) better. But I no know how. Therefore, these will have to suffice. Good night. I'm tipsy.

July 19, 2011

30 Day Challenge: Days 7 & 8

Day 07-A picture of your most treasured item  
I tried to make it look all fancy schmancy by photographing my nameplate necklace on Instagram (which I don't understand). 

This necklace was about $200 and is 14K gold and made by my favorite people: Jews! Every time I would watch Sex and the City and dumb&annoying Carrie would wear this, I would just stare at it in adoration. I absolutely LOVE gold...and script. I don't understand peoples' obsession with diamonds. When I get engaged, my luckyass man won't ever have to get me a diamond engagement ring. Just give me those gold bangles that Indian women wear. Like a BUNCH. 

It's apparent that God's chosen people made this necklace because I've worn it on crazy, drunken nights during crazy sexcapades or just general thrashing around, and it NEVER broke, got bent, or lost. *knock on wood* I love this necklace so much.

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

Anything that happens to my sisters is infinitely funnier than anything that happens to regular boring people. This picture is particularly hilarious because a) nobody knows what was going on in Sawa's head when this picture was taken and b) everyone thinks Sawa is all classy, polished, demure, blah blah blah. In actuality, she's a goofyass gross person that totally doesn't behave 'prettily' behind closed Jeon doors. This picture captures this pretty well...not perfectly, but well. I laugh every time I look at this picture. 

Starting Week 3 of P90X

I'm beginning to see the difference. This not-having-friends and not-having-a-job is working out very well for my body. Goooooo Iroar!

July 12, 2011

30 Day Challenge: Days 5 & 6

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

Uh..... stupid and evidence that this survey was written by a teenager. First of all, I'm 28 years old. I have a katrillion memories stored up in this noggin of mine. Being that I'm a happy person, there are numerous memories that I would say are favorable. Therefore, I cannot answer this question with just one memory.

Although, my most satisfying memory was definitely beating up this girl and then engaging in an all-girl brawl thereby making myself known to the 'mean girls' bullies back then as a badass and not to fuck with the likes of me.

But like I said. I have probably a vaster collection of memories than the average bear because I write every little thing I did in a day in my planner. You might think it's interesting but it's painfully boring. For a sample, I just now took a picture of two days. Excuse my handwriting.

That planner is a Molskine. I'm still undecided whether this brand of notebooks/journals are worth their extravagant price.

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Sad...but true. It's a powerful thing to be a rich white man in this world...but it's even MORE powerful to be a rich, white, skinny, beautiful female in this world because you can seduce any dumb rich white man. This is whom I would want to trade a day with if I didn't have to exert any energy.

THIS is whom I would've traded a day with had she been in her prime.

Being a pop-star....being on stage, dancing and lip-syncing while legions of fans and gay men worship me for having minimal talent while making oodles of money... that is what I want to expurrience.

Also, maybe her:

Because she has her own private orphanage as her children and she's able to maintain it because she's rich and does all these charitable works though she has minimal talent but she's beautiful enough to exploit it to her advantage so that everyone thinks she is a good person. I like long sentences. Plus, she gets unlimited banging access to:

I dunno what it IS about Brad Pitt. I know I've said I've replaced him as my #1 with Adam Samberg...but when I think of the word "hot male," Adam Samberg's goofy face doesn't pop into my head... BRAD PITT does...without hesitation. I would do him even if he had AIDS.

So, I guess you can see a common theme here. I would love to be a rich, white, beautiful, over-rated girl. Just to see what it feels like. Then I'd wanna revert back to the cool non-white mess that is me...but keep the rich part. Because, no lie. If I had 20 million dollars, I would be 2340982348% happy. I'm happy now...but money would make me happier ie: stress-free.

Sorry for the rambling. And for not editing this. I'm fucking tired and need to pee and kinda tipsy.

Good night.

July 11, 2011

Just Write

So to help me with my drinking issues (ie: dependence), I've decided to indulge in the few hobbies that I have especially with my relapse of atrocious drunken behavior experienced on Thursday night...which included events such as:
  • Punching my newly-upgraded-loverboy-into-temporary-boyfriend numerous times in the facial area.
  • Introducing temporary-boyfriend as my 'lover' to my dad and telling him bf and I were 'non-platonic.'
  • Yelling at Wasabi House employees and their tweenaged boys. 
  • Yelling at every passerbyer. 
  • Yelling and hurling insults at the Dunwoody Tavern bartender.
  • Running into several people from high school and rambled on about god-knows-what. 
  • Getting into bf's car and kicking him the entire duration of our drive home.
  • Threw my shoe out the window.
  • Got out in the middle of the street, fleeing and crying then laughing and laying down. *shudders*
  • Ripped off bf's rearview mirror.
  • Had my ex-boytoy#2 call bf (while I was passed out) and tell him to meet him at the park and bring "nothing but his fists" in exchange for $30.
Among other things.

The following morning, my dad texted me and said that he was ashamed of me and that if I was going to 'live that lifestyle,' not to do it at his restaurant.

So comes my 209348029384th attempt at controlling my drinking. *sigh*

Since writing is my #1 healthy hobby I have, I will aim to write on here way more often, ideally on a daily basis, especially since one of my courses this semester focuses on the subject of writing. I kinda sorta wanna be a writer.

I will also get more into my health training and get toned. One of my goals is to run a marathon. I fucking hate running though.

Because of the more frequent updating, the juicy tmi-bits of my life will decrease. But since I'm steadily working on my body, the number of scantily-dressed photos of Iroar will increase.

It's a fair trade-off, in my opinion.

Good, sober night. =(

Okay okay. I couldn't resist leaving without something sexual to share. So I'll leave you with a photo of my favorite Asian pornstar. The main reasons why I like her are that she has a super nice body with perfect ta-tas...she's a nice color. And she looks like she GENUINELY enjoys sex and seems like she's really good at it. The downsides are that...well, she looks like Tiger woods and she talks too much during the banging. Like stupid, corny sex talk. Just shush Lily Thai!

Now that should be a better night.