July 18, 2012

3rd Time's the Charm

OMG. You won't believe what has happened in the past six hours...or maybe you will if you know what kind of person I am and the "stupid" things I do because I decided long ago to make my own rules in life regardless of what outside rules state. Unfortunately my rules do not coincide with society's rules... Actually, they are the opposite and when this happens, it tends to fuck up one's life situations. OH...and I think my luck has run out. I just wrote what happened in an email and I don't feel like rewriting it so I'll just copy and paste:

At around noon, I went out to get some coffee and rather than get it from my local coffee shop, I wanted to try and find a Starbucks which would also give me an excuse to drive around and smoke because that's what I do.. I smoke and drive.. Well the two Starbucks that I tried were both located in a Safeway and the mall so I decided to go back to my regular coffee shop and then hit the mall to look at some gold earrings. While on the way, I decided to not rely on my GPS and rather drive around to find my way back since that's how people figure their way around unfamiliar places. So I'm driving and come across a pedestrian walkway and some middle-aged fat white guy is about to cross. I slowed down and looked at the rear-view mirror to see if cars were behind me. There weren't. Well, there's no way in hail I'm stopping for some dumb pedestrian because they walk slow as fuck... plus no cars were coming behind me, so they can wait until I pass. I am a car after all. Well, I didn't know that it's illegal to not stop for pedestrians who have even a foot in the walkway. I also did not know that Annapolis cops do this as a way to trap drivers and issue tickets to people. Entrapment is fucking bullshit. So within .75 miles, I see two police cars at a side road and one cop is motioning for me to pull over to the side. There are like four other cars who have gotten pulled over. So I ease to a stop while frantically looking around to see whether there were any weed or paraphernalia lying in plain sight and there aren't but I knew that I'd be fucked because my car permanently smells like greenery. The cop asks me for my license and registration and while looking at it, I hear him breathing in deeply. He then asked me whether I had any illegal items in my car like weapons, drugs, etc... I say "no" in a high-pitched voice, which, when I use this voice, means that I'm lying. So actually I mean "yes." He then tells me that there is a strong odor of marijuana coming from my car and asked me if I had any on me.. I have a mental battle on whether I should lie or just tell the truth. I'm a smart girl. I know he is going to search my car anyways and there's no point in lying about it and I'm fucked either way so I say sigh, put my had on my head in an FML fashion and say "yes." He tells me to get it out so I do. I have about 1/2 of a quarter on me (I know. It's stupid because nobody should ride around with it in their car but I haven't been pulled over in 12 years so I figure there's very little chance I will get pulled over now, which is why I smoke in my car. Still stupid, I know). I hand it to him and he says to turn my car off and put my hands on the car. So I do. He cuffs me and asks whether I have any other drug-related items and I point, with my foot, to the middle console and say my bowl is in there. Then a female cop come and frisks me and walks me to his car. While I'm walking to the car, I can't help but laugh at my retarded-ass predicament and also at my retardedness, and everyone else who's gotten pulled over is staring their eyeballs out at me. Poor me. I get taken to the Annapolis jail and am very nice to the cop asking him questions like what I will be charged for...and he, in turn, is very nice to me. While at the station, I go through all the motions...(fingerprinting, mugshot, FMLs)...all of which I am now quite familiar with. Because I was super polite to the cop, he pretends he doesn't see me making frantic texts to people who would wonder where the fuck I went if I don't contact them in a couple of hours..I call my roommate and tell her and she's like 'Ohmg" because she was the one who was there through my other two ordeals. I was mentally preparing myself to be in jail for awhile because  I was told if I got arrested again while on my 'agreement' from my DC charges, I was going to jail until my court date, which is October 4th.So while my papers are being processed I'm sitting in a little jail cell for about 1.5 hours. While I'm in there, I think of things I'm going to do while in jail. I probably wouldn't eat the food so I would skinnier (score!) I also thought about the different workouts I could do in my cell. The cop who arrested me shows up. He transports me to the Annapolis court house where a  commissioner will determine whether I am going to be bonded out or have to stay in jail. The cop and I make small talk and I'm wondering why the hell I'm so nice to the cop who is charging me but  know that he's just doing his job and I deserved to get arrested because I was breaking the law and got caught. The cop told me earlier that he used to smoke before he was a cop and knew the smell of weed very well. I was like, that's so unlucky, and he was like "yeah...you could have gotten one of those cops who've never smoked in their life..people are so sheltered." Then he and I had a good chuckle. Anyways, so the commissioner and his secretary are both white people my age and look at me very closely. The secretary asks me questions, including whether I had pending charges and I tell them I don't really know how to answer that and the commissioner pipes up "because of the charges in DC?" Obviously, he's going to check my background. But then a small miracle happens. The secretary asks me whether I will show up to my court date. I say yes...and she tells me I'm free to go. I heard a chorus of angels because I was certain that I would be in jail, if not until my court date, at least for the next 24 hours. The last time I was in jail for 4 days was possibly one of the worst times of my life. The cop and I smile at each other because he was telling me that the commissioner might just let me go. Before the cop leaves I say "thanks... I guess" and he says "you're welcome...I guess. Just use this as something to learn from..." He leaves and I start calling/texting everyone. A taxi shows up (I guess taxi cabs just routinely drive around areas like that) and takes me to my friend's nail salon since I thought I didn't have a house key. 

So that's what happened. I called my best friend Janice who talked to me for 20 minutes about what the fuck I was doing...it's a much needed lecture from someone whose opinion I actually value a lot. Right now, I'm still elated that I'm not in jail but am annoyed at this situation. I just want to drink some vodka...and I am in about 2.5 hours with a 'friend.' I honestly do not think I use alcohol, weed and sex to 'cope' with life's situations...but tonight, vodka is going to help me cope with this shit.

Write me a reassuring comment please. Or bitch me out. I need to hear both.

Oh. I had $40 in my wallet that is not there anymore. Do they take cash$$ when they catch you with weed or did the 'nice' cop steal it from me? Sigh.

**edit: Let me clarify that I still got charged with possession of marijuana and paraphernalia. I just did not have to spend extra time in jail like I thought I would...that is what I'm very thankful for because jail SUCKS.


  1. Thank goodness you didn't go to jail...BC then you wouldnt be able to write in your blog and I would have no sense of entertainment. Im a selfish a hole, sorry. :)

    But seriously im glad you got off easy.

    1. Hahaha... I'm selfish too...obviously. =)

  2. you are such a unique crazy individual.
    so strong yet vulnerable like a untamed wild horse?
    honestly i don't know what anyone can say or do to you that would change the way you are.
    props for thinking positively even when you were on the brink of going to jail for the next couple of months.

    1. That's very nice. Thank you. Who iz you? =)

  3. Cream of CornwallJuly 19, 2012 at 2:12 PM

    Iroar, NO! Why do you keep getting in trouble with the law? WHY? You are definitely gonna suck the laws dick this time. You've had 3 encounters with them within 6 months. That's a lot! I'd be very surprised if you don't get punished harder this time. They're gonna try and make you learn a lesson. Besides, never drive around on main roads smoking pot. That's ridiculous! Drive through neighborhoods or side roads, or better yet don't drive around with pot in your car. Keep that shit at home. Jesus, you're basically asking for it. It's almost like you want to go to jail. Some deep rooted part of you thinks it's cool or tough or something. It's stupid! you're not stupid! c'mon Iroar,

    On a side note, goddamn, this makes me wanna make out with you so bad. haha. seriously I can't stop thinking about making you feel better with a good make out sesh. I'd lick your boobs and asshole and stuff. you know, typical make out sesh. I might not be the most attractively fit guy, but I'd freak that shit up and down!

    1. No... jail sucks. SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS. It's not cool and it's scawy.

      And that doesn't sound like a make-out sesh at all. More like a good, dirty romp. No thanks on the asshole licking. Ick. Hahaha.

  4. I used to love reading your blog, but then I just got tired of you consistently fucking yourself over. I mean, I still read, but it's just like SMH, you fucking idiot! Every time you update, it's some new legal trouble that could have been completely avoided.

    So I agree with the above, the only explanation is that this is what you know and what you are comfortable with. In some way you keep putting yourself back in these situations ON PURPOSE. So you big fat attention whore, here's your comment.
    I would say get used to jail because that seems to be where you really want to be.

    I used to be like you. I thought by having no regard for societal norms I was being tough and revolutionary. Well, going to such an opposite extreme of all these cookie cutter cracker idiots is just as bad. And just as stupid. You can be different and unique to yourself without being an asshole. Getting in trouble all the time does not make you hard. 'Be good or be good at it'. Don't be so sloppy, don't get caught.

    I hope there will be better updates in the future.

    1. Who are you?

      I agree with most of what you wrote and will heed some of your words, especially the 'don't be sloppy, don't get caught' bit. I love that...and it's necessary for me since I refuse to compromise parts of my lifestyle. However, (if you don't already) if you knew me in person, I think some of your views about me would be different and less...harsh? But thanks for commenting. I need words like this!