Anyways, as you may or may not know, I have a very wide taste for men (that sounded weird.) But you know what I mean...I am open to most types of guys as long as you are not a loser, a psycho. or a dummy. My previous dating/boinking record can vouch for that. If you lined up all the men (and one woman) I've been with, you would walk down the line being like "whoa...where'd you come from? Where'd you come from?" and so on. It's kinda funny and awesome.
**sidenote: Omg. I just spent an hour re-reading shit (looking for material I will write about in this entry) from my Irooooooar blog. Is it bad that I lol'ed and clapped at my own stuff? Goddamn. I'm my own #1 fan. It's sad, I know. But this is my greatest line: People may think that I'm whore-y having this list and all that... but that's okay. No guy or person will ever have the ability to make me feel like a whore because I'm the master of my sexual ship. *high fives myself*
And that is greatly relevant to what I will write about today.
|40 year old|
So, I have my "to-do" list that I update every time I am single. (As I am newly single, I still have to update the one I made in Springtime 2011). Here are two bullets from that list:
- An older, rich man- And I mean WAAAAY older like 45+. Since I also want a sugar daddy, I can knock out 2 birds with 1 stone. I'm all about deals.
- A teenager-I'm sorry, but I am attracted to young-looking boys. I think it's because I was prohibited from having teenage sex (I did anyways), but when someone tells me I CAN'T do something, it makes me want to do it more. Okay, maybe that's a bullshit excuse to explain my desire for statutory rape. There's just something so cute and turn-on-ing about an inexperienced, horny teenage boy. Since I'm not a complete monster, I GUESS the cut-off age is 16. I think this is the perfect age to start banging.
As of recently, I can kinda check off both of those and you get to know about them! (I say kinda because I didn't seal the deal with either of the two experiences but they were definitely experiences.)
First, I will share the 40 year old expurrience which happened in January of 2010. I actually wrote on my Iroar blog before the sole tryst happened but I never published it because the experience failed shortly thereafter. Here is what I wrote that explains how I met the dude:
- The night at Tavern successfully yielded a candidate for my "To-Do List." On my list (and ever since I could remember), I included a man older than me and possibly, a rich one that can buy me some fancy lingerie and some Grey-Goose. I don't need a full-on Sugar Daddy because I don't believe in exploiting men, even though men are retarded.
Alas, I found my older sugar daddy this night.
After downing another 3 ketel one, not-so-dirty martinis, I had to urinate. Going with Sawa, we encountered a mini-man (a man under the height of 5-8) who bellowed as we passed by, "Do yall mother fuckers want to drink?!"
Now... if this person had politely asked us "Do you ladies want to have a drink with us?" I would have declined. Only because, I do not accept drinks from random, normal men. However, there was something alluring about this mini-person yelling at us and calling us 'mother fuckers.' I was instantly intrigued.
He then proceeded to tell us that an older, richer man was going to be the one purchasing the drinks. As he said this, I noticed this older gentleman with silver hair staring in our direction. I knew he was the one that would be purchasing our drinks so we accepted.
After some drunken rambling and ordering 2 double Ketel one shots, I soon found out that this silver foxed man was divorced with four chil'ren. He also had very cute dimples and his wavy, pillowy silver hair was beckoning me to find out more. We exchanged numbers.
I am writing this furiously because as we speak, he is on his way over here into this house-sitting location. And I wanted to explain about him before anything actually happens.
So that's how I met SilverFox.
Let me find a picture of him real quick:
I HIGHLY doubt he would ever read this but if he does, sorry for sharing about you!
At the bar, we had established (in a five minute conversation) exactly what I expected from him and what our 'relationship' would entail. After writing that entry, I quickly went up to shower and dressed up in an outfit that would make HIM think of a younger, crazy girl and, hopefully, that that thought would excite him.
The dude arrived at my house-sitting location (a very big, Dunwoody house). He drove a huge forest-green SUV, typical of a Dunwoody family man. It was funny because he basically screeched into the garage with it. He was wearing pajama pants, tennis shoes and a t-shirt. I thought he could have at LEAST dressed up better than that and when I said this to him, he said that he had to hurriedly leave his house because his four children had fallen asleep and he wasn't sure if they were going to wake up and not find him there. I told him he couldn't come into the house (out of respect to its owners) but I went inside and fixed him and myself a drink. (I was already pretty tipsy).
We talked for a good hour. I asked a plethora of questions, including:
- How much money do you have? Do you have more than a million dollars? A million dollars really isn't that much if you think about it. Yes, with all my assets, I have over a million dollars. But I have four kids.
- What do you do for a living? As little as possible. *guffaws at own joke*
- How many women have you slept with? That is such a younger person question.
- Why did you and your wife get a divorce? She cheated on me. Now she lives with that guy.
- Aw...were you sad? I'm over it now.
- Would she be jealous if she knew you were with a younger, hotter girl? Probably.
- Have you dated somebody after her? (ie: before this *points to him and me* situation?) Yes, one. But she turned out to be crazy.
- Do you like my hair? It's dreaded. It is?
- Do you think I'm crazy? No.
....among others. My first encounters with men usually is an in-depth interview. Sorry, I like to have all the information before I make the executive decision to include you in my sex life.
The next hour we spent the time making out. Lol. I was thinking that making out with a 40-something year old is pretty standard except he probably kisses better than the average male. You would hope so because he's had more practice than someone my age. Guys, in general, are horrible kissers.
I asked him to give me a hickey. He gave me two. I had to wear a scarf for a week around my mom. We didn't have sex but I definitely gave him a job...the product of the job, which I spit on the pristine garage floor. Ew. Lol.
We made arrangements to really seal the deal in a hotel room shortly after New Years (this was like the day after xmas). He said he would bring me Grey Goose and lingerie. He texted me later that night saying that his six year old was up when he got home looking for him. Oops.
Except for a couple of follow-up texts, I never heard from him again. I wasn't crushed or anything but definitely confused. Very rarely will I hook up with a dude and never hear from him again... I was confused because if I were him, I would consider myself a goldmine. I mean, I'm young, relatively hot, gave him an awesome BJ (like under 4 minutes good). I suspect that he felt guilty about seeing me. He has full custody of his kids and there are four of them, two of which are teenagers. I don't think romping around with a crazy younger girl was his cup of tea, after the fact. That is what I think accounted for his vanishing without informing me. Still, I thought it was very inconsiderate of him. We did have plans after all. He could have explained himself and I'd be 100% fine with it. I'm very logical when it comes to any kind of relationship and would have accepted whatever excuse he would have thrown at me. Meh. I have bigger fish to fry.
And that is my experience with a 40 year old. We are still friends on Fbook. I wonder what he thinks of the experience. Lol.
I'm definitely still looking for an older guy. I always will be. I kind of want to leave a posting on Craiglist and hope that a rich Republican politician will answer it. I'm very close to doing that. If I do, I will definitely write about it on here. Hahaha.
The 19-year old is current. I won't write much about him because he actually MIGHT stumble upon this and probably wouldn't appreciate me writing about him and his teenaged self. Plus, it's current and I don't really write about current boys. Just know that one exists in my Blackbook at the moment. *smiles*
I've always had a thing for teenaged boys. I think I always will. That is why I cannot teach high school... In my defense, I didn't think this guy was 19 when I met him. He doesn't LOOK 19. I found out he was 19 after I realized I was looking at prom pictures and his senior year of high school on Fbook. Most girls would peace out at that point but that further intrigues my pedophile self.
I met 19-year-old at a bar about three months ago but didn't do anything about him until I became single. He is in the army (and I usually NEVER would associate with army blokes). He is black. And he is HOT. He is SUPER hot. Like borderline Adonis status. He still has that teenage face but I know when he becomes my age, he will reach Adonis status...especially if he works out more. *sigh*
The sad thing is, I asked him to come over last night. Last night I was intent on getting drunky-drunk cuz it was my last day of Takeover and I wanted to celebrate both with drinking and then having male company. I I got drunk with two of my cohorts and intended to meet up with him afterwards. He was on his way to my house (though with a friend...which leaves me scratching my head. Does he think that I would have a 3some with them or something? Ick. One Army teenager is enough for me...unless the other
teenage boy is NOT in the army). And... I PASSED OUT. Arg!!!!
I woke up to 10 missed calls from him and 2 very angry texts. He rode a taxi here and I know that taxi ride cost him a pretty penny. He was probably waiting outside for at least 30 minutes because the 10 calls span over that time. It was cold last night. Apparently Phong & Anna answered the doorbell when he rang it and they wouldn't let him in for fear they might rape me. Lol. Then he probably had to ride another taxi to the Metro station...and he had to be up at 6 this morning for whatever Army crap he has to do.
I feel SOOOOOOOOO bad. I hope he doesn't count me out from this. I apologized like no other. But he's going to be gone for the next two weeks sans phone. Maybe that's his exit ticket. God I hope not...cuz he's so beautiful. Plus he's 19. *skips around happily*
Dayum this entry took me forever. Sorry the content is so... all-over-the-place. Gonna go run errands! I love the weekend!!!!