Welcome to my new blog and my new stage in life....as a grad student and as an 'anonymous blogger.' *rolls eyes* It seems very unlike me to have to go undercover and censor some of my life, but it's just something you have to do as a 'community worker.' It's all so stupid because being a teacher isn't even that special or badass of a job. But since we deal with sensitive things (like your asshole children) we have to upkeep somewhat of a 'nice' and 'responsible' image. I mean, we don't want to turn out like this lady:
So the past week was a week of uncomfortableness!!!! I don't know when I became so socially retarded but somewhere in the past 6 years I wasn't in school, I lost all ability to have 'small-talk' and also to speak as though I'm an educated person. Fuck. People in my class probably think I'm a bumbling, socially retarded idiot. Whatever. I'm just here to get my master's...and learn from good teachers so I can get the eff outta here and start my travels.
I also had to answer a buncha interview-esque questions in the process of applying and entering grad school. One thing I despise about the professional world (among a million things) is how fake you have to be during interviews and answering of questions. One time, while I was interviewing for an after-school position at a public elementary school, the principal asked me "What do you like to do in your spare time?" I answered: "I like to hang out with my boyfriend and friends." When I told adults about this, they head-palmed themselves and said "You were supposed to say you like to read books and do crossword puzzles!!!!" as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Well, excuuuuuuuuuuse me if I answered truthfully. I mean, I like to read books and do crossword puzzles but I like to fuck my boyfriend and get drunk with my girlfriends 1000% more. So shoot me.
Now I know how to answer interview questions. But, just for fun, let's see how I would REALLY answer interview questions if the world was ruled by Iroar and not a buncha fake 'professional' assholes.
- "Why University of Maryland's Mcert program?"
- Because it's the cheapest and shortest way I can get my fucking masters. Also I only need 2 prerequisites to get in whereas in other schools I need like 209234 other retarded classes that I don't need to teach 6 year olds.
- "This is a very intensive program. How do you plan to deal with the stress?"
- Drink half a bottle of wine a day and regularly chief on some reefer.
- "Do you consider yourself a risk taker?"
- Hell no! I'm trying to be a teacher.. The only risk there is is being punched by a belligerent parent, at which point I will fully defend myself and cut a ho.
- "If a student said she thought you were the worst teacher she ever had, how would you react and what would you say?"
- *kicks him* 'Well you're the dumbest student I've ever had. Fail!!!!
- "Have you ever considered publishing a book?"
- Yes. But it would be about sex..and basically other TMI things that you wouldn't want your child's teacher to ever express.
- "If a student came to you and said, "None of the other students like me," what would you tell him/her?"
- That's because you're ugly or you smell or you're bad at sports. Grow some cojones and either make them like you or be your own best friend because they all suck anyways.
- "Are you an empathetic person?"
- Definitely not.
- "Do you believe you should build rapport with students?"
- What the hell is a rapport?
- "Are you patient?"
- Hell no. Every day is a test on whether I can get through without hitting a child.
"What do you want to be doing in 5 years?"
- Hopefully not this.
- "How would you handle making a difficult phone call to a parent?"
You'll probably see the number of updates go up cuz I procrastinate so damn much and I would rather be doing ANYTHING than writing a paper. I HATE writing papers.