Hollow-weenie

As a functioning alcoholic (I finally accepted that term after being in denial about it for a loooong time), events like Halloween make me anxious. First, it's a time when everyONE goes out. It's like New Years Eve....all those boring married people and lame couples who never go out, go out.  It's an opportunity for girls who normally dress boring to wear something slutty and act crazy. No ma'am. Compound this with the fact that everything will be crowded and more expensive than usual AND it's supposed to snow on the East Cizzoast. Fuck. So,

Wasting $ on costumes + Drunken stupid sloots (m&f) + Expensive Drinks + Cold =

I fucking hate Halloween (and New Years Eve)

 White girls 
*rolls eyes*

I am a huge party pooper.. I don't deny it. 

Being that I am an alcoholic, I am unable to control my alcohol intake. No matter WHAT limits I set for myself and how many people I promise that I won't get sloppy drunk, I ALWAYS end up drinking more than 6 drinks and spending around $40-70, and then not knowing how I got home. WITH.OUT.FAIL. It blows. 

Going out, in general, makes me nervous because I know what's going to happen (refer to previous paragraph) and then I don't know what's going to happen (ie: I might die). And the scary thing is, I can't control it. 

As of yesterday, I was going to NOT go out, get drunk by myself, and babysit my friend's daughter (put that biatch to sleep at 9pm) and write on here. But I have decided to go. I think I would be the ONLY person NOT going out and that kinda makes me feel left out. Plus, all the boring people I know here are all going out. JK Marylanders.

Phong said that if I put myself in a strong mental state of setting limits, I won't get out of control. I've done this several times and failed. However, I've also gone out and only drank 3 drinks without setting limits. Because I want to not beat on Anna (which is what happened last weekend), I will set limits and to set them more in stone, I'm putting them on here. 

• I will drink (oh god... mental battle)... 5 drinks AT MOST. I know that doesn't sound like a limit..but 5 is where I'm good. 
• I will only spend $20. 
• I will NOT buy strangers drinks.
• To combat my possibly belligerent behavior, I will smoke. But that puts me to sleep...so,
• I will also NOT fall asleep at the bar.

I think that's good. Anna forced me to dress like a crayon like her and the girls. She even forced me to make my own costume last night throwing sewing needles and felt at me. But I don't think I'll wear it. I might wear my Addidas track suit with a sexy bra underneath (shoot... I don't do p90x for nuffin') instead cuz it's supposed to be 40 degrees tonight and maybe snowing. Fuck being cold. I'm not a dumb 21-year old anymore.

I'll report back tomorrow night.
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Well, I stuck to my $20 limit. That was pretty easy to do because I didn't bring anything else with me 'cept the cash.

I didn't stick to the 5 drink-limit. Or maybe I did. Either way, I got sloshed and sloppy and today I've got bruises on my knees from falling down everywhere. Plus I got kicked out of a bar because I cut in line for the bathroom (in front of my FRIEND, mind you) and the bouncer carried me out while I grabbed onto things to prevent him from doing so. Then I opened my eyes and I was home sans my ID. I've found it since then.

I know I said I was going to wear my track suit but I ended up wearing my Victoria's Secret corset I got at the thrift store (gross, I know..but I'm pretty sure it was only worn once...most likely for a sexcapade...ew) and just put on a skirt and said I was a sexcretary. Meh. It was an outfit I would've worn out anyways.

Overall, FUN NIGHT! What I remember of it.