poop

Don't get too excited. I'm just posting this so I can post it in my tumblr.

Fuck Blogspot

I'm done with this blogspot shit. It's a shitty, shitty blog network...server...system...whatever that shit is called. So I'm moooooving to Tumblr.

queenoftmi.tumblr.com

There, you will find me.

I'm here!! I'm here.... I just have no motivation to write. Someone give me some!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Cutest Thing

This positively made my day. It warmed up my heart....seriously.

This is a moving gif showing an Olympic volunteer getting a fist bump from Usain Bolt. How cute is it?

I fucking love moving gifs.


Going to MJQ tonight!!! That's the only club I like. Been going there since I was 15....and I still don't know where it is. Sigh.

Why I Workout

There are various reasons why people workout. For most, the main reason is their health. Yes, that is obviously a reason for me too...but sadly enough, I can't say it's the PRIMARY reason. I don't want to live past like 80 unless I'm constantly doped up on some kind of feel-good drug and aren't permanently grumpy. No...the main reason I work out is pretty much SUPERFICIAL. The other day my sister walked in on me diddling myself. JK! She walked in on me doing this move: 

Mind you, the move I was doing was a bit more difficult as I just had one foot on the ball and the other leg was doing a side crunch. Extremely hard... As I was huffing and puffing away with sweat dripping down my fo'head to the flo', my sister says: 

"Being skinny is NOT worth all that!" 

As pretty as my sister is: 

she does NOT understand the aesthetic benefits of having a nice body. I do. Ever since I was little, I was skinny and non-flabby. When I was between the ages of 4 and 11, I basically had the same body as I do now just without boobs and a hint of ass. As a teenager, I still remained skinny and my boobs were far more awesome than they are now...because, let's face it, teenaged girls have awesome boobs. 

Teenage-hood is the only time big tits truly look good. The minute you turn 20, big tits (D+) start their descent into looking like droopy sandbags. 

*Sidenote #1: By nice body, I'm talking about what Americans consider to be a 'nice' body..that means tall, long/lean/skinny/tight, nice boobs, perky ass, etc. I know different cultures/races have other beauty ideals, but let's face it, the reigning beauty ideal comes from upper-middle class white Amurrica ie: Hollywood. 

Sidenote #2: I know everybody has their strengths and weaknesses in looks. I accepted a long time ago that I'm a butterface and I've grown not to care because a) I'm not like HIDEOUSLY, can't-fix-it ugly (very few people are, in my opinion) b) almost ANY girl, with the right make-up, hair and style can look average to attractive. Look at all the mediocre bitches in Hollywood who look super pretty now: Miley (sowee), Gwyneth, Katie Holmes, Britney Spears, Nicole K, etc etc) So, as conceited as I come off in this entry, I know that each person has their goods and bads... I just have less bads than the average person... LOL! JK! 

In my experience/opinion, it is a powerful thing to have typically hot body. That being, here are the (SUPERFICIAL) reasons why I workout. 

• Confidence-Regardless of what other defects you might have, if you know you work hard every day and your body is nice, your confidence will be higher than the average girl. Confidence is difficult to build, especially for girls. Especially in a society that loves to grind females to a worthless, no self-esteem pulp and sadly, girls fall left and right with the burden of the beauty ideal upon them. It's probably extremely contradictory to rant about that given the nature of this entry...but that's the point. Given that there is such a high standard of beauty, girls are judged harshly on their looks. Why would you not spruce yourself up? You HAVE to to a certain extent to be taken seriously. If you don't and want to be fat and ugly, then godspeed. Just don't be a depressed, fat and ugly, wallowing person. Own it if you are going to go against the beauty ideal and say fuck it. I have genetics on my side so it's easier for me and I like living the healthy lifestyle so I do. Whoa... I went of on a tangent. Anyways, whatever one's body-type preference is, everyone knows what a healthy and nice body looks like--and people notice. People stare at me for a number of reasons...but weird hair and amazonian-ness aside, I think people are staring at me cuz of my body (and, possibly, slutty clothing that accents it). That's why I like wearing midriff-baring and leggy articles. Bitches can wear their booby-revealing shirts all day long...but when you wear a shirt that shows a non-flabby belly, men, women and even children will notice. But on a serious note, whether people envy or appreciate you, having a good body relays the message to everyone that you care about your body and your overall self. That translates as you being confident and everyone knows that confidence is a key part to a person's attractiveness. 
• Everything Looks Good on You-...except those puffy-sleeved shirts and high-wasted shorts that almost ALL people look ridiculous in. There's a reason why models are so skinny...because when you're skinny, EVERYTHING looks good on you. It's a real time-saver to go to the store and never have to try anything on because if it's a small or a medium, it's going to fit and look awesome. Too tight? Too short? There's no such a thing when you workout. And you get more leniency when you wear slutty things because while it's slutty, nobody can deny that it looks good. 

• Your Own Thinspiration- My tumblr account only follows fitness blogs (FitBlurs). There I find different modes of Thinspiration...mostly in the form of pictures of 19 year olds whom getting fit is SO much easier for...(assholes) but who look AWESOME. If you ever look through my photos on my phone, you'll find that 70% of my  photos of are myself and my workout progress.   

It might be because I'm vain...but tracking my progress makes me more inspired to workout because I want to maintain and improve what I've done so far. Also, when I workout, I love having a mirror in front for the same reason...plus I just look so much more toned while I'm actually working out. I think that is what I would ALWAYS look like if I stopped drinking so much. If that's the truth, I could realistically picture myself not drinking....as much. But yeah.. it's nice to be your own thispiration. That's how you know you are succeeding. *high five* 

• Guys- Guys' appreciation is not necessarily a reason on why I workout...I have to emphasize that cuz girls who rely on guys to boost their self-esteem are retarded. It's not for me in this case. It's more a result of my working out and it positively reinforces my desire to workout...Actually, I get more positively reinforced if a woman compliments me on my progress than a guy cuz girls truly understand the struggle of being fit and thin. Anyways, I mentioned  that all guys have different preferences for body types. Men of a darker color like those curvy bootylicious girls a la: 

 

Frankly, I think big donkey butts are disgusting.  Imagine how nasty that shit looks naked. Cellulite central. *shudders* 

However, most men, again..regardless of body preference, recognize a hot body when they see one. All the men I've been with (and I know my body type is not what ALL of them preferred, initially) grew to appreciate my body--like a lot. Seeing that the average size of American women is now at a whopping size 14, most guys have not been with a fit-bodied woman since like...high school...when we were ALL skinny. I think they forgot what it's like to have a girl who doesn't jiggle everywhere and isn't cottage cheesy. My white friend Erin says that guys don't give a flying fuck that your stomach and thighs are jiggly as long as you are willing to fuck them. Perfectly true; guys are very easy to please. But again, you won't truly appreciate being with a hot body unless you are actually with one. I used to think I didn't care much about males' body type...as long as they were funny, intelligent, interesting...they could get in my vagina. But then I actually hooked up with a hot bodied man whose abs are so defined, all I want to do is lick them (and I do).. and also nibble along his v-shaped muscles that lead to his schlong...*closes eyes dreamily*....but yeah. The overwhelmingly positive response I get from men is a contributor to why I workout. (again...not a REASON but a positive reinforcement..is that the same thing? Hm....) 

•  ....And with other girls who constantly complain about their weight, their inability to control their eating, their hatred for working out, and all the bitching that they do yet continue to stuff their face and sit on their ass and complain without doing anything about it..... I get to do this: 

And it feeeeeeels good. 

I realize I sound extremely conceited in this entry. But the most important thing I am trying to say in writing this is that ANYONE can have a hot body. ANYONE!!! Fuck genetics, predisposition for obesity, blah blah blah. If you just work hard and eat clean, you can look, feel and BE HEALTHY. It's not that hard. I know I'm not perfectly in shape but I know I can be and I will always try to respect my body by treating it well. I think everyone should. It's the most fun.

Check!!!

Older, rich sugar daddy..... Check!!!!!

Is it bad that I love Miley Cyrus? I love her style....that makes my style maturity level at age 19. I really need to learn how to dress my age. How do I dress slutty (appropriately) at age 29????

Go Hard

"Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. if you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding." - Betty White

Hilarious!!!!! 

Kreayshawn has a new video and I love the song. Super catchy!!!

I can't get these songs outta my head. 

I got my roommate's 4 year old son singing this song non-stop...which is unfortunate since I'm pretty sure it's about sucking dick. Oops. He's also saying "shooooooooot." Crap. 

I love this song and I'm beginning to like Demi Lovato which is shocking because I normally dislike Latina girls and this was the girl who was having butt sex on bunkbeds at parties while people were filming her because she was drug-crazed outta her mind....at least do that shit in private girl! But everyone knows Disney stars are the most fucked up...but she seems to be getting her shit together and she actually sings pretty well.

Where the hell can I pirate music these days? I have a list of songs I want to download so I make a CD for my hooptie. I've been listening to the same CD for the past year. 

Gonna go twerk out.  

Sexual Things I NEVER Thought I'd Do.

Over the course of my sexually active life, there were certain acts I said I would NEVER do. This included: spitting/swallowing, anything associated with anal, faking an orgasm, facials, 3somes...basically anything that I thought was degrading towards females. But it's difficult to remain faithful to proclamations I made...especially because while I am a feminist-ish, I'm also sexually experimental and like when the guy takes the lead. All this combined means that I'm wishy-washy on what I will and won't do during a boinkfest and it makes me seem contradictory and fickle Sigh...so suffice it to say, I can now say I am a tri-sexual (Samantha Jones's words). I will try everything once (maybe more if I like it) EXCEPT beastiality and anything dealing with poop-play.

I just like this picture and it's kinda relevant to what I'm going to write about. Rihanna is one thing I'm fickle about. I like her at the moment.

So, here is a list of things that I have done that I have once said I would NEVER do.

• Letting a guy blow a load in my mouth- Refer back to this post to read why I was so adamant about not doing this for several years and what changed my mind:  http://queenoftmi.blogspot.com/2012/01/always-spit.html .....though I will never do cum-swapping or feign like I like sloshing it around in my mouth like those bitches do at the end of a porno. I don't fake shit. The crazy thing is that now, I actually feel BAD  if I don't let a guy finish in my mouth...sometimes I'll even offer it as an alternative to a cream pie. My how the tide has changed!!! Boyfriend #2 would be reeling in shock if he knew I changed my mind on this. Aw...sowee Matt. FYI: Matt takes a lot of credit for my BJ skills. So thank him if you have been lucky enough to get one from me.

• Getting a facial- If you read that post above, you will see that I am grossed out by any male bodily fluids so it's no surprise that I was so anti-facials. Also, for the longest time, I wrote this act off as being very demeaning towards women. I thought WHY on earth would a respectable guy want to do something so gross like ejaculating on a girl's face? It's slimy, it's a hazard for your eyes, and it's just SO GROSS. Obviously it meant that a guy doesn't respect you if he wants to facialize you. But then I thought, maybe they just like it and it turns them on. It's just their 'thing,' like pizza is my 'thing.' I am obsessed with pizza. Then I tried it..facials, not pizza...actually, the first time wasn't a 'try' as much as it was the guy not informing me he was going to facialize me and it just happened...sneaky bastard. I thought it wasn't that bad. Next thing you know, I'm asking a guy to do it. My actual feelings towards it can be summed up by what Carrie said about blowjobs, "it's not my favorite thing on the menu but I'll order it from time to time. And with the right guy, it could be nice..." Just like the quote says, I won't let any old random joe do it. The 'right guy' for a facial situation is one that is dominant and rough because it's part of a dominant/submissive thing, in my eyes. I mean, I wouldn't say "cum on my face" to one of my nice guys cuz they'll probably think it's weird.   

• Rough-housing- On the note of dominant/submissive, I now don't mind when a guy is very rough to the point of it being kinda abusive. Again, this goes against my feminist-ish ways but the fact that I like this makes sense, psychologically. It's like those guys in powerful positions that like to be humiliated. This includes things like: hard slapping (even to the face), calling me bitch (though it should paired with a nice adjective like 'sexy' bitch or 'hot' bitch), hair-pulling, biting, choking etc. As long as none of it is taken to the extreme, I'm okay with it and like it even. But again, with the right guy. It's difficult for me to imagine this kinda boinking with some of the 'nicer' guys I've been with. Oh! One thing I know though is that I will NEVER be okay with that facial abuse shit you see in porn. I can't stand watching that...these girls have snot and boogers shooting out of their nose. That's effing disgusting. A little pain and discomfort is good. A lot of discomfort is a HELL NO.

• Anal- Whenever a guy asks me whether I've done anal, I'm like "does a bear shit in the woods?" Hello! Of course I have...do I not seem like the type that would at least try it? Try it I have but only twice and it was a very bad first impression. The dude I did it with had absolutely no idea what he was doing and didn't take the precautionary measures leading up to it. Anal takes lots of preparation (H, hehe) both mental and physical. He did none of that shit (hehe). I am still a little iffy about it but am not ruling it out altogether. Anyways, I am more talking about inserting other things than a penis into that chute such as anal beads or a nicely lubed finger. I still have lotsa experimenting to do in this area because I have yet to figure out why so many people are so into it. I need to uncover the mystery to this magic!!!

That said, here is another list of things that I previously ruled out but am considering doing with the right person but have not yet had the opportunity to do so:

• FFM 3some- This is something very recent I put back on the table because I had a sudden realization that an FFM 3some can include a lesbian! Hello! That bypasses the rule I had made based on my belief that no guy deserves to have two girls. I'm a genius....not just a hat rack my friend *points to head*
• Role-playing- Thought it was totally cheesy...still kinda do. But I want to try it, specifically these roles: babysitter/dad, high school teacher/HS student, boss/underling, cop/arrested (sigh). Hehehe. 
• BDSM-Yes, including the tools.  



In particular, the tools shown in this picture: leather, chains, choker, handcuffs, and blindfold.

Okay...that's all I can think of. God I hope my parents or other squeamish/lame adults don't read this. I think it's good to be open-minded with sex. That's why I like to have a diverse taste in partners. Different people bring different ideas and get you into different things. 

I wish I were this open-minded with people in real-life. 

Since you guys are probably already thinking I'm a harlot and to contribute to the shock factor of this entry, here is a pic I took because I love hotels with mirrors in front of the beds. 

Sigh... I know it seems like I'm purposefully being shocking...but how else do you talk about this topic without it being a bit shocking? I'm kinda hesitant about posting it. Meh... it took me too long to write this so here it goes! *braces self for backlash*

Shitty Day #2

So I got up pretty damn early today, which is what happens when I drink vodka the night before. Like I was told, I call up the police department to see whether the paperwork has been processed so I can get my car out of their impound. Homeboy cop tells me "yeah..it's ready. Come on by. But it's going to cost $440 and we only take personal checks and money orders." A) Why is it $440?!!???!??!?!?!? and B) Why the FUCK IS IT $440?!??!??! C) I lost my personal checks in  my move so I have to get a money order. I hate getting money orders. Please notice: homeboy cop did NOT say to come at a certain time but just to come by.

I wait around for the kids and Kelly to get ready because she is the one that will give me the ride. We drop the kids off at the sitter and stop by the nail salon where Kelly works. She has a customer so I decide not to burden her further by stopping to get a money order and I take it upon myself to get one while she's servicing her customer. hehe..that sounds dirty. But I go to 7-11 to get my money order. They don't take cards so I have to fucking withdraw cash from their ATM. They don't have my bank in Maryland. The ATM only dispenses a max of $400 so I have to make two transactions. That's $10 in fees. At that point, I wanted to cry. I almost did... poor Pakinstani/Indian 7-11 guy who had to endure my heavy sighs and my 'fucks.' 

I go back to the nail salon to pick up Kelly and we go to the police department to pick up my car. Homegirl receptionist, right when she sees me, says: "If you're here to pick up your car, the officer's not here. He told you to come ASAP. He won't be back til 1. He told you you needed to be here ASAP." Uh... Cop did NOT tell me this. Why would I not come ASAP if he had told me that? I understand English and follow directions well. If he had told me to come ASAP, I would have. Shibal.

So that is the beginning of my day. 

Stay tuned for what other shitstorms they decide to serve me with today. 

Gotta surround myself with things that make me laugh and make me happy. 

On that note... my white friend Erin says that I'm good with men because I stroke their egos. I do...it's not like I go out of my way to do it. It's just the way I deal with them. I mean what I say. In spite of my shitty day, I decided to make someone else happy by sending that really hot guy that I wrote about (the one I said I would pay to have sex with because he's a Muslim and doesn't seem to have premarital sex) a nice lil' message on fbook. This is what I wrote:

Ira PeeOn

• Hello. I'm having a horrible day, actually week, but I thought I'd take a moment and tell you that you are one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen and you make me think there really is a god...a god who created you directly because only that would explain why you are so beautiful. Forget your art. I can just look at you all day.
  
  Okay.. don't get too big-headed now.
  
  Have a nice day.

Yup... that's ma game. Too bad it won't get me any closer to having him. Sigh. 

3rd Time's the Charm

OMG. You won't believe what has happened in the past six hours...or maybe you will if you know what kind of person I am and the "stupid" things I do because I decided long ago to make my own rules in life regardless of what outside rules state. Unfortunately my rules do not coincide with society's rules... Actually, they are the opposite and when this happens, it tends to fuck up one's life situations. OH...and I think my luck has run out. I just wrote what happened in an email and I don't feel like rewriting it so I'll just copy and paste:

At around noon, I went out to get some coffee and rather than get it from my local coffee shop, I wanted to try and find a Starbucks which would also give me an excuse to drive around and smoke because that's what I do.. I smoke and drive.. Well the two Starbucks that I tried were both located in a Safeway and the mall so I decided to go back to my regular coffee shop and then hit the mall to look at some gold earrings. While on the way, I decided to not rely on my GPS and rather drive around to find my way back since that's how people figure their way around unfamiliar places. So I'm driving and come across a pedestrian walkway and some middle-aged fat white guy is about to cross. I slowed down and looked at the rear-view mirror to see if cars were behind me. There weren't. Well, there's no way in hail I'm stopping for some dumb pedestrian because they walk slow as fuck... plus no cars were coming behind me, so they can wait until I pass. I am a car after all. Well, I didn't know that it's illegal to not stop for pedestrians who have even a foot in the walkway. I also did not know that Annapolis cops do this as a way to trap drivers and issue tickets to people. Entrapment is fucking bullshit. So within .75 miles, I see two police cars at a side road and one cop is motioning for me to pull over to the side. There are like four other cars who have gotten pulled over. So I ease to a stop while frantically looking around to see whether there were any weed or paraphernalia lying in plain sight and there aren't but I knew that I'd be fucked because my car permanently smells like greenery. The cop asks me for my license and registration and while looking at it, I hear him breathing in deeply. He then asked me whether I had any illegal items in my car like weapons, drugs, etc... I say "no" in a high-pitched voice, which, when I use this voice, means that I'm lying. So actually I mean "yes." He then tells me that there is a strong odor of marijuana coming from my car and asked me if I had any on me.. I have a mental battle on whether I should lie or just tell the truth. I'm a smart girl. I know he is going to search my car anyways and there's no point in lying about it and I'm fucked either way so I say sigh, put my had on my head in an FML fashion and say "yes." He tells me to get it out so I do. I have about 1/2 of a quarter on me (I know. It's stupid because nobody should ride around with it in their car but I haven't been pulled over in 12 years so I figure there's very little chance I will get pulled over now, which is why I smoke in my car. Still stupid, I know). I hand it to him and he says to turn my car off and put my hands on the car. So I do. He cuffs me and asks whether I have any other drug-related items and I point, with my foot, to the middle console and say my bowl is in there. Then a female cop come and frisks me and walks me to his car. While I'm walking to the car, I can't help but laugh at my retarded-ass predicament and also at my retardedness, and everyone else who's gotten pulled over is staring their eyeballs out at me. Poor me. I get taken to the Annapolis jail and am very nice to the cop asking him questions like what I will be charged for...and he, in turn, is very nice to me. While at the station, I go through all the motions...(fingerprinting, mugshot, FMLs)...all of which I am now quite familiar with. Because I was super polite to the cop, he pretends he doesn't see me making frantic texts to people who would wonder where the fuck I went if I don't contact them in a couple of hours..I call my roommate and tell her and she's like 'Ohmg" because she was the one who was there through my other two ordeals. I was mentally preparing myself to be in jail for awhile because  I was told if I got arrested again while on my 'agreement' from my DC charges, I was going to jail until my court date, which is October 4th.So while my papers are being processed I'm sitting in a little jail cell for about 1.5 hours. While I'm in there, I think of things I'm going to do while in jail. I probably wouldn't eat the food so I would skinnier (score!) I also thought about the different workouts I could do in my cell. The cop who arrested me shows up. He transports me to the Annapolis court house where a  commissioner will determine whether I am going to be bonded out or have to stay in jail. The cop and I make small talk and I'm wondering why the hell I'm so nice to the cop who is charging me but  know that he's just doing his job and I deserved to get arrested because I was breaking the law and got caught. The cop told me earlier that he used to smoke before he was a cop and knew the smell of weed very well. I was like, that's so unlucky, and he was like "yeah...you could have gotten one of those cops who've never smoked in their life..people are so sheltered." Then he and I had a good chuckle. Anyways, so the commissioner and his secretary are both white people my age and look at me very closely. The secretary asks me questions, including whether I had pending charges and I tell them I don't really know how to answer that and the commissioner pipes up "because of the charges in DC?" Obviously, he's going to check my background. But then a small miracle happens. The secretary asks me whether I will show up to my court date. I say yes...and she tells me I'm free to go. I heard a chorus of angels because I was certain that I would be in jail, if not until my court date, at least for the next 24 hours. The last time I was in jail for 4 days was possibly one of the worst times of my life. The cop and I smile at each other because he was telling me that the commissioner might just let me go. Before the cop leaves I say "thanks... I guess" and he says "you're welcome...I guess. Just use this as something to learn from..." He leaves and I start calling/texting everyone. A taxi shows up (I guess taxi cabs just routinely drive around areas like that) and takes me to my friend's nail salon since I thought I didn't have a house key. 

So that's what happened. I called my best friend Janice who talked to me for 20 minutes about what the fuck I was doing...it's a much needed lecture from someone whose opinion I actually value a lot. Right now, I'm still elated that I'm not in jail but am annoyed at this situation. I just want to drink some vodka...and I am in about 2.5 hours with a 'friend.' I honestly do not think I use alcohol, weed and sex to 'cope' with life's situations...but tonight, vodka is going to help me cope with this shit.

Write me a reassuring comment please. Or bitch me out. I need to hear both.

Oh. I had $40 in my wallet that is not there anymore. Do they take cash$$ when they catch you with weed or did the 'nice' cop steal it from me? Sigh.

**edit: Let me clarify that I still got charged with possession of marijuana and paraphernalia. I just did not have to spend extra time in jail like I thought I would...that is what I'm very thankful for because jail SUCKS.

Purple Crayons & Why I Love Them

If you ever want to waste hours of your life on something truly retarded and bad for the world, check out thedirty.com. Wait.. I don't even want to advertise it, it's so stupid. But the reason why I mention it is because the dude who manages the site (who tries to be funny but fails, miserably) calls black dudes 'purple crayons' because of their black penises. Not only is that ridiculously unfunny, it makes no sense. Everyone knows black guys (are rumored to) have big penises so why would he even refer to it as a crayon? Crayons are skinny. Anyways, the reason why I mention that horrendous website is because my sister Ewina asked me one day, when I was wearing big hoop earrings: "You know what that guy says on Dirty.com? That if you wear big hoop earrings, then it's automatic that you like black guys."


I love hoop earrings. My dream is to get score these solid gold earrings.

I have fake gold versions of these that are like $5 at your local Claire's. The solid gold ones are $500+. Hellooooooo sugar daddy!


But it's true. I love me some big hoop earrings and I loooooooooove me some black guys. This developed over my career of guy-boning and now I prefer them over any other race. In fact, if I had to choose a race for my future husband, it'd be a black guy. It's sad because liking black guys has such a stigma attached to it. I bet if I told any random Joe that I was into black guys (especially if this Joe were Korean), they'd inwardly make a face. I mean, there's a whole category of porn dedicated to "my wife fucking a big black stud" as though that is something hugely taboo that it has to become a fetish of some sort. I know why this stigma exist and it's sad that it does. But I, Iroar, will openly admit that I love Black guys. 

Here are the mostly sexual but also non-sexual reasons on why I prefer Black guys: 

• Their Dick Game- First, I am not talking about the proverbial 'game' that guys 'spit.' I hate that shit. When I experience guys 'spitting game,' my female-boner slackens. Unfortunately, a lotta men, especially Black guys, are into 'spitting game.' (On that note, I know most Black guys are not the best ones to have a relationship with. That's not me being racist... this knowledge comes from personal experience and the experience of my friends. But I'm not here to go into all that. I'm solely focusing on their bed skillz). Black guys really bring a different sort of...vibe to a boinkfest. Unlike other dudes who think girls enjoy jackrabbit sex or just boring, slow, unrhythmic humping, (many) Black dudes seem to treat thrusting as an art, which it should be. It's kind of like dancing. Have you ever seen the way a white dude dances compared to a black dude? Totally different...though Channing Tatum would give a black dude a run for his money. The first Black dude I was with was adamant in me 'watching' how he would swirl and gyrate his hips. Totally cheesy but it got the job done...very well. Let me provide a video link to give you an idea what many Black men are capable of doing.....   

                           

Pretty sure he's gay...but that type of movement is totally hot...

• Bodies-I know just like in every race of America, fat people are abound. But with a Black guy, there's  a better chance that he will be more naturally toned than the average fatass. Same with Black girls. I'm jealous that a lot of them have natural toneness that I would have to work years to attain. The level of toneness I have right now, it took me YEARS to get to the level whereas it would serve as a baseline body for a toned Black girl. I was never into muscly men....but I think I will add that qualification for my future husband/boyfriend because muscle translates to being fit and being fit means a long-lasting erection. I dislike being boned by a semi...something that typically comes with an unfit man. Plus, it looks good.

                               

• Freakiness- I love men who are...flavorful. Most of the other-raced guys I've been with have been... bland... you know, just p in the v, maybe a slap here and there and some dirty words thrown around...that's the height of their freakiness.  The men of color I've had, on the other hand, had some kind of freak in them. Not all...but 3/4 is a pretty high ratio.  
• Dominance- Hand in hand with freakiness is a man's tendency to be dominant. I mean, you're not freaky if you are too much of a pussy to tell me what you want or if I'm doing something wrong (or right). Every Black dude I've been with doesn't hesitate in telling me what he wants and how he wants it and what I should be doing. I love that.
• Socially Unacceptable- One thing I haven't really managed to grow out of is trying to make a statement to people by doing things that are socially unacceptable. For example, I have dreadlocks for a variety of reasons but one of them is that it is shocking, especially for an Asian girl to have them. Another example is this blog. I realize I write about things that are taboo and advertently shocking. I do it to prove that I don't care whether others judge me on what I think and write ie: how I live my life. It is the same with me dating a Black guy. Regardless of how far our society seemingly has come in regards to race, I still think that interracial dating, ESPECIALLY between any race with Black is deemed as taboo. Especially if it is a Black guy with another raced female. An Asian girl with a Black guy, I feel, is the most unseen and taboo...and I love walking around with a Black beau. People look at us like "wutda" and I want to be like "that's right bitches." *flaps hands*  

I know this entry comes off as borderline racist. Sorry, I see race. I'm not going to pretend that race and racial differences don't exist because they do. I bet if those super "intelligent" gawker-readers read this, I would be criticized to the bone. Luckily, no assholes like that read my blog. 

I really don't intend to be racist. I just love to have sex with (some) Black men and overall, every guy I've been scoping out has been Black. These are the main reasons why I prefer them the most now out of any race. 

One month later.

Oops. It's been one month since I've last updated. I know. I don't know why I am not updating. I have all the time in the world and all these things I want to write about... It's probably because I feel nobody reads this. My motivation for writing feeds off of attention and comments. It's sad. I don't know how blogs get so popular especially when they suck.

Anyways, for the past month, I've been playing...and as stupid as it sounds, playing means drinking, toking, boinking (shaddap Enoch), and hanging out with  my gfs. It's a much needed break because the past 13 months I was doing none of that...well, except the first one. I just got back from Atlanta. I stayed there for two weeks and just like I expected, I wanted to move back when I was so dead set on staying in this area. So for the next two weeks or so, I'll be making half-assed attempts to find a job here (DMV) but will most likely return to Atlanta and find temporary work before I set off on my adventures abroad.

Okay. I just wanted to write that quick update. I'm going to try and get my lost passport replaced now...then I'll come back and write more. Woot woot.

You go Miley. Oh I wish I were 19 again...though not engaged...and able to drink (legally).

Damn Zhang Ziyi....Work it.

Check out this story:

Chinese actress Zhang Ziyi refused to appear at the Cannes Film Festival to promote her upcoming movie Dangerous Liaisons and refused an invitation to present the Palme d’Or Award. Why? Because she’s been barred by the Chinese government from leaving the country due to an ongoing investigation into whether or not she had sex with government officials for cash.

Sources allege Zhang (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Hero, Rush Hour 2) was paid almost $950,000 to sleep with China’s former Minister of Commerce Bo Xilai and had sex at least 10 times between 2004 to 2007 or 2007 to 2011 depending on which site you read. Zhang raised her rate to $1.5M after the first time. It’s said that Xu Ming, Bo’s associate and founder and chairman of Dalian Shide Group, introduced the two and has admitted as much.

Reports allege that Zhang has also slept with other officials making around $110M over the course of 10 years. This includes $28M in cash from Xu Ming. Xu is said to have pimped her out to two other high-level officials as well.

For her part, Zhang and her people have denied the allegations saying they won’t let this stand. In an ominous sounding statement, Zhang’s team wrote:

“Friends have advised us to release a short statement and not take this seriously,” Zhang’s team continued, “The more you argue, the more you will stir up. It would be better to step aside until people lose interest and the lies disappear. The innocent will always be innocent. ”

“But this time we don’t want to be silent. If we leave these lies to spread, what is completely untrue will be at risk of becoming a half-truth,” the statement read, “This time, we are telling those rumor-makers that we will respond. We will prove our side of the story; we’ll seek legal justice; we’ll find you in the darkest corner and go after you.”

“We will seek justice for Zhang Ziyi by taking legal action against Apple Daily and against any other media publishing these false reports. ”

Sorry Zhang Ziyi.... I believe the tabloids.

Damn! $110million????

I don't care what you think about prostitution or selling sex for money. You would be FUCKING stupid to turn down $110million for sex. Granted, she probably had to sleep with a buncha old Asian guys for that...but allz you'd have to do is close your eyes, put some lube down there (cuz your vagina ain't gonna lubricate itself when you're banging Asian grandpas, who are like the fugliest of all races of grandpas), and let him have his five minutes of fun.

When I was fresh out of college, I wanted to be an escort. Ideally, I wanted to have about 5-8 customers that I had to see, like one or two a day, get the baseline $400/hour for each, which would make me at least $2k a week. I looked up everything there is to know about the industry, even submitting my information to certain agencies, but in the end..... I couldn't get myself to do it because I didn't want to go through the screening process and an escort who isn't in charge of her own business (ie: employed by an agency or has a 'pimp') is a victim to some degree. I'm only pro-prostitution if the girl is the boss of her business, which is rare.

So in the rare occasion that a girl is in charge, I think it's awesome. Work it Zhang Ziyi, though if you did do this, you should just fess up to it.

Same with this person from a blind on CrazyDaysandNights.net

So, today I wanted to tell you about this actress. She is still an actress although she has not been in much lately. I would say she is still in the B+/A- list as far as name recognition goes, but as for actual acting and her status on the working list, she is probably a C+. Always more famous for things other than her acting, she is a big name. For years she has been the object of desire for many men. Men, who have seen her and are willing to pay a price to spend time with her. After her most recent series failed and the grind to find more acting work began to take its toll, our actress found a way to earn money and have a good time and make all those men happy. If you live outside the US and have a big enough checkbook you can hire our actress. She has a one week minimum and prefers a month. Last year she made more money by being the companion of men around the world than she ever did acting. She gets to go to parties and events and has seen the world. She tries to not get too drunk and every man who has spent time with her has had her back for another visit. She is not shy about it and will tell you flat out it is what she enjoys doing. No more auditions or wondering if she is going to get another role. No more being grab handled by guys at mall signings and endless photographs where she pretends to be happy. She has found her plan for the next few years and as she says, it's a living. Oh, and for sure this one will be revealed.

Readers are convinced this is Pamela Anderson. Whoever it is, she's workin' it as well.

You might think it's messed up how much I think prostitution is an awesome idea (again, if the woman is her own boss and the 'relationship' is mutually benefitting/respectful). That kind of 'relationship' is what I was trying to find with that sugar daddy website, and overall, that endeavor has been a failure. My search has not ended though! I hope to find a legit sugar daddy in a more natural way (like not through a website).

Aw man... the whole purpose of me writing this was to explain my reasoning behind liking the idea of 'prostitution' (such a strong stigma attached to that word...what I mean is basically sex for money) but I've been sitting on this deck for far too long and I want to workout. I'm so effing lazy these days.

But Samantha from Sex and the City explains it very succinctly:

Money is power, sex is power, therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.

Man...it's probably a bad thing that I quote Samantha so much...but yes, society is fucked up, especially with gender relations...you just have to make it so that it works and makes sense to you. 

It's Over!

Hello. It's been forever I feel. I now have ample amounts of free time and I thought I'd be more inclined to write on here. But with grad school being 99% finished, I find myself doing other things. Here are some updates and some blurbs about my super exciting life (and by exciting, I mean boring...but wonderfully lazy, doing-what-I-wanna-do boring so actually it's not that boring)

• The verdict for my DC charges are finally in. Went to court last Wednesday and my lawyer, whom I developed a big crush on, told me that I got offered a 'deferred prosecution agreement,' which is the BEST one I could hope for! So, allz I have to do is 32 hours of community service, stay away from the place that kicked me out (I don't even remember where the bar is, so that's not a problem), and don't get arrested again. Then, my charges will be dismissed. My lawyer, who I call moLester, told me that me snagging this deal was very rare considering I had an assault charge. I told him that I probably got off easy because I was a female and not black. He said that's probably true and more so because I was an "attractive woman" which was married-man-code-words for "I want to bang you." And I got super excited at the thought of banging a powerful lawyer and realized I will always have a fetish for older, powerful, well-dressed men just like I will always have a fetish for teenaged boys. I wonder what that says about my....psychology. 
• With my internship being over, I'm trying to knock out my 32 hours of community service ASAP. So far, I've done 12 hours. Today, I spent 2.5 hours sweeping the roadside and sidewalks of a street in DC. I'm sure it was a sight because you're usually accustomed to seeing, like, men of color or immigrant status doing that kind of work (I'm not trying to sound all hoighty-toighty...that's just how it is). One lady even asked me why I was sweeping the sidewalk and I told her why. Oddly enough though, I didn't feel that self-conscious. I just listened to kpop and swept away. My overseer gave me 8 hours for working only 2.5 hours....which I'm very grateful for. I hope it's like that for the rest of my service hours.
• Seeing that my charges will be dismissed very soon, it occurred to me that I don't have to be bound to this area (DMV) or even to the country. I know I said I was considering moving to California but that ship of desire has sailed away....though I am definitely going to visit as soon as I get my fucking financial aid. Anyways, I'm like 75% sure that I want to stay in this area and do some kind of teaching job for a year, maybe at a public school but most likely a private school because a) I'm not mentally ready to go teach abroad by myself (gawd, I'm such a pussy) and b) my other option is moving back to Atlanta and I would probably do exactly what I would be doing here, there, and to me, being in a new area is more exciting than living in an old one. Plus, DC is growing on me and there are so many fun places nearby. 
• Right now, I'm living temporarily with my Vietnamese married couple friend Anna. I'm squatting on a futon and my days are spent hanging out with an 11-year old. Oh... this area is Annapolis and I love it. It's like a spread-out Dunwoody, meaning upper-middle class white people who are super polite and live the idyllic suburban life. The weather is so nice too. Right now I'm sitting on the porch, feeling fat because I've been eating like shit and not exercising much. 
• My brother, who has been locked up for the past 5 years (I think) got out about two weeks ago!!!! It's bad because even with him out, I still don't want to mooooove back to ATL but dang!! It felt like this day would never come. He works at Wasabi House during the day and goes to his group home during the night. I wish I were there that first day he came out. What a celebration it would've been... and by celebration, the Jeon sisters would have drank themselves into oblivion and Noah would get mad at us and we would cry. Fun times. But the morning of his release, I thought back to what Noah said he wished would be different in five years. For me, he said he wished I would stop drinking by the time he got out. When I thought about this, I started crying alone in my car. But only about three tears or so.... because....
• Overall, my drinking has improved. *fist pump* I mean, I still drink about 5/7 days of the week....but only one of those days is the binge-drinking that I do that gets me into trouble, BUT, I am WAY more responsible when doing that and I have NOT had one of my outbursts. Like, that desire to get trashed and act a fool has disappeared. I didn't realize that desire existed til I acknowledged it at one of my therapy sessions. I really enjoyed my therapy sessions...too bad my graduating means I can't get them anymore. *sad face* 
• I really like Miley's body.  

                       

People are saying she's anorexic. Bitch, she ain't anorexic. She's fit. She does pilates (trained by the woman who created pilates) and she probably has a dietitian (did you know that's how it's spelled?!) so she is able to eat clean and has someone who cooks it for her. Fuck.. I'm 100% convinced that if I were rich, I would be 100% happy. And all I would do is exactly what Miley does...workout, hang out with her hot bf (though I wouldn't be committed to a bf...but she is 19 and has the time), smoke weed all day, and go out with her gfs at night or go on vacations. That, to me, is the life.

"Everybody dies, but not everybody lives."   

I love that quote. Okay.... gonna go twerk out. 

Updates

Hullo. I've been gone for two weeks because for one of those weeks, I was working on my 'thesis' that turned out to be 55 fucking pages. Goddamn am I one wordy biatch. But anyways, that was my last big assignment of the year and I am basically a poop away from graduation!!! My graduation date is June 29. I wonder who's going to come and see me off. Probably no one. *sad face*

Anyways, here are some important updates that are happening in the life of Iroar.

• My court date for my DC charges yielded nothing. It was an initial status hearing so I went before a judge (who was a badass female judge) who told me I had to come back to court on June 6th. Sigh. 
• I'm thinking of moving to California. My best friends Janice, Esther, and Chrissy all live there. Unfortunately, they live in the LA area. I hate LA. I hate the people there. Mainly because they make me feel inadequate and because they are the stereotypical, superficial stupid Americans. I don't understand how people get so rich. If I go, I'd live with Esther. I guess I'm waiting for what transpires from the court date. If the probation I most likely will get is complex and requires my presence in this area more than once a month, then I'll stay in this region. Sigh. I guess I have to figure out what I'm going to do as a job. 
• So I fulfilled one of my qualifications on my to-do list! Indian dude, CHECK! *crosses that out on the list* It feels so satisfying to cross a number off my list. 
• With that Indian, it was the first time I've ever seen an uncircumcised penis in full-fledged form. I kinda liked it. Like Samantha on Sex and the City said, "I love an uncircumcised dick. It's like a tootsie pop, hard on the outside with a delicious surprise on the inside." It really is like a turtleneck. And I can totally see why it can be considered dirty... like gunk can get trapped in the numerous folds. It's so unnatural to circumcise boys. If I ever decide to birth my own children, I'm not circumcising my boys. 

• I've figured out the perfect response to saying 'no' to anal sex. Well, two. First is the obvious. When a guy is fixated on having anal sex and keeps suggesting to you to do it, you say... "you know who really likes anal sex? Gay guys....." *trail off* That'll nip that behavior in the bud. OR, you can say this: "Oooh, sorry. Your dick is too big and it'll hurt too much." Guys love hearing their dick is big and saying it's too big for anal will have them feeling good but also give a logical reason for them to understand why you don't want to do it. Goddamn I'm a genius.  

Okay... I guess that's all the updates I had. My life is boring. Sigh. But at least I have actual free time now. So more blogging for me!!

Oh.. last thing.. two people that I think are pretty, that I really don't want to think are pretty but I do. 

That's Christopher Brown's girlfriend Karrueche Tran...half black and half vietnamese. I think she's so pretty and her style is cute. Too bad she's dating that douche-fuck-fuckhead. 

This is Valerie 'some-kind-of-Russian-last-name.' She's altered herself to resemble a Barbie Doll. But damn, she did it well. I think she's beautiful!!!!!! 

I have issues. 

Mortification

In Maryland, it is currently a balmy, sunny 80 degrees...blue skies, slight breeze, no humidity. Perfect day to go sunbathing on my very private rooftop.

And that's what I did.

After I got home from my canceled Smart Recovery meeting (damn them. I got up at 8:30 am this morning to attend that shiz), I changed into my Brazilian bikini so I could take full advantage of the perfect weather and get my first tan of the season. I took some pictures (I was going to brazenly post one on Facebook saying "working out and being hairless means it's bikini season all yearlong" to update Fbook friends on my body after a 9-month long working out stint, but I thought my mom would gee-juhl-heh and it being Mother's Day weekend, I didn't want to put her into shock). Here are the pics pre-mortification:

Pale as a mofo...and I look flat hence the "where r boobs" caption. Now I know why so many fitness broads get boob jobs. Not that I'm even close to body-builders status. Ick. I really really dislike fake boobs. Like, if they were a person, I would beat them up.

Anyways, so I go on the roof with two issues of Marie Claire that I finally get to read, a yoga mat, and my huge bottle of water. I realize that my elusive next door neighbors are, for once, taking advantage of THEIR rooftop today as well. So, I quietly tiptoe onto the blacktop part of the roof...super dirty but I have my yoga mat. I get comfortable...

What is that red blotch? Damn my sensitive skin.

Eventually, I determine that nobody will ever see me because I'm laying down between high walls. The only way someone would see me is if my neighbors decided to be perpetrating assholes and hop over the wall that separates our rooftops onto mine. And why would they? They seem to be having a grand old time arguing with each other in a language that sounds kind of like Spanish but isn't...So I get butt naked because I hate tan lines.

Between furiously texting a potential SD, reading my magazine, and taking sexy pics I could possibly send to people, I think to myself, "the worst thing that could happen is Ed (my landlord) coming over with prospective families to show them the house, WITHOUT calling me." I also think to myself that that probably won't happen.

Lo and behold, just as I'm reading about interracial couples in my Marie Claire, the door to the roof opens slowly and a three year old girl saunters out. Of course, she's unaware that a naked woman is on the roof cuz she's a dumb baby. I squeal and grab for...something that'll cover me. But just seconds later, a dad holding another baby comes onto the rooftop. I yell "nooooO, wait!!!" and fruitlessly cover my boobs. I say fruitless because my spindly arms cannot fully hide my boobs or my crotch. So homeboy saw EVERYTHING... perhaps even my poor va-jay. I even try to utilize my magazine as a shield. It feels like I was groping and scrambling around for a minute while the dad looks on utterly shocked clutching his baby. It's like he can't look away, not because he's ogling, but cuz the last thing HE probably expected to see on a rooftop is a naked Korean chick. He turns around to go back in while I finally bound up to hide behind the wall. Meanwhile, the three year old and the 2 year old, who the dad probably dropped in shock, continues to walk around the roof while I'm saying "no little babies...don't come over here." I also hear my dumbass landlord saying "Iroar.. are you up there?" I'm trying to put on my dress and reply at the same time. I think I say "noo... please don't come up here."

After I've struggled to put on my dumb dress with the complex straps, I realize that I no longer hear voices.  The dad probably informed my dumbass landlord that I was indeed up there and that I was butt-ass naked.... and they probably retreated back downstairs. I decided that I'm NOT going to find out where they went and that I am NOT returning into the house until I'm sure the intruders have left.

My heart rate finally returned to normal and I texted people I know that would appreciate the story...also updating my facebook status because I think that's something to share because, despite the horror, is kinda funny and would ONLY happen to me... Actually, it's something that would more likely happen to my sister Sara.... but damn.

And the worst thing is that the dad who walked in on me was some kind of Middle Eastern. I was probably the only other naked woman he's seen since he deflowered his wife. Sorry, that is me stereotyping a LOT, but I wouldn't doubt if that were really the case. He's definitely the only man who's seen me naked other than the men who've had the pleasure to bang me.

MORTIFICATION.

Anyways, I'm over it because I probably won't ever see that man again. HOPEFULLY. I'll just have to politely inform my landlord to FUCKING CALL BEFORE COMING OVER, YOU DICK. In a much nicer way of course. I'm very non-confrontational...and a pussy. =(

    Post-tan and post-mortification....and a rare backside picture. 

Happy Saturday.

The hilllllls are aliiiiiiive!

I went to court today. The officer who charged me with everything did not. The charges got dismissed. I applied to get the charges expunged. The end.

Okay.. the longer explanation is that yes... the officer did not show up. The state asked for a continuance. My public defender said that was unusual and was probably because the police report mentions that I kicked the officer in the balls and the state doesn't take kindly to that.  The judge denied that motion (thank god) so the charges were dismissed. The PD said that there is  a chance the officer might re-charge me but that it would be a hassle for him because he would have to give a good explanation why he didn't show up for court. Everyone seemed surprised that homeboy was a no-show. I guess it's particularly surprising because these were felony charges...not some paltry traffic ticket that cops usually don't show up for. So, if the officer does decide to re-charge me, then I'll have to go to court again. My PD assured me to "not lose sleep over it" and that it probably won't happen. Therefore, I applied to get my charges expunged from my record.

I. Cannot. Believe. It.

If this truly got dismissed, I'm the luckiest biatch in the world. Shoot. My life was ready for some good karma. But I'm not getting my hopes TOO high...just in case.

Now for the charges coming up from DC. That court date is next Tuesday.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While in court, the officers that DID show up, they were dericious...particularly this one (black) bloke who knew how to dress up the wazoo. I realized that I REALLY enjoy a man that can dress. And not just dress nicely. But knows what clothes look good on him. That's probably why I like black men... cuz MOST of them have some kind of style. Even the 'ghetto' style, I like...if they aren't wearing "I just took a dump" pants.  Anyways, the one cop that I swooned over today in court was wearing a nice suit. It was very fitted and he was wearing his badge on a necklace. He was a bit too skinny but he just looked so damn hot.

I LOVE men in nice suits. I can't wait til I find my sugar daddy. I'm going to make him wear suits and just have him stick his wiener out of the zipper so I can back into it. Whoa... funny visual.

Oh my... *starts beating off* They should have a porn category with 'men in suits.' I'd be on that... I'd be on that Kryptonite.

Sorry.... I'm a little happy right now!!! Almost graduating and no felonies!!!

oy!

Hi! I'm here, I'm here. I told you I was going to be super busy when I got reinstated at my internship. And I have been. It fucking sucks. Since my court dates are coming up (one is Monday, the other is next Tuesday), I've been squeezing in Smart Recovery meetings both online and in-person. The more I go to them, the more convinced I am that complete sobriety is not for me. The most interesting thing I've come across is called 'harm-reduction' therapy. It's basically what I've been doing the past month. Yes, I am still drinking. I never said I'd quit right? So STFU. However, I am not going out and drinking, which is what has been causing me trouble. I just stay home and drink like I usually do. That's my life as of right now. Come the 11th, I will be a bit more available. I can't fucking wait.

I'm going to try and look at the big moon tonight. I'm a little buzzed right now. I'll update more tomorrow. Sigh.  Though I have to post the witness' account of what happened to me in DC. Just cuz... well, I never knew what happened that night....apparently, this is what occurred:

And the priceless thing is my response to when the cop asked me my version of events...and I'm probably enabling myself...but upon reading this, I had to ask myself "what the fuck is WRONG with you???! But you are kinda awesome Iroar."

Deeper DooDoo

Siggggggh. So, I've been let back into my internship/student teaching as of Monday this past week. However, two of those days I had to take off again because.... I had to deal with a fucking bench warrant in DC. So remember this incident:

Incident #1

And remember how I thought they had just let me sleep if off because the officers let me go that same night without anyone bailing me out and without giving me any papers or telling me a court date? And how I called all the necessary people on Monday to see whether I had been officially charged with anything and the people I talked to told me I was nowhere in their system and there was no record of my arrest? Turns out that was WRONG.

When I went to go meet my public defender on Tuesday, and I told her about incident #1, she looked it up and told me about the warrant. I had to immediately go to the humongous police station/court house in DC and 'turn myself in.' That day, I stood in front of a judge while a lady whom I NEVER met quickly asked me why I didn't show up for court and I had to whisper to her in 10 seconds (while standing in front of 10 court room officials) how I had no idea I even had been officially charged. I was released on a 'pretrial' basis where I had to take a drug test (which I miraculously passed) and do all this other crazy shit. 

The ONLY upside to this is that I am having my faith restored in the justice system, at least in DC. First, because I'm fucking broke and living off of financial aid, I've been appointed a private lawyer, not a public defender who, when I got into contact with him, knew all about my case and gave me the necessary information on how to best represent myself to the courts. Second, I was court-ordered to undergo an alcohol treatment evaluation where instead of being sent to jail (if I do get sentenced), I was evaluated whether I could receive 'treatment' or get 'rehabilitated' for what caused my problem in the first place. The person who evaluated me told me had my other charges in MD shown up in my federal records (it hasn't yet because their systems need to be updated), I would have been court-ordered to enter into an inpatient rehab facility for 30-60 days...though all funded by the government. Even though I'm on the wrong end, I was very impressed with the way DC deals with alcoholic idiots such as myself. 

But other than that, I'm screwed. I feel like I'm getting raped. Double-penetration rape. Sorry for being insensitive to any rape victims out there...but GODDAMN. Can't I catch a fucking break?! I mean, I totally deserve what I got in MD, but having another assault charge in DC? That's like overkill. 

So, I've decided to go the private lawyer route in MD instead of getting a public defender. Anybody have $5,000 they want to give me? 

FML.    

I have to erase this soon because I don't want everybody to know that I'm freaking public enemy #1. I'm just updating you people...that if I disappear after May 15, it's cuz I'm in prison. =(  Great... just when my brother is about to be released. My poor parents.