As a functioning alcoholic (I finally accepted that term after being in denial about it for a loooong time), events like Halloween make me anxious. First, it's a time when everyONE goes out. It's like New Years Eve....all those boring married people and lame couples who never go out, go out. It's an opportunity for girls who normally dress boring to wear something slutty and act crazy. No ma'am. Compound this with the fact that everything will be crowded and more expensive than usual AND it's supposed to snow on the East Cizzoast. Fuck. So,
Being that I am an alcoholic, I am unable to control my alcohol intake. No matter WHAT limits I set for myself and how many people I promise that I won't get sloppy drunk, I ALWAYS end up drinking more than 6 drinks and spending around $40-70, and then not knowing how I got home. WITH.OUT.FAIL. It blows.
Going out, in general, makes me nervous because I know what's going to happen (refer to previous paragraph) and then I don't know what's going to happen (ie: I might die). And the scary thing is, I can't control it.
As of yesterday, I was going to NOT go out, get drunk by myself, and babysit my friend's daughter (put that biatch to sleep at 9pm) and write on here. But I have decided to go. I think I would be the ONLY person NOT going out and that kinda makes me feel left out. Plus, all the boring people I know here are all going out. JK Marylanders.
Phong said that if I put myself in a strong mental state of setting limits, I won't get out of control. I've done this several times and failed. However, I've also gone out and only drank 3 drinks without setting limits. Because I want to not beat on Anna (which is what happened last weekend), I will set limits and to set them more in stone, I'm putting them on here.
I will drink (oh god... mental battle)... 5 drinks AT MOST. I know that doesn't sound like a limit..but 5 is where I'm good.
I will only spend $20.
I will NOT buy strangers drinks.
To combat my possibly belligerent behavior, I will smoke. But that puts me to sleep...so,
I will also NOT fall asleep at the bar.
I think that's good. Anna forced me to dress like a crayon like her and the girls. She even forced me to make my own costume last night throwing sewing needles and felt at me. But I don't think I'll wear it. I might wear my Addidas track suit with a sexy bra underneath (shoot... I don't do p90x for nuffin') instead cuz it's supposed to be 40 degrees tonight and maybe snowing. Fuck being cold. I'm not a dumb 21-year old anymore.
I'll report back tomorrow night.
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Well, I stuck to my $20 limit. That was pretty easy to do because I didn't bring anything else with me 'cept the cash.
I didn't stick to the 5 drink-limit. Or maybe I did. Either way, I got sloshed and sloppy and today I've got bruises on my knees from falling down everywhere. Plus I got kicked out of a bar because I cut in line for the bathroom (in front of my FRIEND, mind you) and the bouncer carried me out while I grabbed onto things to prevent him from doing so. Then I opened my eyes and I was home sans my ID. I've found it since then.
I know I said I was going to wear my track suit but I ended up wearing my Victoria's Secret corset I got at the thrift store (gross, I know..but I'm pretty sure it was only worn once...most likely for a sexcapade...ew) and just put on a skirt and said I was a sexcretary. Meh. It was an outfit I would've worn out anyways.
Oops. I was supposed to proceed on ranting about my intense dislike for men who suck in bed. And I realized I had to heavily edit what I wrote yesterday cuz I re-read it and...redundant! But it's too late for that because I have a goal to sleep by 12 am.
The reason for the BBK title is that my FlipMode GradSchool Male Friend finally came through with some greenery and it is called BBK with the K standing for Kush. I don't know why people name weed. If it's of a certain class, it's all the same. There's three levels. Dank, mids, and schwag. No thanks on the mids or schwag. But in the dank category everything smokes the same. I guess I do not have the skills to see the difference between weed types. Yes some might smell different and taste different...but it all comes to the same end. Blaaaaaaaaaaazed. Thank you.
I realized, I'm only 2.5 months into p90x. I thought I had done three whole months (skippin' some days/weeks). I did my 11th week of leg-day today. I definitely see a difference at this point...though not as remarkable as what I see in the infomercials.
WahooOoooooOoo~! I've noticed thorough my sitemeter that a lot of you come on here cuz my blog comes up when googling the following:
As people on my newsfeed on fbook are getting engaged and attending weddings, as others are popping out babies, and as my bestest friend got married the past weekend, I can't help but wonder to myself....how the FUCK are these people ready to make that big of a commitment when I'm not even CLOSE to doing so? Seriously.
I do NOT think these people are any more mature than I am. In fact, I think I am further along in the path of life than a lot of folks who are settling down and procreating. However, I just can't IMAGINE being tied down to one person much less having a baby at this point in my life.
I know every time I display my non-readiness for marriage, people probably think I'm just in denial or am concealing the fact that I really DO want to get married. It's not the case, trust me. I know perfectly well on how to have a life-long healthy relationship and of producing a child and raising it better than most any adult my age I know. But right now, even at age 28, I'm just not...ready.
The things I DO know are that I want to get married after 30. I want to have at least three children (I would LOVE 4) and my cut-off for birthing my own child is 38. If I do not have 3 children by then, I will adopt...and the adopted shall be black children. My ideal situation would be to marry and make babies with a (studly) gay man but since he's gay, I would have the life-long freedom of having lovers outside our "marriage." Think when Carrie was considering marrying Stanford. But that probably won't happen. The point is, I know EXACTLY what I want....it's just NOT NOW. *shudders*
So.... I will now make a list of the qualities my future husband MUST have.
He must be rich- I'm sorry but I fucking hate being poor. I've been poor my ENTIRE LIFE. I have seen what opportunities (from having $$) can afford you and the difference having money can make in having an easy life. I know money doesn't buy happiness---blah blah blah. But that statement is for stupid rich people who don't know what it's like to value the real things in life. The sole reason why I need a rich husband ($100,000+/year) is to provide my future children with an awesome life...filled with opportunities and choices that I didn't have growing up. Since I am 95% sure that half of my future children will be adopted and since I want to give as many children the chance to have a better life (via starting an orphanage)...and since I will never get rich as a teacher, the money needs to come from somewhere. Cuz it ain't coming from me. My future husband needs to provide for the family EVEN THOUGH I'll be making my own money... It's FOR OUR CHILDREN. If we end up divorcing, I won't be takin' yo shit cuz I'll always make mine. I'm sorry for the dramatic use of CAPS. I'm kinda drunk.
He must be smarter than me- ie: he must be the leader. Feminist, I may be. But I will never be content with a dude who doesn't take control of a situation and/or doesn't make me look up to him because of his life-knowledge. My favorite boyfriends have been the ones that taught me things I didn't know or led me to become a better, wiser person. Book-smarts don't mean shit to me. You have to be able to always know what to do and maneuver yourself in a dignified way in ANY given situation. 'Nuff said.
And that's all I ask for...two bullet points. Like I said, I know EXACTLY what I want.. it's just not now. Amen
This entry is solely a reaction to my best friend getting married. I fucking hate it. But congratulations Gina. Aishibal. *rolls eyes*
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Oh! Nearing my third month of p90x, I've captured a picture where I actually look buff. But I'm flexing in it, mind you....and I'll be updating with a slew of pics that I took shows progress and needed improvements.
I need to figure out a way to take more appealing pictures. And yes, the pose I'm doing is totally manly and lesbertarin-ish. I look more feminine I promise...especially naked.
No editing here. I'm tipsy and need to sleep. Good night asshats. <----the most PRETENTIOUS diss ever. What is an asshat anyways? LAME.
Whoa. It's been some minutes since I last updated. You can blame my strict 10:30 pm bedtime, all my homework-happy female professors, and Michael's 6-day visit.
Some developments: I have prohibited myself from going out in this city withOUT the company of Anna&Phong. Because when I go out by myself, horribly dangerous things happen. I relapsed on my #1 goal (which I will not state but you should know about if you have been an avid Iroar follower for the past six months) and suffice it to say, I might have committed a felony especially if my license plate was written down two weekend nights ago. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Anyways, I just wanted to update with the following videos and a little blurb on my thoughts about them.
Can't say much about this except it's fucking awesome and cute. People are complaining about the fact that she's singing about Nicki Minaj's panties dropping and all the entrepreneur niggas and the moguls... but shit. Get over it. This little girl is at MOST 6 years old. She doesn't know what the eff she's saying. She does a helluva good job rapping and singing. And that blonde child is fucking hilarious! This entire video is perfection for me. I've watched it multiple times already.
Next. I'm torn when I see videos such as these:
I appreciate dancing so much because I know grown-ass women who can't dance like these girls do. Dancing is a skill. Especially for little white girls in America. Do you know how much dedication that would take? Most little American kids aren't pushed....they just dabble in shit. They're not like Asian parents who basically force their children at knife-point to be the next Mozart. No...white suburban parents are content at having their children do some kicks in "karate" class and call it a day. To dance like these little girls do, that must take true commitment in this day and age in good ole upper-middle-class Amurrica. I'm sorry...am I generalizing too much? I don't care.
But I'm torn because while I think these little girls are teeeeeeeearing it up and that they dance really well and their outfits are oh so stripper-adorable, I can't help but cringe when I think about the child molesters in this world who are getting a rise (in their pants) at the dancing. It would be perfectly okay in a 'vacuum,' but damn.
On an unrelated note, I'm a firm believer in the idea that one NEEDS to know the experience of having sex in order to REALLY dance truly well sexily. There are dance moves that require prior knowledge. As exemplified in this video:
Although this is a one-man show. That girl sucks. But damn that black man knows how to move. This is the first video that turned me on where the participants are clothed. Woooooooo!
As far as those 7 year old girls are concerned though.... they are dancing to the best of their abilities because (hopefully) none of them has the prior knowledge of sexual activity yet (God I hope not.) Remember when Britney proclaimed she was a virgin, yet she was dancing like this:
Bitch was lyyyyyyyying! There's no way in HAILS a person who has never experienced grinding up on a cockadoodle can move like that.
I love dancing so much. If I resent ONE thing...it's the fact that my family was so poor growing up that the only extracurricular activities my parents were willing to pay for was piano and tae-kwon-do...so Asian. When I bear children, I'm DEFINITELY going to put my daughter in dance lessons. It's a great way to remain skinny....and it's just an asset to have.
However, it's such a sad thing that you have to be trepidatious about the fact that some pervert is going to get turned on with your daughter dancing. I understand that some people MIGHT think it's inappropriate for young girls to be dancing so suggestively. But I GUARANTEE that 99% of those little girls have NO idea that what they're doing is turning on some disgusting pervert. They are just having fun dancing. It's a sad world we live in when little girls (& boys...but for other reasons) can't do what they want because of things that are out of their control.
Stupid child molesters.
Anyways, since it's the night of youtube vids, I leave you with Miss A's latest video....that I love...but it's unnecessarily long.
GooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOooooo Miss A!!!
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**edit: Oh schnap. I was wrong. That little Super Bass girl just turned 8. Whoa weird. She looks so small! I guess in Britain-land 8 year olds are regular-sized whereas in SuperSized America, 8 year olds look almost like teenagers.
I must also mention, as noted by my sole commentator, I forgot a critical point that connects those little girls dancing suggestively vs Britney's sex-dancing. Yes those little girls are indeed dancing very suggestively. However, they're quite stiff in their movements whereas Britney and that lovely black couple are dead-on with their bodily movements as far as sex-grinding is concerned because in order to grind your hips in that real genuine sort of way, you would have to know (in real-life) how to move your hips during sex joyride, Again, this is coming from my very limited knowledge of 'professional' dancing. I would hope that I NEVER see those 7 year olds TRULY grinding. Although they dance really well, it looks like they are just mimicking what they've been taught by an older person so they don't really know the meaning behind their sexual moves..hence the stiffness.
Does that make sense? Again, just my opinion. And really, it's not that big of a deal. I feel like a loser. Gonna go eat some breakfast now!
